Failed to die (SN) but taking lessons and improving the plan

[NotEnoughIncentive]

I failed my suicide attempt to die with SN, almost 24h ago. I have reasons for dying, reasons for not postponing it, I did the antiemetic regiment correctly, I did almost everything right. Except, I was 1.5h late in schedule to take SN, due to other unfinished things. I didn't vomit, so my domperidone worked fine. I didn't know antacids on empty stomach couldn't last that long (I didn't know that probably because luckily I never have any problems with stomach acid), so I guess lesson learned for the next attempt. My most obvious mistake: not drinking enough of the SN drink. I just couldn't... it is too salty. I could drink only half of my first cup. My other mistake is probably not weighing it correctly. I used the density formula to find the volume of SN that I need instead of directly weighing it. I didn't want to waste money buying a scale, but I think now I should buy one anyway. After realizing I couldn't drink it anymore, I decided to sleep as it was almost 5 am, still holding the hope that I am among the lucky ones that can die from only a small amount of SN. But then I was woken up by the church bells nearby. Disappointed, and knowing for sure I would survive it, I deleted my goodbye bio on my social media. Well, lessons learned. I also now know my body is quite strong in defending against side effects. Coffee never wakes me up, chlorpheniramine maleate doesn't make me sleepy even though it makes my mother sleepy, and now, SN.

I am disappointed with myself. I am sad that I am a descendant of living beings that have been shaped by natural selection for survival. I am sad that I couldn't even finish one cup of the path to freedom. I am sad that I am unable to even cry about this failure, since I have been numb for about two months.

I need to find ways to make it easier to drink something that salty. I read someone talking about dissolving SN in coconut water instead of plain water. Will it work? I thought about putting it in capsules, but I will read more threads here about it. I also thought about buying a stick ice cream just before the time, hopefully it can numb my tongue and mask the salty taste, and it would go like lick it, sip SN, lick it, sip SN, and so on. But I won't finish the ice cream, ofc, since the stomach needs to be as empty as possible.

I'm not really sure what to think and what to feel, other than disappointment and finding ways to trick myself into drinking enough SN.

 

[tary]

Strong mouthwash has also been mentioned somewhere as a way to numb your mouth to the taste of SN.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand why you would feel so disappointed at still being here, but I guess that after all it's always possible to die this way as so many have done and I envy them. But of course suicide can certainly be difficult and it's awful how methods can potentially fail if not done correctly. I hope that you eventually find the freedom that you wish for.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm sorry this has happened but I am at least relieved that you didn't seem to experience some of the side effects other people have reported.

Can I ask- how much water did you use? The recommended amount of water isn't much at all I believe (a shot glass or there abouts.) People seem to have failed when they either sip at it or mix it with too much water.

I think the mouthwash before and after is a good idea.

I REALLY think you need to research it really well if you decide to try again. I think anyone needs to research the SN method thoroughly because it doesn't always seem to go well when done spontaneously and not following the protocol. Measurement seems kind of critical.

I'm relieved for you in one way (that you didn't seem to experience the usual effects,) although I understand you must be feeling all over the place- having gotten up the nerve to do it. I'm sorry life brought you to this point.

 

[sigsq]

I'm sorry this happened to you and your at this point. Which brand of SN did you use? Can you specify the measurements please? I would think half a cup is still plenty.

 

[tchaik18401893]

I am so sorry this happened to you and you feel this way. i understand how ashamed and disappointed you must be. Best wishes to you.

 

[almostoutofhere]

Did you fast before taking it? Which brand was it? How much did you drink? The fact that you were 1.5 hrs late as you mention shouldn't matter that much. People pass without any AE or anything else, just enough pure SN + fasting.

