Venting Falling back into coming here

[pokerrkitty]

I had managed not to open this website for nearly 9 days before I gave in today and checked again. I'm really trying to recover, and from the outside I know the people around me are getting less worried. I'm helping my partner out as much as I can. I paid rent on time. I'm eating more than a meal a day.

It feels like nothing internally has changed, even though i'm making these positive changes. I still feel the desire to isolate, to disappear, to just take the car and drive out somewhere in the middle of the night and never come back. It's hard not to continually return to this website to just daydream about the method I was planning on

I'm still going to try, but it really feels like one step forward and two steps back.

 

[ethereal_hobo]

Sorry to hijack your thread somewhat. I joined recently and have found the forum very helpful, thanks a lot to everyone.

However, due to certain things about the site (some about the site itself, others about how some people on the internet treat the site apparently), this might be my last post here.

I guess there are other reasons but I don't want to be too specific.

Love the site in many ways though, hope the things I like about this site spread to the rest of the internet a lot more.

Leaving with every intention to continue to be in recovery!

 

[fuzzypeach]

I had managed not to open this website for nearly 9 days before I gave in today and checked again. I'm really trying to recover, and from the outside I know the people around me are getting less worried. I'm helping my partner out as much as I can. I paid rent on time. I'm eating more than a meal a day.

It feels like nothing internally has changed, even though i'm making these positive changes. I still feel the desire to isolate, to disappear, to just take the car and drive out somewhere in the middle of the night and never come back. It's hard not to continually return to this website to just daydream about the method I was planning on

I'm still going to try, but it really feels like one step forward and two steps back.

something i try to keep in mind is that action precedes motivation. sometimes you need to get the gears moving before your brain catches up. youre on the right path

 

[CowardKnight]

Interesting... personally I'm also doing my best to recover and honestly this site makes me feel better when I need it. It makes me feel less alone. People here are very kind too. But I also understand why this site makes you feel like taking a step back.

Perhaps you could try hiding the suicide forum in settings (and perhaps the offtopic one?) and only make the site show the recovery one.