Story Failed first attempt(?)

[SoonToBeSoil]

Storytime!
After doing some activities with some family members (it was actually kinda fun and we ate yummy food!) I was left alone at home. My grandma's house, far away from where I normally live, just to be clear. Where I am from, there is nothing near me within walking distance. Anywho, I was left alone and on impulse decided to go walking to make an attempt via jumping under a truck in traffic. I did not plan anything out, even just leaving all my things (including my phone, which has my location) outside on the ground (I was locked out and would be for maybe an hour max). As I walked, I noticed the vehicles were not going so fast as I thought they were (speed limit 30-35) and there were very few trucks. I don't think I even saw any full semi trucks. In CT, where I am from, 18-wheeler trucks are everywhere. Anyway, I was walking aimlessly for a while, hoping to find a highway. Eventually I came across a train track. I started walking down it for a long while, hoping for a train. After maybe a mile or so I passed by a station that stated they were only open Monday through Friday. Hoping that that was just for passenger trains, I kept going for even longer. The sun was blaring and I had no sunscreen. Not that it'd matter when I'm dead. Eventually though, I realized there were likely no trains today and sat down in the shade on the side, praying to be wrong and for a train to come along. Well, none were coming, so I decided to go back and try another day. I was contented just to know this method was so available to me.

Once off the track, I started looking for places I could jump from. Soon enough, I found a tall transmission line thingy that was right next to a parking lot. Most are usually over grass, which is why I'd not want to jump from them. But if I could land on pavement, I'd probably die, right? Well, after climbing (maybe a third or a half?) way up I realized I'd actually need to jump pretty far in order to reach the parking lot.

There was also this guy near the road speaking into a microphone talking about Jesus. I sat down and listened to him for a minute from across the street before getting up and spotting the transmission line thingy.

There was also this man watching me, I think.

Then I did my walk of shame back, knowing I had left all my things outside just on the ground, which was very suspicious. I also did and said some things earlier that day that I know would have became "signs" of my impending suicide to my family when they looked back in hindsight. Well, I got back, and they literally weren't worried at all. So I didn't have to explain anything thankfully. [End of story.]

Now I guess I have another day... I'm probably just going to keep reading my book, I hope I can finish it before I succeed. If not, whatever. I'll be dead anyway. (I seem to use that phrase a lot)

We do go back to CT in a couple days, if I make it to then I guess I would be able to do some things I'd do to prepare for my suicide like giving away certain things and cleaning up my belongings and whatnot. I don't really care for that though, to be honest. I think I'm going to go attempt again come Monday morning when the train is in service again.

I'm probably not going to leave a note or explain anything to anyone. (Curious to know what you all think of that since notes seem to be popular.)

Now I'm bored! Thought I'd share.

I'm very happy to have a method picked and ready!!! For so long, of course I have wanted to kill myself, but becoming more specific in actually accomplishing that has always been difficult. I've finally answered that thought, I hope.

Please do not discourage me from this method by reason of leaving trauma on the conductor. I don't care.

P.S.: I'm thinking of putting my neck on the rail to decapitate myself, that's how I should go about it, right? I'm not completely certain on this part of the method. I'd either do that, or jump in front, or should I put my head on the rail instead? Or lay in the same direction as one of the rails, on top of it? IDK. Right now decapitation seems the most logical.

 

[itsgone2]

I'm sorry we're all here, as what you write about is ultimately tragic, but it's an interesting read. I've thought through those things, not acted on them quite as much as you did.
Agree on trains. I'm not here to discourage. The exact method can be debated but all likely work

 

[SoonToBeSoil]

I am so excited!!!!!!!!! I feel so happy to know I am going to be dead. Bless the Lord thank you Jesus my savior and father (To be clear I am not christian and am not a believer but I still find myself saying things like these, idk)

Just been playing video games for a bit, TBH. And messaging some online friends that I have not messaged in a while.

 

[Secro]

It's best to do this somewhere where the train doesn't stop, otherwise there shouldn't be any problem.

 

[SoonToBeSoil]

It's best to do this somewhere where the train doesn't stop, otherwise there shouldn't be any problem.

Thank you. I forgot to consider this.
(separate reply that I know will be edited onto my last message bc this forum does that): I looked so hot today. It would have been great to been killed, grrrr...

 

[EDSsucks]

Storytime!
After doing some activities with some family members (it was actually kinda fun and we ate yummy food!) I was left alone at home. My grandma's house, far away from where I normally live, just to be clear. Where I am from, there is nothing near me within walking distance. Anywho, I was left alone and on impulse decided to go walking to make an attempt via jumping under a truck in traffic. I did not plan anything out, even just leaving all my things (including my phone, which has my location) outside on the ground (I was locked out and would be for maybe an hour max). As I walked, I noticed the vehicles were not going so fast as I thought they were (speed limit 30-35) and there were very few trucks. I don't think I even saw any full semi trucks. In CT, where I am from, 18-wheeler trucks are everywhere. Anyway, I was walking aimlessly for a while, hoping to find a highway. Eventually I came across a train track. I started walking down it for a long while, hoping for a train. After maybe a mile or so I passed by a station that stated they were only open Monday through Friday. Hoping that that was just for passenger trains, I kept going for even longer. The sun was blaring and I had no sunscreen. Not that it'd matter when I'm dead. Eventually though, I realized there were likely no trains today and sat down in the shade on the side, praying to be wrong and for a train to come along. Well, none were coming, so I decided to go back and try another day. I was contented just to know this method was so available to me.

