Discussion Family environments

[xlostie]

I'm glad to see that this webite exists, but at the same time it makes me sad. It says a lot about the society we live in, especially the family environments. If your safe place for psychological health is an anonymous site imagine what kinds of families there are... They say having a kids is joy, maybe for those who make them and not for the kids. I say it as someone who has seemingly good family. I love my parents but they have raised a child who can't share freely. Not just because some things might hurt them but also because they won't accept my point of view. When I dare to disagree with them it doesn't end well. I don't blame them, they have been raised that way with even more strict parents.

 

[theslasher]

I don't think life is inherently bad with no chance things can improve, but for many of us we're placed in such a bad position. Being in a family where they don't allow you to think freely or critically is a very restrictive way to live. It's better if parents actually explain their reasonings for certain decisions instead of just saying "because I said so" and not just telling, but listening as well. Also I think having kids can be joyful even for those who didn't have the kid. Not that the only reason people have kids is for their own joy, but that can be a byproduct. There's kids in my extended family and it puts a smile on my face whenever I see them. However, I see where you're coming from too, I also have lots of other family members that are the main reason why I'm on this forum. I think it's gotten better than before, but I'd still like to be independent and live further away from them.

I'm not a psychologist or a therapist, but just another human being. And from my perspective you should definitely be very upfront with how you feel. And if you've already done that, but they don't respect you or your thoughts, then maybe create a little distance, live on your own if you can.

 

[xlostie]

I do live separately things have gotten better since then.When mom was still alive we talked daily on the phone sharing everyday stuff. I'm not used to talk with my dad but we try.
I have forgotten them for some restrictions and fights because now when im a bit older i can understand their worries. Bit still there are things that they have repeated so many times like *I can't count on you, who is gonna look after me when im old*, *I'm not your slave* or *you are bringing me so much stress, are you trying to kill me* (can't translate exactly the words). Most certainly there were times when they had the right to be mad at me but their words and intonation were upsetting over and over again. We had our good moments too tho.

 

[onewho]

It says a lot about the society we live in, especially the family environments. If your safe place for psychological health is an anonymous site imagine what kinds of families there are...

This can happen even with the best of parenting that has always driven home to their kids that they can come to them any time unconditionally with anything on their minds or hearts. As part of growing up and individualizing themselves strongly vs. their parents from their early teens, that sort of kind and loving offering may well be entirely and willfully refused by many a strong-willed "independent-minded" youngster =)

I think it's unavoidable, since there are no "perfect" humans, there are no perfect parents, especially given how kids after infancy grow / mold their own individuality over time not just from their home environment but all sorts of idols / inspirations and especially those not found at home. This natural human drive for individual differentiation as well as unavoidable generational cultural differences will probably always create some level of communicative tensions and differences of outlook and opinion. In the worst case there's divisions, splits, separations; in the best case it's probably like you describe your family: similar to mine, no matter the parent-child dynamics and psychological subtleties "back then", we're now communicating as equal(ly) grown-ups about the "everyday topics" and shared family concerns, yet might nonetheless hold back certain matters of one's life as "private even from our technically/nominally 'closest' relations", if only simply due to knowing the other side's certain peculiarities of character and opinion that might make a trivial-for-oneself topic an unnecessarily big deal and undesirably huge topic of communication and a cascade of micro-quarrels one had earlier learned to pre-emptively evade.