Story Failed SN attempt: Retrospective

[kohaku]

I don't mean to be pedantic but I'd caution that's not universal advice. Everyone's digestion and metabolism is different. Your stomach may have been empty after five hours but not everyone's.
...

Thank you for your contribution, you make very good points.

Now I'd just like to ask, what do you mean by 'bored with life'? Is it really that boring to the point you'd want to ctb? It's really something I don't understand. I'm the type of person who finds looking at a fly interesting.

Wish you the best!!

Thank you.
I mean what I said. Bored with life. I am restless, but at the same time nothing interests me. I believe it's called anhedonia.

 

[albino_elk]

Poisoning sounds scary:D , 6years ago i tried to poison myself :D i end up in reanimation and i fked up my electrolites but now its fine. Hanging sounds less painful ( time wise) ,no puking and stuff

 

[kohaku]

This would be a classic call for help or attention, not a serious attempt.
Taking less (15g at most) than the lethal dose (20-25g), not taking anti-emetics previously, and above all doing it in a sole bathroom while living with parents - could only mean this person did not really wish to die, which is perfectly fine, "boredom" is certainly not a legitimate reason to end such a young life.

But this could barely be called "a failed attempt". It was not a serious attempt.

Get your act together and try to fix your life, because that is what you really want to do.
The "next time" and "an EVEN BETTER attempt" would have to involve a lot more determination, preparation and planning.
Postpone all this for some time, and give yourself several more YEARS, because one day this may very well be just a bad memory.

Attempts like this one don't prove anything about the lethality of the SN method.
It's like jumping from the 2nd floor on grass and calling it a "failed attempt".

Hi,
You know nothing about my life. Sincerely, sod off and be careful to not tell people to get their act together on a literal suicide forum. You should be telling yourself that.

2nd, people have died from 15 grams, and I am not a big person, either.

 

[PJFord]

When I read here on SS that nearly all failed SN attempts are because the CTBer was found in time, it makes me glad I live alone with few friends and no family nearby. My concern with using this method is sort of the opposite, NOT being found for many days or weeks and what state my body will be in by then.

Thank you for sharing your experience, and I hope you find peace soon either through life or CTBing. Amazing with what you went through how lucid and detailed your memory is, no typos, etc. SN is a very interesting substance indeed. It can both lead to certain death or we can have seemingly 100% recovery.

 

[feast or famine]

Hi,
You know nothing about my life. Sincerely, sod off and be careful to not tell people to get their act together on a literal suicide forum. You should be telling yourself that.

2nd, people have died from 15 grams, and I am not a big person, either.

Not trying to really interfere, but you did say in a previous thread that being found would be "fun" and offer you another chance at life. I don't mean to be rude and understand you're struggling, but with what you've said yourself in a previous thread, it doesn't seem like this was something you were 100% committed to.

I really wish you the best and hope you find your peace.

 

[NextSummer]

Thanks for sharing your experiences. I wonder, will you next attempt be again with SN?

 

[Steamm]

Thanks for sharing your history, that's my way to go too

 

[Ghost2211]

Glad to see you again. I'm sorry you were found and not allowed to die as you desired. It does in fact sound like not enough SN and too much water, but in the end being found that fast would have messed up the process anyway.

Thank you for sharing this. It sounds like SN is indeed peaceful enough.

 

[RedOdette]

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. It really helps to hear different perspectives. Wishing you the best going forward.

 

[checkouttime]

can i ask? how much noise do you think you were making before you were found? do you think this is why your dad knocked on the bathroom door? what i really mean i guess is do you think you were being noisey??

i don't mean to sound so insensitive. just part of the SN method i haven't heard people talk about yet. and your description was pretty thorough and informative

 

[albino_elk]

You better use full hanging instead of poisoning, much less pain.

 

[Jellyfish42]

This was a helpful read, it's nice to get a clearer understanding of the SN method. Sucks that your attempt failed but that doesn't take away from the credibility of the SN method.

Also best of luck at the hospital. It'll probably take some adjustment but I think being at the hospital will help with at-least the boredom aspect. They usually have other patients to interact with, and a ton of programs to keep occupied. Kind of like an all expenses paid vacation... ok not quite lol

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

This would be a classic call for help or attention, not a serious attempt.
Taking less (15g at most) than the lethal dose (20-25g), not taking anti-emetics previously, and above all doing it in a sole bathroom while living with parents - could only mean this person did not really wish to die, which is perfectly fine, "boredom" is certainly not a legitimate reason to end such a young life.

Attempts like this one don't prove anything about the lethality of the SN method.
It's like jumping from the 2nd floor on grass or cutting one's wrists sideways and calling it a "failed attempt".

To be clear, 15 g *is* a very lethal dose. In fact, a lethal dose is less than 3 g. The 20-25 g recommendation is based on what will kill the person ingesting it in a speedy manner, without initiating the need to vomit so quickly that it is all lost. I think the analogy at the end of your post is really misleading to others. Given the reported methemoglobin levels, death would have occurred had the OP not been found.

