Ever get in a place where all thoughts become suicide?

[OkayFine]

Like a lot of people, my mind is often following some train of thought. Sometimes for a while every train leads to feeling like suicide is the only conclusion. Not only every little struggle and discomfort, but even neutral things. Like, I saw some art in a waiting room and thought, "That's interesting for corporate art." I wondered who picked it out and if anyone else ever noticed it. Then I thought, "Probably not, and it doesn't really matter anyway. They shouldn't have bothered putting it there. I shouldn't bother thinking about it. I should probably just kill myself."
Anyone else experience this sort of "suicide gravity well"?

 

[omenalready]

Hello, i have the same... sorry if my answer doesn't help or doesn't bring you clarity but to me, when my psychiatrist ask me " do you have suicidal thoughts" i always answer : to me suicide is more like an frequency or a background noise that is persistent. Sometimes it becomes urgent and i hear it more, like i have the urge to kill myself. As soon as a car pass, or as soon as i cross a bridge, i'm thinking i should jump. And some other times the frequency is lower ; it means that i contemplate life more peacefully and i remind myself that no matter what happens i will die... hopefully sooner than later because the many attempts that i did have injured my heart and brain chemistry. So yeah, this frequency is more quiet... it even brings me some kind of confort... i believe i might die naturally from an heart attack or breathing deficiency in maximum 4 or 6 years. And in the meantime, i'm trying to ctb but browsing through this forum has give me even less hope that i could do it because the methods sounds either torturing or completely unrealistic to me. Like where the heck do we find N or SN ? It sounds like a lottery to me, and i don't see why i should win at that lotery if i'm a looser in everything else that is life related

 

[OkayFine]

Hello, i have the same... sorry if my answer doesn't help or doesn't bring you clarity but to me, when my psychiatrist ask me " do you have suicidal thoughts" i always answer : to me suicide is more like an frequency or a background noise that is persistent. Sometimes it becomes urgent and i hear it more, like i have the urge to kill myself. As soon as a car pass, or as soon as i cross a bridge, i'm thinking i should jump. And some other times the frequency is lower ; it means that i contemplate life more peacefully and i remind myself that no matter what happens i will die... hopefully sooner than later because the many attempts that i did have injured my heart and brain chemistry. So yeah, this frequency is more quiet... it even brings me some kind of confort... i believe i might die naturally from an heart attack or breathing deficiency in maximum 4 or 6 years. And in the meantime, i'm trying to ctb but browsing through this forum has give me even less hope that i could do it because the methods sounds either torturing or completely unrealistic to me. Like where the heck do we find S or SN ? It sounds like a lottery to me, and i don't see why i should win at ctb if i'm a looser in everything else that is life related

Yes, like background noise! It's like when you're in a store and there's radio or elevator music playing, but for me it's suicidal ideation. Like you said, sometimes it feels really urgent, but a lot of the time it's just there. Like someone following me around occasionally whispering, "You should just end it probably."

 

[_Gollum_]

when my psychiatrist ask me " do you have suicidal thoughts"

They had the gall to ask me this everyday I was in the psych ward lmao. Yes, I have suicidal thoughts. I never not have suicidal thoughts. Circumstances change, new experiences play out then fade, people come and go, but my suicidal thoughts never stop.