spacefreightergirl
let it all go
- May 27, 2026
- 46
The only reason why it feels like a temptation instead of a solution is because I'd have to go back to my home country and live with my family again, and that'd be the emotional equivalent of CTB. It is close to not-an-option to go back, but I'm also desperate for a solution. I've been on antidepressants since 13 and every time I'm not on them I go back to being suicidal, and the last few times I went on antidepressants they didn't really work either. By now I've started to feel like the only way to fix my brain is by turning it off, and ECT looks like a reasonable alternative to that. I genuinely wish I was capable of feeling appreciation for life for once. I just really, really don't want to go back there. I could also do it where I live but it'd probably take a long as shit waiting list.
