Venting Fear of failed attempt

[d3ad]

I have done enough studying on the SN method. I used this forum, and other science/medical articles and I am 100% sure that it is the right method for me and it will work. I can't help but feel scared, though. I feel like I am somehow going to mess up, or someone is going to save me. I do not want to survive. I want to do it, and just get it over and done with. I have had multiple failed attempts with other methods (OD, strangulation) so I do not want to fail this. After over a decade of immense trauma and suffering, and going to multiple therapists I am sure that I want out. I don't want this to be reversed or for me to be saved, because if that does happen then my life will be way worse than it was before. I will literally lose all the little that I have now.

 

[FuneralCry]

Trying to die going wrong is also what I'd personally fear, I understand just wanting to be gone, all I wish for is to be permanently be free from the suffering, it feels cruel to me how people even have to fear this in the first place. But anyway I wish you the best, I hope that you find what you search for.

 

[RiverOfLife]

Yeah, I'm really afraid of something going wrong and ending up in a worse place, possibly with permanent physical damage and no second chance to CTB.