Fall Into the Sweetest Oblivion - My Goodbye Thread

[aedric_artifact]

Hello, everyone.

Today is the day I will catch a ride on the bus. I'd like to thank everyone who contributed to this site, whether it be those who research methods, those who document and witness suicides, those who offer emotional support, etc. Big thanks to @ghostgirl1995 who has been my buddy through the entirety of my short stay here at SS. I love you, and I hope you get whatever you desire in the most peaceful way possible. Thank you to the moderators & admins for this beautiful site full of beautiful souls.

Right now it is 3:17pm EST. I started fasting around 3:00pm. I will begin the stat SN regimen tonight at 12:00am, and drink the SN itself at 1:00am. I will be using an antiemic, antacid, painkiller, and of course sodium nitrite. In the spoiler below, I will show a plastic baggy with the bottle of SN and the rest of the pills I will be taking:

Spoiler: MEDS

I'm unsure of what else to write here, so if anyone has questions please ask and I will answer them throughout the thread. Important details I may have missed will likely be edited into this post. I will disable my account once I have posted that I downed the SN.

Thanks, everyone. I love you all and hope everyone finds the peace they desire.

 

[Polly]

Hello, everyone.

Today is the day I will catch a ride on the bus. I'd like to thank everyone who contributed to this site, whether it be those who research methods, those who document and witness suicides, those who offer emotional support, etc. Big thanks to @ghostgirl1995 who has been my buddy through the entirety of my short stay here at SS. I love you, and I hope you get whatever you desire in the most peaceful way possible. Thank you to the moderators & admins for this beautiful site full of beautiful souls.

Right now it is 3:17pm EST. I started fasting around 3:00pm. I will begin the stat SN regimen tonight at 12:00am, and drink the SN itself at 1:00am. I will be using an antiemic, antacid, painkiller, and of course sodium nitrite. In the spoiler below, I will show a plastic baggy with the bottle of SN and the rest of the pills I will be taking:

Spoiler: MEDS

View attachment 38539

I'm unsure of what else to write here, so if anyone has questions please ask and I will answer them throughout the thread. Important details I may have missed will likely be edited into this post. I will disable my account once I have posted that I downed the SN.

Thanks, everyone. I love you all and hope everyone finds the peace they desire.

Our hearts are with you. Remember it is okay to wait if the time doesn't feel right. You are always welcome.

I hope you get what you wish.

 

[Anonymoussn]

Good luck to you. I hope you find the peace that you're looking for.

Please remember if you have any doubts that there isnt any shame in backing out.

 

[ghostgirl1995]

This makes me so sad @aedric_artifact but I really want you to find peace whether it's here or not here. Love you!!! Can't believe you are going before me!! If you decide not to or to wait awhile I'm here for you!!!

 

[mem12]

What are you using for antiemic, antacid, painkiller?
Otherwise, it is sad but peace be with you.

 

[MorticiasHair]

it's sad </3

 

[aedric_artifact]

Our hearts are with you. Remember it is okay to wait if the time doesn't feel right. You are always welcome.

I hope you get what you wish.

Thank you for your kind words. It was nice seeing you in the chat room.

Good luck to you. I hope you find the peace that you're looking for.

Please remember if you have any doubts that there isnt any shame in backing out.

Thank you. I truly believe this is the peace I have been seeking for years.

This makes me so sad @aedric_artifact but I really want you to find peace whether it's here or not here. Love you!!! Can't believe you are going before me!! If you decide not to or to wait awhile I'm here for you!!!

You'll be the very last person I message before I go.

What are you using for antiemic, antacid, painkiller?
Otherwise, it is sad but peace be with you.

Antiemic is Re***n (meto), antacid is Ta***et, and painkiller is ibuprofin.

it's sad </3

Sad yes, but it's the harsh reality that this world brings down on us.

 

[Torbasco]

I hope it goes well. I've seen you a lot around in chat and it's sad to see you go, but I hope you can find the peace you deserve. If you decide against it, that's okay too, anything to keep a peaceful mind during your journey. Nevertheless, good luck, my favorite terraria life fruit.

 

[profoundexperience]

Your icon always caught my eye & then looked forward to reading what you wrote... but now B&W = !

Please allow me to dedicate some words to you, @aedric_artifact... both for right now in this very moment... but also, if you must, for whatever may come... up to and including the moment of your death... and also for whatever (if anything) that lies beyond.

May you be free of suffering, @aedric_artifact.
May you have mental happiness, @aedric_artifact.
May you have physical happiness, @aedric_artifact.
May you have ease of well being, @aedric_artifact.

