Venting Coming back here after (failed) treatment

[mayachcos]

I was warded for months in a mental hospital after my failed suicide in March to overdose on benzodiazepines. While warded, I was drugged out of my mind on relaxants, antidepressants and all. I couldn't focus on anything and the only thing i had for comfort was reading a few books I had.

I've been out for a while and I hate how my brain just keeps getting worse. I feel like no amount of antidepressants can help me erase the endless thoughts, nightmares, and torment I have. At this point I've had support from so many of my friends, psychologists have talked to me, but I just can't be saved.

There's something seriously wrong with me and I hate it. I wish I didn't have to ever come back here but it's a place of comfort for me. It's a place where I can talk about my thoughts of death without being sent to a ward.

I really want to apologise to all my friends and family, because they all think I'm improving, yet I'm back here, stuck in another depressive spiral.

 

[sorrymommy]

I was warded for months in a mental hospital after my failed suicide in March to overdose on benzodiazepines. While warded, I was drugged out of my mind on relaxants, antidepressants and all. I couldn't focus on anything and the only thing i had for comfort was reading a few books I had.

I've been out for a while and I hate how my brain just keeps getting worse. I feel like no amount of antidepressants can help me erase the endless thoughts, nightmares, and torment I have. At this point I've had support from so many of my friends, psychologists have talked to me, but I just can't be saved.

There's something seriously wrong with me and I hate it. I wish I didn't have to ever come back here but it's a place of comfort for me. It's a place where I can talk about my thoughts of death without being sent to a ward.

I really want to apologise to all my friends and family, because they all think I'm improving, yet I'm back here, stuck in another depressive spiral.

I am very sorry about your condition and what you went through. Only those of us with suicidal ideation and other comorbidities truly understand how our minds work and how we view the world.

If you don't mind answering, do you remember how much benzo you took and what you felt during the overdose? Did you feel pain?

Thank you very much!