Hello everyone. This is a serious topic for me so I want to discuss it with those who also take it seriously. If you don't believe anything happens after death, good for you, I envy you, but I am not interested in your opinion.
Ever since I've taken an interest in spirituality I have been terrified that if I kill myself I will only have to repeat the same kind of life as I am living right now, or that it will be an even worse one. I believe in karma and reincarnation and that we are all just consciousness exploring who we are. So until we overcome our problems we won't be able to progress. We'll keep being born into the same type of circumstances and take on the same problems until we overcome them.
This terrifies me so much it's causing me severe OCD and it's affecting everything I do on a daily basis. I miss the days I was an atheist and believed that death will erase all of my problems because nothing will happen after. But now I feel like I am completely stuck in suffering. Even if I kill myself I will just respawn and live through that suffering again. Not to mention all the things people like to scare me with about how my soul will be stuck and damaged so I will have to do extra work and suffer even more if I kill myself. I am in a lose lose situation from hell.
I wanted to ask those of you who have similar beliefs how you deal with that. Sometimes I don't know if the biggest issue really are my survival instincts or if it's my spiritual beliefs that are holding me back from killing myself. There are no words that can describe how utterly trapped I feel. It is causing me severe mental breakdowns. Just imagine being literally stuck in suffering from every angle. No way out. This is my life. My existence. No way out of suffering, not even suicide.
I would really appreciate your help.
Ever since I've taken an interest in spirituality I have been terrified that if I kill myself I will only have to repeat the same kind of life as I am living right now, or that it will be an even worse one. I believe in karma and reincarnation and that we are all just consciousness exploring who we are. So until we overcome our problems we won't be able to progress. We'll keep being born into the same type of circumstances and take on the same problems until we overcome them.
This terrifies me so much it's causing me severe OCD and it's affecting everything I do on a daily basis. I miss the days I was an atheist and believed that death will erase all of my problems because nothing will happen after. But now I feel like I am completely stuck in suffering. Even if I kill myself I will just respawn and live through that suffering again. Not to mention all the things people like to scare me with about how my soul will be stuck and damaged so I will have to do extra work and suffer even more if I kill myself. I am in a lose lose situation from hell.
I wanted to ask those of you who have similar beliefs how you deal with that. Sometimes I don't know if the biggest issue really are my survival instincts or if it's my spiritual beliefs that are holding me back from killing myself. There are no words that can describe how utterly trapped I feel. It is causing me severe mental breakdowns. Just imagine being literally stuck in suffering from every angle. No way out. This is my life. My existence. No way out of suffering, not even suicide.
I would really appreciate your help.
I care so much! My mind tortures me every time I am deeply suffering because I know suicide will just take me right back into it. That's when I think about how there is no escape the most. It's such hell!
