capi
Just a matter of time.
- Nov 13, 2023
- 299
SI is ironically ruining my life. It brings me incredible depression knowing I probably cant die, and I have no control over myself. I hate it so much. I am so, so depressed its made me bedridden because of it.
I just get paralyzed with fear.
Never once have i ever regretted an attempt. I should have did my last one the whole way.
I cry for entire days because I can't die. I genuinely hate it. My brain switches up on me.
Im trying to do mental reprogramming, like how soldiers do when being forced into life threatening situations, but thats going to take a while, and the more I wait the more anxiety and depressed I get which makes it harder.
I just dont get it. How do some people do it? So many people go ahead with it everyday. So many have cbted.
Maybe I need to work through some of my personal grief of dying. I dont know.
I just get paralyzed with fear.
Never once have i ever regretted an attempt. I should have did my last one the whole way.
I cry for entire days because I can't die. I genuinely hate it. My brain switches up on me.
Im trying to do mental reprogramming, like how soldiers do when being forced into life threatening situations, but thats going to take a while, and the more I wait the more anxiety and depressed I get which makes it harder.
I just dont get it. How do some people do it? So many people go ahead with it everyday. So many have cbted.
Maybe I need to work through some of my personal grief of dying. I dont know.
