B4mbi
Melly
- Nov 11, 2022
- 76
I sent this to my tutor, I can't take it anymore.
For context, I go to a ballet uni for rejects who aren't good enough to be professional dancers so we're being trained to be teachers.
Dear Felicity,
I hope this email reaches you well.
I have thought about sending this email a lot, I do not want to be acting out of anger or frustration here but as you preach as though you care about the well being of your students and for once I want my voice heard, though I am definitely the only one who feels this way right now. The selection for the sharing of work was just so blatant, you didn't even try to hide your favouritism so I'm not going to hide my anger. This is not a professional show, it is to share with our family and friends what we have been working on, correct? Or is this a vanity event for the rad that the students loved ones aren't really even invited to because you suddenly announce that it's going to be this Friday with no time for anyone to prepare. You've excluded over half the class and use the same handful of students that you use for everything. The promotional pictures and videos on social media, the events, I even saw pictures of the same students printed in a book. And the rest of us who have worked so hard and have come so far only to be slapped in the face and basically told that you don't care. Telling us that there isn't anytime is a lie, we're just not good enough for you, right? And then you throw us a little bone with the class work, that's not even going to be as long as the level 4s with no bits to show us off. No, and I know you'll also put the same 5 in front of us while we stay in the back where we belong never to see the light? And you knew it was too obvious and bad what you were doing so you threw us this bone. How were we supposed to feel seeing the special ones posting about their special day on social media while we ourselves are excluded just like always. Do you have any idea the amount of tension and bullying this creates in the class? No. Because you only listen to the same 5 girls who tell you everything is perfect and you listen to them because they are the loudest.
I already knew it was going to be like this when I joined the course, obviously there are always popular girls and I accepted that. But please stop acting like you care when it's obvious you don't. You think you're such a prestigious course when you can't even be bothered to have someone wait outside to tell us when to go in incase you're running early for the exam? You can't even say thank you when we've finished dancing for you? No you just expect us to know exactly what to do all the time when you only tell maybe one of those girls who don't share with the rest of us. There are many other examples of this where you refuse resources for those who need them the most like refusing to have class over zoom or even refusing to send the zoom links on the day of a train strike. Ultimately favouriting the rich students who can conveniently move next to the building. You knew what my circumstances were when you gave me a that offer, did you even read my personal statement? Or did you send me that offer as a joke? Is my whole existence a vehicle to elevate their own inflated self worth. just something to laugh at?
I understand that you're probably not even reading anymore at this point. I feel as though you think you can do no wrong just because you have the rad title. I know nothing I say changes anything, but maybe next time consider how your students feel instead of treating them like objects? You preach so much about what being a good teacher is all about but you don't follow any of it. what example is this vanity project sending to us for when we prepare our own students for their shows? Would you have us treat them with the same coldness and disregard, breading all this negativity and resentment within the space? Please consider this. I am not the only one who has felt like this for a long time but I have to say something now that your cruelty has reached this level.
Do you know how many times I've been pushed aside by this same handful of treasured students who don't let me use the practise space? Because you've taught them that they are more important. Yesterday I couldn't even run my repertoire once because they sat in the middle of the stage even when they weren't practising because they've come to understand that that is their stage and it is not to be shared with the likes of me. Other times when I'm practising they will turn on their music loudly and dance right into me, stand and stare at me until I move. They act annoyed that I was there. Every time I am among them I feel like I'm doing something wrong by being there and I'm your eyes I am aren't I? Tell me the truth. Do you understand that your favouritism creates this type of behaviour? You make it so obvious that they are of upmost importance and that I mean nothing. Are you pleased with yourselves?
Immediately they made me meet with them, I can't believe I actually thought it was because they were worried or that someone cares about me. But I was so so wrong. They told me off and said how offended and hurt they were, they didn't even ask me about myself or the bullying and forced me to write an apology letter.
I know who ever is reading this thinks I'm disgusting and I suppose you're right. The world keeps telling me to ctb in little ways like this and telling me that no one cares. I don't have any parents or relatives and I live on my own so it should be easy, right? Why can't I stab myself or jump in front of a train? I know they were angry that I was still alive after writing that. They took it as a threat and hence got "offended". And it's all my fault everyone hates me and it's my fault I have no friends and my family hates me. I keep telling myself that it's everyone else not me but I know not so deep down that the miserable rat that needs to be dealt with is me. I'm not happy being stepped on all my life so the only thing I can do to atone for speaking up is to kill myself. They'll get their apology.
