Everyone is tired of me

[Idontmatter]

Sorry- it's another one of my stupid venting posts. I feel like everyone is getting tired of me. I have no happiness left. I'm to the point where I'm not motivated to even get out of bed. I have no close friends to talk to. I just want to die. I now have just under 3 weeks before I do. I'm trying to ignore the recent sn failure threads. I'm looking forward to drinking sn and going to sleep forever. I don't deserve to live and I don't matter. I had hoped to maybe have some hope so I kept delaying my ctb but I'm just getting worse. Nothing brings me happiness anymore. I'm worthless just laying in bed watching tv. Sorry for whining. I'm just ready to die. I was waiting till after Christmas so I wouldn't ruin my family's holiday. I've overstayed my welcome in this life. Sorry- this is probably a stupid rambling post. This time no one will be talking me out of suicide. It's literally the only thing im looking forward to.

 

[LilaMond]

everything you wrote is exactly how I feel and experience in my life, especially the loneliness and not having any friends aswell as the delaying of ctb for glimpses of hope. I'm sorry, I don't have anything "new" or "positive" to share with you (but maybe you don't really expect it). I just wanted to say, that -even if it doesn't mean anything- you are not alone with your thoughts. I myself feel horrible pain just this moment and am horribly afraid of tomorrow and having to act "normal" or of any other new day. I had to remind myself a hundred times today, that I can/will eventually ctb. These past few days, nothing else gave me serenity and a slight feeling of safety or control except for the possibility of ctb.

 

[SectOfValtiel]

i feel much the same
things have been getting progressively worse and
ive done a *lot* in the past few years to try to fix it, because i knew the second i first started having thoughts of suicide again that i was starting to reach a point of no return
but literally not a single thing (outside of my first real relationship, i guess, although now that contributes to the depression anyway) seemed to help
and now i feel like im out of options

im still going to therapy, still going to do it until i dont have any energy for even that, but theres no hope left in me its actually going to help
at least i can say i tried, thats my only reasoning...



trust me when i say i know what its like to feel like you dont matter- that feeling is why i have to distract myself constantly, its why i rarely get sleep lately haha and why i didnt last night
and its not whining, everyone deserves a chance to vent their pain and frustration here... even people that dont matter like us
i sincerely hope the sn works for you and that you can find some peace from it all
you deserve a break from it, that much i believe

 

[Blue_mist]

not whining at all , you are just venting with like-minded people. I'm sorry for what you are going through, life is chaotic and unfair for all of us. I wish you peace and serenity with whatever choice you make

 

[Raven2]

It's fine to vent, vent all you want. I can say I know exactly how you feel. I feel the loneliness too. My only friend blocked me and now I have no friends at all, not even online. I suppose some of us do look for hope that things may improve and that we have something to live for. I'm managing to hold on for the moment. Just wanted you to not feel alone in your thoughts. Wishing you love and light whichever path you may choose.

 

[Idontmatter]

Thanks all. I'm feeling a little better after talking with the one friend I have who I actually met on here. As of right now we are planning on ctbing together on the 7th. We both have the same issues so talking to him and venting on here helps me get through these final weeks.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

A lot of us feel exactly like you do. I have no purpose in life, no family at all, no friends. I don't matter anymore. What this world would still need with me, I have no idea. Basically, I just suck up resources that could better go to someone who actually wants to be here. I pretty much just watch TV, read and respond to posts on SS, go to the store maybe once a week, try and get some of my affairs in order when I can find enough energy, and then just eat, sleep, piss, and shit. No very much of a fulfilling life, huh? Nope, I understand how you feel, too. I know I will have to go, also, the sooner the better. Getting to the point of being comfortable where I'm leaving things is what keeps me going on a limited scale. We all need to get to some peace in our lives. I hope you can find yours in whatever way you need to get there.

 

[Idontmatter]

A lot of us feel exactly like you do. I have no purpose in life, no family at all, no friends. I don't matter anymore. What this world would still need with me, I have no idea. Basically, I just suck up resources that could better go to someone who actually wants to be here. I pretty much just watch TV, read and respond to posts on SS, go to the store maybe once a week, try and get some of my affairs in order when I can find enough energy, and then just eat, sleep, piss, and shit. No very much of a fulfilling life, huh? Nope, I understand how you feel, too. I know I will have to go, also, the sooner the better. Getting to the point of being comfortable where I'm leaving things is what keeps me going on a limited scale. We all need to get to some peace in our lives. I hope you can find yours in whatever way you need to get there.

I'm just counting the days until the 7th. The thought of drinking sn and going to sleep forever is so nice. I'm not letting the negative posts on sn get to me.

 

[theboy]

Hugs

 

[FuneralCry]

Your feelings of wishing to be free from this world are perfectly understandable, existing can certainly be so torturous and tiring, and it also sounds so wonderful to me the thought of falling asleep forever and never having to endure another day of this existence, I so envy those who are already gone. I hope that you find what you wish for.

 

[Idontmatter]

One thing though I'm wondering with sn is how should I lay down after drinking it. Can I lay on my side, or do I need to be on an incline. Should I stand up for a minute after I drink it so the liquid goes down.