 

[Cryptonite]

I failed my suicide attempt to die with SN, almost 24h ago. I have reasons for dying, reasons for not postponing it, I did the antiemetic regiment correctly, I did almost everything right. Except, I was 1.5h late in schedule to take SN, due to other unfinished things. I didn't vomit, so my domperidone worked fine. I didn't know antacids on empty stomach couldn't last that long (I didn't know that probably because luckily I never have any problems with stomach acid), so I guess lesson learned for the next attempt. My most obvious mistake: not drinking enough of the SN drink. I just couldn't... it is too salty. I could drink only half of my first cup. My other mistake is probably not weighing it correctly. I used the density formula to find the volume of SN that I need instead of directly weighing it. I didn't want to waste money buying a scale, but I think now I should buy one anyway. After realizing I couldn't drink it anymore, I decided to sleep as it was almost 5 am, still holding the hope that I am among the lucky ones that can die from only a small amount of SN. But then I was woken up by the church bells nearby. Disappointed, and knowing for sure I would survive it, I deleted my goodbye bio on my social media. Well, lessons learned. I also now know my body is quite strong in defending against side effects. Coffee never wakes me up, chlorpheniramine maleate doesn't make me sleepy even though it makes my mother sleepy, and now, SN.

I am disappointed with myself. I am sad that I am a descendant of living beings that have been shaped by natural selection for survival. I am sad that I couldn't even finish one cup of the path to freedom. I am sad that I am unable to even cry about this failure, since I have been numb for about two months.

I need to find ways to make it easier to drink something that salty. I read someone talking about dissolving SN in coconut water instead of plain water. Will it work? I thought about putting it in capsules, but I will read more threads here about it. I also thought about buying a stick ice cream just before the time, hopefully it can numb my tongue and mask the salty taste, and it would go like lick it, sip SN, lick it, sip SN, and so on. But I won't finish the ice cream, ofc, since the stomach needs to be as empty as possible.

I'm not really sure what to think and what to feel, other than disappointment and finding ways to trick myself into drinking enough SN.

I highly recommend benzocaine lozenges to numb your mouth and throat.

Strong mouthwash has also been mentioned somewhere as a way to numb your mouth to the taste of SN.

I've tried this after ingesting 20g of regular salt. Unfortunately it just makes things worse.

 

[SadVegan]

I also failed my SN attempt. My heart goes out to you. Hopefully the next time i won't fail. Also, i love your profile picture Kanon-Chan best girl.

 

[hapiniuier]

Did the SN sat mixed with water for 90 minutes? If so, that could be the greatest issue, per:
Soln of sodium nitrite are unstable & should be prepared directly before use; cannot be dispensed in acidic vehicles
Osol, A. (ed.). Remington's Pharmaceutical Sciences. 16th ed. Easton, Pennsylvania: Mack Publishing Co., 1980., p. 782

 

[releasespieces]

Strange, something is confusing. The OP doesn't seem upset about what did happen. Usually even small doses cause some serious upset. They just fell asleep and woke up to church bells? It would be interesting to know what the OP actually drank… source, quality, environmental factors and weight of SN. It makes it difficult to help people who post really vague SN failed attempts, seems to be really popular around here lately. I seriously don't get it. If you were going to end your life wouldn't something as simple as a scale be one of the first things to obtain? They're readily available and cheap.

 

[littlelady774]

Maybe to help with taste, use miracle berries and freeze your tongue on ice

 

[HermitLonerGuy]

So many cases of SN failing these passed few months. I think the companies are on to us suicidals and they starting to make the SN non lethal.

 

[dopaminedeath]

So many cases of SN failing these passed few months. I think the companies are on to us suicidals and they starting to make the SN non lethal.

Sellers list the purity. It'd be illegal to market it incorrectly. At least for the reliable sources. Best to stay away from random places

This case wasn't about the SN though, they didn't drink enough

 

[LookingOverTheEdge]

I'm so sorry that you're going through what you are. Please know that not being successful in your attempt does not make you a failure. You have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about.

The decision to end your life, and the act of going through with it, is neither easy nor simple. Please don't be too hard on yourself.

I hope you recover fully from any after effects, and I wish you the very best for the future, whatever you decide to do.

 

[NotEnoughIncentive]

Thank you for your replies and kindness. I'll think about mouthwash, benzocaine, and miracle berries as an option. However those things are new for me, so I will have to learn more first.

Can I ask- how much water did you use?

How much did you drink?

Did the SN sat mixed with water for 90 minutes?