 

[Philosykos]

I saw you around in threads where I've been active too and you always struck me as thoughtful and kind. I am very sorry to see you go. I hope you are absolutely certain that this is your way to true peace. If so, I wish you the most peaceful transition as is possible. I will be asleep at the time you mentioned you are going to ingest. If this is what you truly want, I hope you find the serenity you wish for. If not, I will be here in the morning (my morning).

 

[aedric_artifact]

Really hoping 1ml water is equivalent to 1 gram of SN. Couldn't find a scale but I have a measuring spoon thing that shows ml. Planning to use it to measure out 50ml of water and 20ml / 20grams of sn

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Bro it's sad to see you go. I hope to see you on the other side.

 

[Brokenwithbpd]

May you find peace and light. You are a brave soul. It is ok to back out if you wish. I hate when people think they disappoint us if they back out. Xoxo what are you doing these last hours?

 

[Living sucks]

I have enjoyed your posts ., wish you nothing but peace and know you can always change your mind

 

[JoeFailure]

I don't think we've spoken but I've seen your posts.

I hope all goes well and it's a peaceful journey, hopefully to either somewhere amazing or the blissful nothing. Peace and love.

 

[lonelyhouse]

Wishing you a smooth ride and a peaceful journey.

 

[rhiino]

Really hoping 1ml water is equivalent to 1 gram of SN. Couldn't find a scale but I have a measuring spoon thing that shows ml. Planning to use it to measure out 50ml of water and 20ml / 20grams of sn

No! 20 ml of SN is more than 40 g!

SN density is about 2g per ml

Density of salt is 2.16 g. Sodium Nitrite is nearly identical (2.17 g).

Edit: Wrong info, I'm sorry.

 

[Living sucks]

Really hoping 1ml water is equivalent to 1 gram of SN. Couldn't find a scale but I have a measuring spoon thing that shows ml. Planning to use it to measure out 50ml of water and 20ml / 20grams of sn

How many ml is the spoon you have?

i recently had a thread about measuring SN with spoons getting weight on a scale.
A US TBSP equaled 14.8ml while a U.K. TBSP equaled 15ml.
A level full US TBSP of SN weighed 16 grams on the scale, so 25grams of SN was equivalent to approx 1.5 US Tablespoons.
So yes it is close to a 1/1 ratio regardless of density based on this actual weight test.

This was the post if you're interested.

Can do. I have eight ounces of sodium nitrite in two bottles, purchased from "named-after-a-large-South-American-river" marketplace, USA site, from a company abbreviated LW and named similar to "Vocal-Feral-Doggie".

The bottles have been stored for several weeks now in a hot, humid climate (coastal southeast USA, where I live). Both were professionally sealed, and unopened until now. There was some slight clumping in both, unsurprising and normal given the conditions. Vigorous shaking broke up the clumps. The bottles were labeled as "fine powder / 99.6% Pure /Reagent Grade" The crystals were smaller than table salt crystals, and an off-white color. I have no doubts of their purity, or effectiveness.

25 grams (a weight measure) of sodium nitrite (SN) is the generally agreed-upon amount to reliably CTB. We need to find out how many tablespoons that is (a volume measure).

IMPORTANT STUFF:

1. You must use MEASURING spoons for this, NOT utensil dining spoons!! MEASURING spoons will have a number and unit on them, like "1 tbsp". DINING spoons will not. THERE IS NO AGREED-UPON definition for the size of a utensil dining tablespoon in ANY county! If your spoon does not have a measuring unit on it, it is an utensil dining tablespoon and thus the volume can vary greatly and thus it's totally unsuited for precise SN measuring. Don't use it! From Wikipedia on tablespoons:
   
   
   
   
2. SN measures are in GRAMS (g), NOT milligrams (mg), and NOT grains (gr). I've seen several typos and mistakes in other threads. Also, tablespoon is abbreviated tbsp, NOT tsp. That's teaspoon and much smaller.
   
   
3. Tablespoon volumes DO vary from country to country:
   1 USA tablespoon = ~ 14.8 mL. 1 UK and Canadian tablespoon = 15 ml. 1 Australian tablespoon = 20 mL.

Here's the supplies:
View attachment 38058

Here's the weight, 8 ounces plus the bottles, 9.5 ounces total. I was careful to tare the weight by zeroing out the scale with empty spoons on. You can see they weigh 1.6 ounces (about 45.35 grams):
View attachment 38061
View attachment 38062
Then I weighed 1 USA level tablespoon of sodium nitrite. It came to…(drum roll)…16 grams. Pictures:
View attachment 38059

View attachment 38060

So: 1 level measured US tablespoon of Vocal-Feral-Doggie Sodium Nitrite, freshly opened in a humid climate, equals 16 grams. Thus 25 grams of same equals 1.5625 level tablespoons, or 1 ½ tablespoons plus a pinch. This is inline with:



"Gee ReallySillyOtter, why do you have TWO bottles of deadly SN?"

