imcadt99
Member
- Feb 23, 2023
- 50
To preface, I'd like to extend a massive thanks to those who have made this possible. My biggest thanks goes to @GasMonkey. Not to dissuade you when your hour comes, but SaSu will have lost one of its most knowledgeable members. I am thankful that I joined the site in the brief window that you were still active and that you were willing to bear my incessant questions.
I am weeping as I write this. I feel like I'm screaming into the abyss. I just want to be understood, my words heard. I shout into my mask with all of my might as I hurdle myself over this ledge, screaming as I fall into the black hole that awaits me. My words echoing about my mask, becoming increasingly distorted. I cannot think straight. Someone please hear me.
I have spent many hours reflecting on this very subject, yet I struggle to find the words to accurately describe my present condition.
I guess it just feels... anti-climactic? All of this lived experience and this is it? This final act? I turn a couple valves and I'm gone?
Why does it hurt to leave this existence that I loath? To leave the people whom look down upon me? A world that wishes to dispose of this useless, toothless, cog?
Why does it feel like someone will save me, despite it being the worst outcome I can possibly imagine?
I've eaten my final meal, a funny thought no doubt. The same garbage I eat every day, yet it feels different somehow.
This ruined body is all that is left of me, no doubt afflicted by jaundice or some other similar ailment. Years of anxieties have brought me to this place. My fingers destroyed from years of playing music in an attempt to escape this pain. Oh how my hands tremble!
I have donned my scuba hood and SCBA mask, all that is left is to pull these tabs. I like to pretend with my facial hair that I resemble a French soldier from the Great War. If only I could die with such honor, not that I wish to live such a tragic life. Please do not condemn me to such a horrid fate. I pray the universe grants me mercy, whomever or whatever it might be. Please let me return to the nothingness that I believe I came from.
Attached is my note. I pray that someone might read it despite its length and verbosity.
I have not tested the contents of this canister, so I may survive despite my best efforts. I will post an update if I do. I am intoxicated at the moment, I may respond to comments for the time being.
(40 cu/ft Ar, SCBA kit, 4mg Ondansetron AE, Alcohol)
I am weeping as I write this. I feel like I'm screaming into the abyss. I just want to be understood, my words heard. I shout into my mask with all of my might as I hurdle myself over this ledge, screaming as I fall into the black hole that awaits me. My words echoing about my mask, becoming increasingly distorted. I cannot think straight. Someone please hear me.
I have spent many hours reflecting on this very subject, yet I struggle to find the words to accurately describe my present condition.
I guess it just feels... anti-climactic? All of this lived experience and this is it? This final act? I turn a couple valves and I'm gone?
Why does it hurt to leave this existence that I loath? To leave the people whom look down upon me? A world that wishes to dispose of this useless, toothless, cog?
Why does it feel like someone will save me, despite it being the worst outcome I can possibly imagine?
I've eaten my final meal, a funny thought no doubt. The same garbage I eat every day, yet it feels different somehow.
This ruined body is all that is left of me, no doubt afflicted by jaundice or some other similar ailment. Years of anxieties have brought me to this place. My fingers destroyed from years of playing music in an attempt to escape this pain. Oh how my hands tremble!
I have donned my scuba hood and SCBA mask, all that is left is to pull these tabs. I like to pretend with my facial hair that I resemble a French soldier from the Great War. If only I could die with such honor, not that I wish to live such a tragic life. Please do not condemn me to such a horrid fate. I pray the universe grants me mercy, whomever or whatever it might be. Please let me return to the nothingness that I believe I came from.
Attached is my note. I pray that someone might read it despite its length and verbosity.
I have not tested the contents of this canister, so I may survive despite my best efforts. I will post an update if I do. I am intoxicated at the moment, I may respond to comments for the time being.
(40 cu/ft Ar, SCBA kit, 4mg Ondansetron AE, Alcohol)
