Venting Excited to be done

[DignifiedGrave]

This weekend ill finally be ending my life. Ill be hanging myself. The last thing I gotta do is i need to make my door jamb secure enough to hold me. So im doubling the left hand stud where ive anchored my noose with an eye bolt. Ive take it down temporarily until the modification is made. Tonight, I cut away the drywall to expose the stud enough so that I can work on it tomorrow, since I couldn't find 10 foot 2x3 at lowes or home depot, ill be ripping a 2x4 into a 2x3 and cutting it to length. My plan is to dry fit it, see if it's to my liking, then glue the two studs together and screw them as well, and toenail the new stud to the tope and bottom plate. Making effectively, one nice strong stud that can withstand a lot a lateral force and hopefully not snap from flexing under my weight. Finally ill drill the hole out for my noose anchor. The current stud in my door frame already has one so when I marry the new stud to it I just gotta drill that one too. Since I figure ill have the doorframe reinforced tomorrow, ill be totally free to ctb this weekend. I basically just have to keep my room clean and try to keep up with hygienics otherwise. I think starting tonight ive giving up all consumption but water. I have no need for eating. Im not even totally sure ill overcome by SI but I think I can and will and I believe after so many rehearsals and testing and after I finish reinforcing this doorframe, the certainly that the frame won't fail I think will give me some comfort. Recently ive been working to reconcile my deep wish for an afterlife and not nothing. Ive been telling myself that because total absence is pure peace, that afterlife or not, it's a win win. Wish me luck for this weekend, i definitely hope for myself that my crossing will lead me somewhere beautiful. I once heard that souls choose to come here and take difficult roles to learn lessons. I sure wonder what my lesson was.
In any rate. With my noose anchored into a double stud, I dont think my tool will fail. Its all up to me now to put what I know into action. I only wish I could report back from the underside. Will keep posted, maybe.

 

[Hollowman]

Good luck

 

[barryberkman]

good luck, I hope you find peace and that your crossing takes you someplace beautiful

 

[FF777]

you seem to be thorough and diligent in having every thing set up properly which is good..

i strongly believe in spirit world and think we are still fine and conscious there.. i don't like calling it afterlife because i think spirit world is our spirit's native habitat and we are only in these physical bodies temporarily, and by choice.. and i think there are a lot of reasons souls choose to incarnate here, not always just to learn hard lessons.. some souls just want to experience physicality..

but do you care to elaborate on any of your actual life circumstances or what led you up to this decision?.. you don't have to go in to detail or any thing if you don't want to, but i'm just kind of curious.. fron the title of the thread you seem to be relieved to be at this point or some thing.. just make double sure this is what you want to do and every thing..

 

[DignifiedGrave]

you seem to be thorough and diligent in having every thing set up properly which is good..

i strongly believe in spirit world and think we are still fine and conscious there.. i don't like calling it afterlife because i think spirit world is our spirit's native habitat and we are only in these physical bodies temporarily, and by choice.. and i think there are a lot of reasons souls choose to incarnate here, not always just to learn hard lessons.. some souls just want to experience physicality..

but do you care to elaborate on any of your actual life circumstances or what led you up to this decision?.. you don't have to go in to detail or any thing if you don't want to, but i'm just kind of curious.. fron the title of the thread you seem to be relieved to be at this point or some thing.. just make double sure this is what you want to do and every thing..

Heyo. Im hear because ive dealt with depression and alienation since like 13, now 23. Ive had ups and downs, but after doing good for two years when I began transitioning working ups and using the insurance to fix my teeth and start on getting hormones to a doctor and setting up a surgery appointment, unfortunately, last October my depression and suicidal ideation has come back very strong. Its always been with me but now its especially part of me. I disassociate constantly and i never can feel relaxed. So after months of being heavily suicidal ive become very set on hanging myself and im honestly am relieved about it. Even though im nervous, I really believe this is what I need. I had a rehearsal where I was in syncope for a bit and it was really nice feeling i wasnt even a person who exists. Im ready to go back. So yeah. Chronic depression and alienation followed by life getting good and then my mood still be bad.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find peace.