I used 40 ml of water to make one cup. I made three cups. I mixed it directly before drinking it. After I woke up, I poured the unfinished drink back into the beaker to see how much I drank and it was 20 ml.
The wasted SN though :(
Luckily, I still have enough for another try.

Can you specify the measurements please?

Since I used density to find the volume, I used 8 ml of SN. But I will buy a scale for the next try.

Which brand of SN did you use?

Did you fast before taking it? Which brand was it?

I don't know the brand. I bought it from a local e-commerce, from a shop that sells various chemistry items and seem reputable enough to me based on the stars and reviews. But SN isn't the popular item in the shop, since only a few people bought before me and gave 5 stars without a written review. Seller said it is food grade and 95% purity.

And yes, I didn't eat for at least 24h before it. But I drank lavender tea with honey after sunset due to hunger (6h before schedule, 7.5h before actually drinking SN). The next time I try again, I will not be doing it in the same place, so I will not be able to make lavender tea again.

The OP doesn't seem upset about what did happen. Usually even small doses cause some serious upset. They just fell asleep and woke up to church bells?

Before sleeping, I felt a little dizzy like someone with fever who has been laying down and then try to sit or stand up. But it wasn't as bad as the dizziness I felt with actual fevers. After I woke up, I noticed two blue spots on my fingers and for the whole day I still feel that light dizziness. There was also another sensation with my fingers and toes when they touch running water or touch each other, but I don't know what the sensation is called in English. It's like when you sit on one of your legs for too long and the blood flow gets cut off and then there's that sensation for the leg when you change position and the normal flow return.

Also, i love your profile picture Kanon-Chan best girl.

Kanon-chan best girl The next time I try, I will be drinking cafe au lait as my last normal drink, for her. :KanonSip:

 

[LadyApple]

Did you fast before taking it? Which brand was it? How much did you drink? The fact that you were 1.5 hrs late as you mention shouldn't matter that much. People pass without any AE or anything else, just enough pure SN + fasting.

Yeah I wonder how much did she drink

 

[Fulminare]

Just here to tell OP that you shouldn't use capsules. I ordered some myself but then read it can go terribly wrong. Here is the thread you might want to look at.

 

[Destiny Calls Me]

So many cases of SN failing these passed few months. I think the companies are on to us suicidals and they starting to make the SN non lethal.

After reading through the failed stories of SN, many happen to be a cause of inadequate following of procedure. Per OP they made a density based drink instead of weight based drink. Also the consumption of other fluids didnt help.

I hate to be that guy but if you truly are ready to ctb, you will examine any and all possibilities of failures. The OP clearly knew before hand they were not at the best odds. Im sorry for what you had to experience with that. I wish you the best of luck in finding peace.

 

[sigsq]

Since I used density to find the volume, I used 8 ml of SN. But I will buy a scale for the next try.

I think 25g is about 4.1 teaspoons. This would make 8ml roughly 9.9g.
If you took half, it's still a fair bit. Did you not see any cyanosis?

 

[Challu]

If you didn't use enough SN, you shouldn't even call it a "failure". Just an incorrect dosing. I'm 240 pounds. I need at least 25g of SN. But will use much more.

Someone can't say they failed to blow their brains out with rubber bullets. Of course they did.

 

[releasespieces]

If you didn't use enough SN, you shouldn't even call it a "failure". Just an incorrect dosing. I'm 240 pounds. I need at least 25g of SN. But will use much more.

Someone can't say they failed to blow their brains out with rubber bullets. Of course they did.

Good point, it's not a failure. The title should read… I didn't take SN correctly, this is my experience

 

[ge0rge]

If you didn't use enough SN, you shouldn't even call it a "failure". Just an incorrect dosing. I'm 240 pounds. I need at least 25g of SN. But will use much more.

Someone can't say they failed to blow their brains out with rubber bullets. Of course they did.

how much do you plan to take?

 

[Ireallysuck999]

how much do you plan to take?

You are here since 2018?!

 

[mojabaka]

Didn't expect to see a Love Live fan on this site. I'm more into Muse (Kotori is my favorite), but I love Liella too. I also want to try SN, but due to being disabled by the covid "vaccine" I had to move back with my mom and she found my SN. I've no idea what to do now, I'm broke and can't even order a new one and I don't know where to hide it since she found it in what I thought to be the best hiding place. My life is over anyway.