Once off the track, I started looking for places I could jump from. Soon enough, I found a tall transmission line thingy that was right next to a parking lot. Most are usually over grass, which is why I'd not want to jump from them. But if I could land on pavement, I'd probably die, right? Well, after climbing (maybe a third or a half?) way up I realized I'd actually need to jump pretty far in order to reach the parking lot.

There was also this guy near the road speaking into a microphone talking about Jesus. I sat down and listened to him for a minute from across the street before getting up and spotting the transmission line thingy.

There was also this man watching me, I think.

Then I did my walk of shame back, knowing I had left all my things outside just on the ground, which was very suspicious. I also did and said some things earlier that day that I know would have became "signs" of my impending suicide to my family when they looked back in hindsight. Well, I got back, and they literally weren't worried at all. So I didn't have to explain anything thankfully. [End of story.]

Now I guess I have another day... I'm probably just going to keep reading my book, I hope I can finish it before I succeed. If not, whatever. I'll be dead anyway. (I seem to use that phrase a lot)

We do go back to CT in a couple days, if I make it to then I guess I would be able to do some things I'd do to prepare for my suicide like giving away certain things and cleaning up my belongings and whatnot. I don't really care for that though, to be honest. I think I'm going to go attempt again come Monday morning when the train is in service again.

I'm probably not going to leave a note or explain anything to anyone. (Curious to know what you all think of that since notes seem to be popular.)

Now I'm bored! Thought I'd share.

I'm very happy to have a method picked and ready!!! For so long, of course I have wanted to kill myself, but becoming more specific in actually accomplishing that has always been difficult. I've finally answered that thought, I hope.

Please do not discourage me from this method by reason of leaving trauma on the conductor. I don't care.

P.S.: I'm thinking of putting my neck on the rail to decapitate myself, that's how I should go about it, right? I'm not completely certain on this part of the method. I'd either do that, or jump in front, or should I put my head on the rail instead? Or lay in the same direction as one of the rails, on top of it? IDK. Right now decapitation seems the most logical.

I think you must be very young, and/or haven't thought the train idea through very well.

It's highly unlikely that your survival instinct will allow you to passively lie on the tracks and wait. Trains are absolutely ENORMOUS and incredibly powerful. The sound will be deafening and terrifying. But the vibrations will likely be worse. By the time the train is really close the track will be shaking intensely from the force and speed rocketing towards you. Lying still and allowing the impact would be almost impossible unless you are psychotic or on major drugs.

 

[post_card]

I think you must be very young, and/or haven't thought the train idea through very well.

It's highly unlikely that your survival instinct will allow you to passively lie on the tracks and wait. Trains are absolutely ENORMOUS and incredibly powerful. The sound will be deafening and terrifying. But the vibrations will likely be worse. By the time the train is really close the track will be shaking intensely from the force and speed rocketing towards you. Lying still and allowing the impact would be almost impossible unless you are psychotic or on major drugs.

I remember once i was at a train station, crossing tracks. And i got close to a regular passenger train (not a moving one ofc). I stood in front of it's nose. The size of it freightened me. I never thought trains were actually that big, they seem way smaller if you only stand on the station. Close up they are terrifying. Even if they are only stationary.
That small experience made me understand, why suicide attempts by trains don't have 100% efficiency.

 

[fluorescentpearl]

I think you must be very young, and/or haven't thought the train idea through very well.

It's highly unlikely that your survival instinct will allow you to passively lie on the tracks and wait. Trains are absolutely ENORMOUS and incredibly powerful. The sound will be deafening and terrifying. But the vibrations will likely be worse. By the time the train is really close the track will be shaking intensely from the force and speed rocketing towards you. Lying still and allowing the impact would be almost impossible unless you are psychotic or on major drugs.

Op died by train ctb

 

[EDSsucks]

Op died by train ctb

What confirmation do you have of this?

 

[fluorescentpearl]

What confirmation do you have of this?

Their last post where they said they will die of train and then they never went online ever again?

 

[EDSsucks]

Their last post where they said they will die of train and then they never went online ever again?

That's not really confirmation. That's speculation. There are multiple other reasons why they might have left the site.

 

[heal]

That's not really confirmation. That's speculation. There are multiple other reasons why they might have left the site.

Agreed. For all we know, they could be in a psych ward without access to their phone. Regardless, I really hope they are doing okay.

SoonToBeSoil, I may not have known you, but it aches my heart to know you have been suffering to the degree this felt necessary. If you are still with us, I truly hope your situation improves and you can find some peace. It is likely of little consolation to hear from a stranger, but you will be in my thoughts.