Venting fear/sadness abt ctb

[trapdoor]

I don't have a set date yet, but it will certainly be before the year is up. I've been suicidal my whole life, and never really felt anything in regards to my own death. I assumed for a while I was desensitized. But now, knowing I have mere months left until I am no longer on this earth, I cannot stop crying. I cry day and night. I cried through a job interview I had. I cried through lunch with my brother. I'm not even entirely sure why I'm crying. Maybe I'm mourning my life, maybe I'm sad that it had to come to this. Maybe I'm scared shitless and I don't actually want to go through with it.

Oh well, it's too late now.

 

[dontwakemeup]

Im sorry you're having a difficult time coping with life. I will suggest you try to speak to someone who can prescribed you something that can help you relax when you're feeling anxious.

There's something so comforting about crying. I'm never embarrassed about crying but yours sounds like it's effecting your daily life. When I went to my doctor who I knew for years, I just cried in his office and broke down. It came to the point suicide was all I could think about and I couldn't rest or sleep. My Dr prescribed me diazepam two times a day. It helped me just get through the day without breaking down. I still had the same issues but it calmed me down enough to simply function. I'm still on them.

Suicide to me has several stages. It's not as easy as people think it is. I think we only see it as a means to stop the pain we are in. I'm not sure if you're a spiritual person but if you are, pray. Ask your higher power if that's your belief to send someone to help you through this difficult time. If you aren't religious, it's ok, we are always here and you can talk to us.

Would you like to start by whats bothering you. Maybe we can help you through this. Maybe suicide isn't the right decision for you, who knows. Let's just talk. Where would you like to start? I'm Stormi btw. What can we call you?

 

[Luminous_]

It's never too late !! when you go you should be calm, you should feel ready, even if you are sad. If you don't feel ready you shouldn't force yourself to just 'get on with it'. Remember this is permanent, you can't go back, be as prepared and ready as you can be, even if it takes more time than you thought you'd need. You say you've felt like this for all your life, which means you probably are desensitised to the thought- you've warped your view on it to the point where it's devalued to a simple process (which is why you don't understand the complex feelings you're now experiencing since having made your death date). Suicide is a very hard choice to make, and you shouldn't force it because the pain of living is hard. I don't know your situation, but if you are in a position where you can safely wait for a longer period, you absolutely should take that time and really dwell on your mortality and make peace with the choice to end your life, a choice that is entirely yours to make.