 

[crybaby]

Thank you so much for sharing, I hope you can find peace next time

 

[Mm80]

Thanks for sharing. Any explanation for what caused the liver damage?

 

[checkouttime]

Thanks for sharing. Any explanation for what caused the liver damage?

I assumed they were saying it as, in the SN caused it???? I thought people said it had no negative effects in a failed attempt?

does it have no negative effects at small doses, but at higher dosage it does cause damage, maybe???

 

[Mm80]

I assumed they were saying it as, in the SN caused it???? I thought people said it had no negative effects in a failed attempt?

does it have no negative effects at small doses, but at higher dosage it does cause damage, maybe???

Yeah just not sure as I've never heard about tge liver being damaged by it but like you said quite a bit was ingested.

 

[Meditation guide]

So 3g SN is already 67% methemoglobinemia wow

This is the part that varies tremendously from person to person. I've read all that google has to offer in medical resources on this. Even if ten people all take the same amounts, how much gets converted into methemoglobinemia varies a lot from person to person.

t doesn't seem like this was something you were 100% committed to.

I don't think it's helpful to try to second guess anyone's motivation to ctb here. Just because you don't think he did it correctly does not mean he didn't want to die.

Lot's of people are not thinking logically or thoughtfully by the time they make an attempt to ctb. Some can barely function at all in the world. Not everyone is able to follow a plan perfectly here.

 

[kohaku]

can i ask? how much noise do you think you were making before you were found? do you think this is why your dad knocked on the bathroom door? what i really mean i guess is do you think you were being noisey??

i don't mean to sound so insensitive. just part of the SN method i haven't heard people talk about yet. and your description was pretty thorough and informative

I wasn't making pretty much any noise at all. It was total coincidence.

You better use full hanging instead of poisoning, much less pain.

SN poisoning is FAR less painful than full hanging would be.

Thanks for sharing. Any explanation for what caused the liver damage?

Any kind of poison ingested in large amounts will cause liver damage. This isn't something you should be worried about, though, as it's not permanent.

 

[rt1989526]

I wasn't making pretty much any noise at all. It was total coincidence.



SN poisoning is FAR less painful than full hanging would be.

Any kind of poison ingested in large amounts will cause liver damage. This isn't something you should be worried about, though, as it's not permanent.

Really appreciate the info, how are you feeling now?

 

[HadEnough1974]

Anyone curious about what a SN suicide attempt would be like, wonder no more. There are plenty of threads about this but I've chosen to summarize my experience to add one more to the books.

First of all, I'm a healthy human. I have no documented physical illnesses, healthy as a horse.

I also took 1 mg of my sweet, sweet prescription lorazepam (Ativan) an hour prior to this, but it didn't seem to do much asides from curb my anxiety. Oh, and 1 g of paracetamol, which seemed to make the whole process quite painless.

Around 00:30, I said my goodbyes to everyone and logged off. I was locked in the bathroom while everyone was asleep. I had prepared a glass of a mixture of SN and water. I had a 100g bottle of SN and put 4 sloppily measured teaspoons in the glass, which would equal roughly to 15g.

I downed the glass. Honestly? It tasted horrible, but I could stomach it. It actually still tasted better than medicine. Only issue was that I immediately wanted something to wash the gross, salty taste down with, but plain water did help a bit. I put on some music and lied down on the pillows I had laid across the bathroom floor. And listening to my song, I waited.

I could feel my hand getting cold and fingers getting numb from a lack of oxygen. My heart was starting to really speed up. It didn't hurt, but it was kind of uncomfortable, so if you want 100% peace using this method yourself I recommend some more preparation, unless, of course, you don't mind. For me, it was bearable, but that might just have been because of the lorazepam I took.

Maybe 5 minutes in I was starting to feel nauseous. I expected this, so I had another glass prepared. Vomiting SN actually felt about the same as vomiting any other substance, so I was fine with it. I just had the end goal in mind.

What I didn't expect, however, was my dad knocking on the bathroom door. I tried hiding my stuff, but at that point I kind of knew I was screwed. I threw up soon after that, and then my dad called my mom, too. At that point it was maybe... 10 or so? minutes in. I felt weak but still managed to stand until I finally left the bathroom and stumbled really bad.

Five steps out of there, I passed out and crumpled on the floor like a ragdoll. I hardly remember it now but I know I willingly told my parents what substance it was since they'd have found it anyway. I remember moving around a bit but passed out at least two more times between those movements. I sounded a little loopy and I was barely conscious.

Then my parents called the ambulance. I was awake when the paramedics came, but passed out again when they carried me to and from the ambulance. I remember they put me on oxygen. Next thing I know I'm at intensive care hooked up to different IVs for hours. Nurses told me I was lucky to be alive.

