I have absolutely no motivation. I’m diagnosed with autism, bipolar disorder, depression, and heavily suspect I also have borderline personality disorder and anxiety as well. I hate leaving the house, I don’t want people looking at me or interacting with me because of my low self esteem and anxiety and beyond that I just have a really hard time waking up early and getting out of bed in a timely matter because of my motivation issues. My autism makes me slower and I feel like I’m too stupid to hold down a job or go to college. I am just so depressed, what is the point of putting myself through all this stress and forcing myself to be a functional adult when I’m just going to end it all soon anyways?
Anyway, I hate the idea of suffering before I die. I’ve been suffering my whole life, and I want to be happy and peaceful before I go for the first time in my life, but I’ve heard from a lot of people that there is no such thing as a peaceful suicide - I don’t know if that’s the truth or not, considering a lot of people hold misconceptions about suicide or spread misinformation to discourage suicidal people from ctb.
I don’t want to hurt the people I love and the people who love me
But I know if I continue living I am destined to live a horrible life where I’m burnt out and stressed all the time because I just don’t have the capacity to work a nine to five for the rest of my life. 😭
Maybe I should try applying for disability benefits / SSI ?