I ordered one bottle from "Vocal-Feral-Doggie" company. It seemed to get lost in the US mail, so they promptly send a second. The first wasn't lost, just delayed, and a few days later arrived in my mail. A few days after the second, the replacement, also arrived. This prompt correction speaks well of Vocal-Feral-Doggie's customer service.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Really hoping 1ml water is equivalent to 1 gram of SN. Couldn't find a scale but I have a measuring spoon thing that shows ml. Planning to use it to measure out 50ml of water and 20ml / 20grams of sn

This sounds right.

Using a US tablespoon, 4 tablespoons is close to 50 ml water, and a approximately 1 1/3 tablespoons = 20g of SN.

Divide 4 by 1.33 = 3 times more water than SN.

Therefore, using the ml measuring spoon, measure out 50 ml water and 17 ml of SN.

Personally, I'd go up a couple of ml on the SN to 20 ml, as I'd rather err on the side of the higher limit of 25 g than the potentially too-low limit of 17 g.

So if it were my ctb, I'd measure 50 ml of water and 20 ml SN.

Feel free to check my math.

 

[Brokenwithbpd]

This sounds right.

Using a US tablespoon, 4 tablespoons is close to 50 ml water, and a approximately 1 1/3 tablespoons = 20g of SN.

Divide 4 by 1.33 = 3 times more water than SN.

Therefore, using the ml measuring spoon, measure out 50 ml water and 17 ml of SN.

Personally, I'd go up a couple of ml on the SN to 20 ml, as I'd rather err on the side of the higher limit of 25 g than the potentially too-low limit of 17 g.

So if it were my ctb, I'd measure 50 ml of water and 20 ml SN.

Feel free to check my math.

Very helpful description thank you. I'll be saving this info for myself

 

[aedric_artifact]

How many ml is the spoon you have?

i recently had a thread about measuring SN with spoons getting weight on a scale.
A US TBSP equaled 14.8ml while a U.K. TBSP equaled 15ml.
A level full US TBSP of SN weighed 16 grams on the scale, so 25grams of SN was equivalent to approx 1.5 US Tablespoons.
So yes it is close to a 1/1 ratio regardless of density based on this actual weight test.

This was the post if you're interested.

Thank you SO much for this! This makes me feel incredibly more comfortable. I bought the same exact SN as the post you quoted. My measuring spoon is adjustable and has labels for tablespoons and ml. It goes up to 15ml max, where it shares a label with 1 tbsp. I'll measure out 1 and a half tbsp and use that amount for the SN. Measuring out 50ml of water should be even easier.

This sounds right.

Using a US tablespoon, 4 tablespoons is close to 50 ml water, and a approximately 1 1/3 tablespoons = 20g of SN.

Divide 4 by 1.33 = 3 times more water than SN.

Therefore, using the ml measuring spoon, measure out 50 ml water and 17 ml of SN.

Personally, I'd go up a couple of ml on the SN to 20 ml, as I'd rather err on the side of the higher limit of 25 g than the potentially too-low limit of 17 g.

So if it were my ctb, I'd measure 50 ml of water and 20 ml SN.

Feel free to check my math.

Thanks a lot for this too! These posts are making me feel a lot less worried about measurements.

 

[AnxietyAttack44]

I wish you peace and luck in whatever you decide.. We are here for you either way. Rest well

 

[aedric_artifact]

About 4 hours until I start the hour-long regimen. No second thoughts.

 

[TowerUpright]

I wish you a safe journey, one I wish I could make myself now.

 

[mem12]

Are you sure there is no other option? :((

 

[illbeinthegarage]

good luck and i wish you everything you hope for <3 ill miss seeing your name in the chat. i will be following your steps soon x

 

[LastRide]

Sorry we did not get the opportunity to chat...but maybe it doesn't matter now anymore, for sure the only thing that matters right now is how you feel about your project coming to it's conclusion. If it feels right, I wish you a peaceful death without any suffering - you seem well prepared technically, so it should work out the way you're expecting. IF you are having second thoughts or wish to delay, please don't feel bad about it ! We're here for you, happy to welcome any tortured soul who might need a little more time or might want to give it some more thought before the final act. Whatever you end up doing, just be comfortable with the knowledge that we're supporting you in what is the most important decision you are ever going to make !

 

[profoundexperience]

Wishing you great ease and freedom from all suffering at this time, @aedric_artifact.

 

[Finally_Free]

I'm new to SS as well, but im this short period I came across many of your posts @aedric_artifact. I wish you a peaceful transition, brother. May you be free from suffering.

 

[aedric_artifact]

30 minutes until regimen start.
Just took 600mg of ibu. I feel calm, I am confident this is my time to go.
3x 10mg meto taken
800mg tag taken