For context, I go to a ballet uni for rejects who aren't good enough to be professional dancers so we're being trained to be teachers.
Dear Felicity,
I hope this email reaches you well.
I have thought about sending this email a lot, I do not want to be acting out of anger or frustration here but as you preach as though you care about the well being of your students and for once I want my voice heard, though I am definitely the only one who feels this way right now. The selection for the sharing of work was just so blatant, you didn't even try to hide your favouritism so I'm not going to hide my anger. This is not a professional show, it is to share with our family and friends what we have been working on, correct? Or is this a vanity event for the rad that the students loved ones aren't really even invited to because you suddenly announce that it's going to be this Friday with no time for anyone to prepare. You've excluded over half the class and use the same handful of students that you use for everything. The promotional pictures and videos on social media, the events, I even saw pictures of the same students printed in a book. And the rest of us who have worked so hard and have come so far only to be slapped in the face and basically told that you don't care. Telling us that there isn't anytime is a lie, we're just not good enough for you, right? And then you throw us a little bone with the class work, that's not even going to be as long as the level 4s with no bits to show us off. No, and I know you'll also put the same 5 in front of us while we stay in the back where we belong never to see the light? And you knew it was too obvious and bad what you were doing so you threw us this bone. How were we supposed to feel seeing the special ones posting about their special day on social media while we ourselves are excluded just like always. Do you have any idea the amount of tension and bullying this creates in the class? No. Because you only listen to the same 5 girls who tell you everything is perfect and you listen to them because they are the loudest.
I already knew it was going to be like this when I joined the course, obviously there are always popular girls and I accepted that. But please stop acting like you care when it's obvious you don't. You think you're such a prestigious course when you can't even be bothered to have someone wait outside to tell us when to go in incase you're running early for the exam? You can't even say thank you when we've finished dancing for you? No you just expect us to know exactly what to do all the time when you only tell maybe one of those girls who don't share with the rest of us. There are many other examples of this where you refuse resources for those who need them the most like refusing to have class over zoom or even refusing to send the zoom links on the day of a train strike. Ultimately favouriting the rich students who can conveniently move next to the building. You knew what my circumstances were when you gave me a that offer, did you even read my personal statement? Or did you send me that offer as a joke? Is my whole existence a vehicle to elevate their own inflated self worth. just something to laugh at?
I understand that you're probably not even reading anymore at this point. I feel as though you think you can do no wrong just because you have the rad title. I know nothing I say changes anything, but maybe next time consider how your students feel instead of treating them like objects? You preach so much about what being a good teacher is all about but you don't follow any of it. what example is this vanity project sending to us for when we prepare our own students for their shows? Would you have us treat them with the same coldness and disregard, breading all this negativity and resentment within the space? Please consider this. I am not the only one who has felt like this for a long time but I have to say something now that your cruelty has reached this level.
Do you know how many times I've been pushed aside by this same handful of treasured students who don't let me use the practise space? Because you've taught them that they are more important. Yesterday I couldn't even run my repertoire once because they sat in the middle of the stage even when they weren't practising because they've come to understand that that is their stage and it is not to be shared with the likes of me. Other times when I'm practising they will turn on their music loudly and dance right into me, stand and stare at me until I move. They act annoyed that I was there. Every time I am among them I feel like I'm doing something wrong by being there and I'm your eyes I am aren't I? Tell me the truth. Do you understand that your favouritism creates this type of behaviour? You make it so obvious that they are of upmost importance and that I mean nothing. Are you pleased with yourselves?
Immediately they made me meet with them, I can't believe I actually thought it was because they were worried or that someone cares about me. But I was so so wrong. They told me off and said how offended and hurt they were, they didn't even ask me about myself or the bullying and forced me to write an apology letter.
I know who ever is reading this thinks I'm disgusting and I suppose you're right. The world keeps telling me to ctb in little ways like this and telling me that no one cares. I don't have any parents or relatives and I live on my own so it should be easy, right? Why can't I stab myself or jump in front of a train? I know they were angry that I was still alive after writing that. They took it as a threat and hence got "offended". And it's all my fault everyone hates me and it's my fault I have no friends and my family hates me. I keep telling myself that it's everyone else not me but I know not so deep down that the miserable rat that needs to be dealt with is me. I'm not happy being stepped on all my life so the only thing I can do to atone for speaking up is to kill myself. They'll get their apology.