Ironically, the hospital was actually the most painful part. I was told there was around 3g SN in my system and I was at roughly 67% methemoglobinemia when they got me. The IVs were painful (according to the nurses, this was because of the poisoning making me more sensitive) and I was really cold. I was also mildly delirious, but only in the sense of just really feeling out of it and my vision drifting. Some weird mental imagery too, but it was also mild.

I'm still hospitalized. Results showed anemia and liver damage, but I should be fine.

I find it funny that, had I not wanted to keep my dignity by not dying outside, if I left home and did it in the forest, I would've been long dead. But I'll take it as it is. I'm happy to provide you all with my experience.

Honestly? I think I did all this because I was bored. Bored with life. And I'm still bored, but the next time I make an attempt, I'll make it even better than this. Thanks for reading.

Feel free to ask questions if I missed anything. And yes, I'm going to be sent to a psych ward right after this. I'm fine with it, though.

If you tried to kill yourself because you're "bored with life", then the psych ward should add some spice to your life!!

Recommended movie: "one flew over the cuckoo's nest."

Enjoy



And if you find that life is "less boring" in a psych ward, talk to yourself, masturbate in front of people and act all crazy.

They'll keep you there for a long time and your life can eternally be more exciting and less boring and full of new experiences, in the psych ward.

Oh and always introduce yourself to as "Dr. Fielding" to the rest of the crew and ask to check their vitals. Steal a white coat and stethoscope to make it look more official.

Enjoy

 

[BipolarGuy]

Hi,
You know nothing about my life. Sincerely, sod off and be careful to not tell people to get their act together on a literal suicide forum. You should be telling yourself that.

2nd, people have died from 15 grams, and I am not a big person, either.

Well said.

This is supposed to be a peer to peer support website, not a cultish website that encourages others to take their lives or a platform to criticise others who attempt to end their lives.

But hey, you'll always come across freaks.

Anyway take care.

 

[kohaku]

Really appreciate the info, how are you feeling now?

Honestly alright. Getting transferred today.

 

[listeningpost1379]

I am so sorry about what happened, you did not deserve that. Thank you for sharing with us.

 

[Meditation guide]

Feel free to ask questions if I missed anything. And yes, I'm going to be sent to a psych ward right after this. I'm fine with it, though.

I truly appreciate your detailed account of what happened! This was very helpful to us. And I'm surprised and pleased you are fine with going to a psych ward. I wish you well.

SN poisoning is FAR less painful than full hanging would be.

I just wanted to be absolutely sure of this: are you saying you had no pain at all from drinking SN? And you did not take the second glass of it correct?

 

[kohaku]

I truly appreciate your detailed account of what happened! This was very helpful to us. And I'm surprised and pleased you are fine with going to a psych ward. I wish you well.

I just wanted to be absolutely sure of this: are you saying you had no pain at all from drinking SN? And you did not take the second glass of it correct?

Thank you!

Nope, no pain. I'm sure. I believe I might've sipped on the second glass? But that was it. Only discomfort from nausea, heartbeat and vomiting.

 

[Meditation guide]

Nope, no pain. I'm sure.

I'm now wondering if you had some very pure SN from somewhere. Would you mind, and this is not absolutely necessary if you don't want to so ignore it, saying where or what company you got it from? Again if you dont want to say it's perfectly ok.

I had abandoned the idea of this method due to a few saying it was very painful.

 

[theguineapigking]

I'm now wondering if you had some very pure SN from somewhere. Would you mind, and this is not absolutely necessary if you don't want to so ignore it, saying where or what company you got it from? Again if you dont want to say it's perfectly ok.

I had abandoned the idea of this method due to a few saying it was very painful.

@krtgrf -If you do choose to share the source, please pm it to meditation guide. You don't want to share it publicly, because those annoying pro-lifers(rolling eyes) will go after the seller/source and take them down. We don't want that, right?

 

[checkouttime]

Im going to take an educated guess but i think a whole lot of people will feel better about the SN method after reading this. especially after all the bullshit, i had a little SN with my burger and chips threads!! This one is actually informative, and shows that it is completely possible(im not saying you have to do this) without some of the recommended things used in conjunction.

Seems to me if you've got SN and don't get caught/found....you're CTB for sure :)

Thank you OP for sharing your experience and i wish you a quick recovery.

 

[Infinite Conscious]

But hey, you'll always come across freaks.

The girl did it in the BATHROOM while living with parents!?
And I'm a "freak" for pointing out that this was a classic cry for help - "please find me and help me"!?
No anti-emetics?
She planned to be in the bathroom dying for hours and expected no one to knock on the door eventually???
Come on, let's be serious, suicide is the most serious topic in the world (more serious and difficult than homicide).

Of course I would like the girl to live, and she does need help from her family... and that's obviously what she wanted as well.