Fear of failure

[DesperateChallenge]

How do you get over fear of failure?
I've failed at three attempts (two because I was found).

I have a fantastic job. I have three horses, three dogs, on the outside I have a great life. But the PTSD/Anxiety/Depression will never go away and I have peace in the fact that I want to die. I am just TERRIFIED to fail again because I will lose everything that makes my life "great". I already lost my Army career to a failed suicide attempt.

Right now, as stated in my other threat, I'm considering sodium azide, followed by a chaser of ace (horse tranquilizer). At least that seems like a sure way even if there is a change of it being long and painful. I am sure the ace will knock me out if not kill me. I don't have the guts to shoot myself or buy N (fear of customs and if I fail then having it impact my clearance).

How do I get over that one last mental hurdle?

 

[No1SpecL2U]

Forgive me as I don't post frequently and I don't want to make it seem like I'm being an ass stating the obvious. Whichever part of your will, to live or die, will be the determining factor in your last hurdle.

For myself, I'm aware that no matter how great my life may become, I will always carry my past vividly, and be without the family I stayed long enough to build. I cannot change my thoughts, and those memories may become less frequent. What hasn't changed for more than half my life is my desire to make an exit. I love myself enough to not put myself through it all much longer. And for those I care about, I would rather not torment them through future years of anguish dealing with my bullshit.

Maybe having some similar sort of "epiphany" will help clear that hurdle for yourself or the universe has different reasons for keeping you on this side od the fence for now.

With all sincerity and respect, best wishes in whatever your decision may bring.

 

[I’vehadenough]

How do you get over fear of failure?
I've failed at three attempts (two because I was found).

I have a fantastic job. I have three horses, three dogs, on the outside I have a great life. But the PTSD/Anxiety/Depression will never go away and I have peace in the fact that I want to die. I am just TERRIFIED to fail again because I will lose everything that makes my life "great". I already lost my Army career to a failed suicide attempt.

Right now, as stated in my other threat, I'm considering sodium azide, followed by a chaser of ace (horse tranquilizer). At least that seems like a sure way even if there is a change of it being long and painful. I am sure the ace will knock me out if not kill me. I don't have the guts to shoot myself or buy N (fear of customs and if I fail then having it impact my clearance).

How do I get over that one last mental hurdle?

What did you previously try?

 

[worldexploder]

I failed twice. Made me very risk averse. I'm very afraid that if I fail again, i'll end up back in the E.R./Psyche or wind up permanently disabled. Once I settle on a foolproof method and gather the courage, I'll CTB knowing it will be successful.

 

[I’vehadenough]

I failed twice. Made me very risk averse. I'm very afraid that if I fail again, i'll end up back in the E.R./Psyche or wind up permanently disabled. Once I settle on a foolproof method and gather the courage, I'll CTB knowing it will be successful.

What methods did you fail at?

 

[Roph]

I failed twice. Made me very risk averse. I'm very afraid that if I fail again, i'll end up back in the E.R./Psyche or wind up permanently disabled. Once I settle on a foolproof method and gather the courage, I'll CTB knowing it will be successful.

I'm determined to try a method that won't disable me if it fails. As for the psych ward, it would be a speed bump in the road. The psych ward doesn't change anything and, upon discharge, it's back to the same old, same old.

 

[worldexploder]

What methods did you fail at?

Overdosing on propranolol in 2015 and partial suspension hanging in 2016.

 

[I’vehadenough]

Overdosing on propranolol in 2015 and partial suspension hanging in 2016.

How did you fail at partial?

 

[worldexploder]

How did you fail at partial?

I set the noose up (it was an extension cord) on a steel rafter in my basement. Then got really drunk to get the courage. Then I put the noose around my neck and leaned over on the chair until I started to black out. Then I don't know what the hell happened but I kept throwing the noose off. The pain was bad too. Even when drunk it felt like my skull was being compressed.