 

[ge0rge]

You are here since 2018?!

time flies. suicidality waxes and wanes, but my time is quickly running out. i am still here because of technicalities

 

[lionetta12]

I failed my suicide attempt to die with SN, almost 24h ago. I have reasons for dying, reasons for not postponing it, I did the antiemetic regiment correctly, I did almost everything right. Except, I was 1.5h late in schedule to take SN, due to other unfinished things. I didn't vomit, so my domperidone worked fine. I didn't know antacids on empty stomach couldn't last that long (I didn't know that probably because luckily I never have any problems with stomach acid), so I guess lesson learned for the next attempt. My most obvious mistake: not drinking enough of the SN drink. I just couldn't... it is too salty. I could drink only half of my first cup. My other mistake is probably not weighing it correctly. I used the density formula to find the volume of SN that I need instead of directly weighing it. I didn't want to waste money buying a scale, but I think now I should buy one anyway. After realizing I couldn't drink it anymore, I decided to sleep as it was almost 5 am, still holding the hope that I am among the lucky ones that can die from only a small amount of SN. But then I was woken up by the church bells nearby. Disappointed, and knowing for sure I would survive it, I deleted my goodbye bio on my social media. Well, lessons learned. I also now know my body is quite strong in defending against side effects. Coffee never wakes me up, chlorpheniramine maleate doesn't make me sleepy even though it makes my mother sleepy, and now, SN.

I am disappointed with myself. I am sad that I am a descendant of living beings that have been shaped by natural selection for survival. I am sad that I couldn't even finish one cup of the path to freedom. I am sad that I am unable to even cry about this failure, since I have been numb for about two months.

I need to find ways to make it easier to drink something that salty. I read someone talking about dissolving SN in coconut water instead of plain water. Will it work? I thought about putting it in capsules, but I will read more threads here about it. I also thought about buying a stick ice cream just before the time, hopefully it can numb my tongue and mask the salty taste, and it would go like lick it, sip SN, lick it, sip SN, and so on. But I won't finish the ice cream, ofc, since the stomach needs to be as empty as possible.

I'm not really sure what to think and what to feel, other than disappointment and finding ways to trick myself into drinking enough SN.

I'm now officially changing methods, I will no longer be using SN when I leave this world.

 

[NotEnoughIncentive]

Per OP they made a density based drink instead of weight based drink. Also the consumption of other fluids didnt help.

I hate to be that guy but if you truly are ready to ctb, you will examine any and all possibilities of failures. The OP clearly knew before hand they were not at the best odds. Im sorry for what you had to experience with that. I wish you the best of luck in finding peace.

I think 25g is about 4.1 teaspoons. This would make 8ml roughly 9.9g.
If you took half, it's still a fair bit. Did you not see any cyanosis?

I guess I romanticized my suicide plan a bit too much, since I like physics and it would be wonderful to end my life after invoking some physics. (Originally planned to jump, which is all physics to my eyes, but after a year of trying, I still couldn't do it.) But physics now rejected me, and death rejected my physics. So I'll just do a normal scale and give up being able to die together with physics.

It was not a density based drink. It was still based on weight, but I got to weight through volume and density.
I need around 17 g for my body weight. SN density is around 2.17 g/cm3. So 8 cm3 or ml should be around the correct volume for the needed weight.
I don't know what went wrong with that calculation. I guess it'll be the last puzzle I'll try to solve before I try to kill myself again.

I saw two blue spots on my fingers, didn't check my toes, and felt a bit dizzy for the whole day after taking it. That was all the effects I felt I think.

 

[Freedom21]

Killing yourself painlessly and easily isn't well easy. Don't feel bad. Would you judge someone for failing? We are all in the same boat and most suicidal people fail many times before they get it. I would advise you to be very careful if you do SN again. When I was a teenager I didn't research and impulsively took 2 whole bottles Tylenol. I did some serious damage to my liver.

 

[tary]

If we're still talking about making SN easier to get down, I read that drinking through a straw can help.