Everything needed to SN is here.

[stoplmp]

So, the antiemetics arrived, and I already have everything ready.

I'm still surprised by how easy it was to get the metoclopramide, just ordered it and in less than 30 minutes it arrived. I'm holding it on my hands right now.

Only thing holding me back is not knowing my SN purity thanks to the weird faulty test that I bought, instead of giving me pink-red for nitrite it gave me brown-orange. And once I tested it with tap water it gave me pink-red as extreme nitrite concentration. Weird.

But well, it's my only SN source, and I gotta give it a shot. My only chance to CTB is with SN. I might fail thanks to it not being pure enough, but I won't know until I try it.

I also accidentally broke the fasting protocol. Was doing everything right then I simply forgot about it and ate a chocolate. I can't believe i broke 8hrs of fasting because of a chocolate. Not only one, but TWO. I ate two chocolates. I am a dumbass. Lol

Also, for the pure sake of coincidence, my psychologist that hasn't talked with me for weeks decided to mark an appointment with me tomorrow.


Back to the main point, I have 1g of paracetamol, 30mg of metoclopramide, clonazepam (benzo), and the SN right at my table. I just have to dissolve it now and start with the paracetamol.

Thinking if I really should do this today or if it's not the right time. It's my cousin's birthday today.

To be honest, I don't know what to say anymore. I'm out of words.

 

[gokpg]

Goodluck with journey, i hope you will find the peace you are looking for

 

[TiredOfAllThis]

Wish you to finally find peace

 

[boddibo]

Thinking if I really should do this today or if it's not the right time. It's my cousin's birthday today.

As always, don't do it on impulse just because you have everything ready. If you're asking this question to yourself, it (maybe) means that it shouldn't be today.

I also accidentally broke the fasting protocol. Was doing everything right then I simply forgot about it and ate a chocolate. I can't believe i broke 8hrs of fasting because of a chocolate. Not only one, but TWO. I ate two chocolates. I am a dumbass. Lol

And as you stated, you broke the fasting protocol. You would put yourself at risks.

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best.

 

[jonward55]

I'm still surprised by how easy it was to get the metoclopramide, just ordered it and in less than 30 minutes it arrived. I'm holding it on my hands right now

How ?

 

[tbroken]

Back to the main point, I have 1g of paracetamol, 30mg of metoclopramide, clonazepam (benzo), and the SN right at my table. I just have to dissolve it now and start with the paracetamol.

Just to know... did you get benzos on prescription, right?

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry that life brought you to this point. I hope you find peace! safe travels and good luck!

 

[billie]

I hope you find the peace you are looking for

 

[Timothy7dff]

How did you get the metoclopramide so easily?

 

[stoplmp]

As always, don't do it on impulse just because you have everything ready. If you're asking this question to yourself, it (maybe) means that it shouldn't be today.


And as you stated, you broke the fasting protocol. You would put yourself at risks.

Yes, that's why I'm thinking a lot about doing this today. Like the ruined fasting and my cousin's birthday. I'm still thinking about it.

I'm still surprised by how easy it was to get the metoclopramide, just ordered it and in less than 30 minutes it arrived. I'm holding it on my hands right now

How ?

How did you get the metoclopramide so easily?

Local food ordering app. Seems like people here don't really care about prescription for meto

 

[stoplmp]

Just to know... did you get benzos on prescription, right?

Yes, benzos was from prescription. Got them because I was having difficulty sleeping, and for the whole sake of it they will also serve me for this purpose.

 

[AllMyDreams]

I don't know you, but based on what you've written, I honestly would try hanging around for a few weeks/months and see how you feel. Some people for example who received approval for euthanasia in Belgium said that knowing they could die at any time actually made life more bearable for them.

You're in a very fortunate position. If life becomes too unbearable you have an out.

 

[gorexzxz]

Good Luck.

 

[tbroken]

I don't know you, but based on what you've written, I honestly would try hanging around for a few weeks/months and see how you feel. Some people for example who received approval for euthanasia in Belgium said that knowing they could die at any time actually made life more bearable for them.

You're in a very fortunate position. If life becomes too unbearable you have an out.

Nice thinking... But in my case it was difficult to gain freedom and SN. And now that i have a little bit of it, I don't want to loose it.

 

[AllMyDreams]

Nice thinking... But in my case it was difficult to gain freedom and SN. And now that i have a little bit of it, I don't want to loose it.

What do you mean by lose it? You'll still have the SN on you.

 

[tbroken]

What do you mean by lose it? You'll still have the SN on you.

Maybe it is my CPTSD speaking, but if i somehow get incapacitated or lose my mind completely, or someone finds my SN, it would not be possible anymore to ctb by SN.

 

[AllMyDreams]

Maybe it is my CPTSD speaking, but if i somehow get incapacitated or lose my mind completely, or someone finds my SN, it would not be possible anymore to ctb by SN.

Of course finding the SN is a risk but with proper planning I'm sure you can avoid that. I can't speak to how likely you are to be incapacitated.

 

[tbroken]

Of course finding the SN is a risk but with proper planning I'm sure you can avoid that. I can't speak to how likely you are to be incapacitated.

I don't know, but it was already difficult to get those things, that i just don't wanna loose them, for whichever reason.

 

[vitalism]

Just to know... did you get benzos on prescription, right?

why does it matter?