Discussion Even tho you are suicidal does the thought of your mother losing you even made you rethink your decision?

[trd0890]

It's kinda hard to think about that when my parent neglects me through my entire life..

 

[Trezzohno]

am just a tool for my mother

 

[Noctis]

Nah, fuck that bitch; she's part of the reason I'm so fucked up.

If my death would actually hurt my parents, that would just motivate me to wrap my lips around a shotgun and go for the most accurate Kurt Cobain cosplay. But it won't. They'll probably love having me dead because then they can play the victim and milk the sympathy for the rest of their lives.

 

[betternever2havbeen]

It wouldn't make me rethink my decision. I'm so useless and depressed I can't be a good person anymore. I'm always on at her about how I wish I was never born wish I could die hate life. I'm very negative (always have been really) and she knows I've never been happy-she did everything for me and I had an amazing family but I've always hated being me and that's one thing you can never change. I've been telling her for years not everyone can function or do life so she knows and whilst she will be very shocked, it's not like it's out of the blue.

She is incredibly resilient and loves life (I'm not sure why but I'm the complete opposite) and has loads of friends who will support her. I know she will be ok. The large part of me that resents her for giving birth to me also thinks "you might have forced life on me but you can't stop me from leaving whenever I want". I think giving life to someone is a horrible selfish thing to do.

 

[dragontale14]

My mom doesn't give a fucking shit about me and she's made that clear, if anything it'd made me more likely to do it just to show her what she's done.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I've already lost my mother- she's dead but I am holding on for my Dad.

 

[Pidgeons_Sparrows]

Not in the slightest, why would i force myself to stay alive for others?

 

[love_peep]

To be honest, I'm single and I don't have parents because they sent me to an orphanage when I was 9, so it didn't bother me in any way. The only thing that stopped me was my younger brother, but after he said that he didn't give a shit about me. I decided that he does not stop me now

 

[palesky]

Honestly, no. I feel bad for not caring enough to survive for my family; its just another reason i shouldn't be alive.

My mindset is i cant feel bad for what i do/did if i cant feel anything when im dead

 

[QueerMelancholy]

My mother has been dead for 15 years now. It's strange to think about.

 

[TheDog_]

I don't give a fuck

 

[peelingbananas]

Even tho you are suicidal does the thought of your mother losing you even made you rethink your decision?

yes. although we tend to argue or have disagreements i love my mama

 

[duwangJEff]

For me, not really.

To be fair, I'm still just in the ideation phase. I'm not properly suicidal yet. But, if I get to the point where I can't stand it anymore and I want to end it, nobody is going to hold me back. Although my death would cause pain for the people in my life, there's nothing they can do to alleviate my pain, ans I'm not going to justify living a miserable existence just because the other people here want me to stay.

 

[hevlalab]

At first the thought of my family losing me to suicide absolutely destroyed me. I was crying the whole night just thinking about it and how guilty I would feel destroying our family. This was months ago. Now I don't care as much which makes me hate myself that little bit more. I'm truly just sick of life, still reminiscing on past mistakes that I made in which ultimately lead to the downfall of my future and to me just having enough. I always think about how life could have been so good, I had finally got myself to a point where everything was going well for me but then i fucked up big time. I don't blame anybody else but myself. Pains me how suicide is my way out of this mess despite my mum saying that its never the solution and my dad telling me that I'm too young to die but I guess that's what mental illness does to you. Traps you into a black hole of misery with little hope for the future.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Leaving behind this painfully mediocre and continually disappointing life is more than enough of a reason for me to overlook that. My goal here was not to hurt anyone, mother or siblings included but to get the hell outta here.

 

[far away]

hell no.

she's the one to blame that I'm like this.

 

[DazaiKinnie]

No, like f no. I am not the person to live for others. I just can't. Once I have a method like nembutal I will take it.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

No, it doesn't change my decision and that CTB is probably inevitable but it holds me back for now. Should my circumstances decline further or an unforeseen event make my life worse I may do CTB regardless of any losses.

 

[porcupinetree]

Even tho you are suicidal does the thought of your mother losing you even made you rethink your decision?

Absolutely. With my brother being so reckless/untrustworthy to say the least, I'm the only one she has faith in now. I would hate for her to lose her only "good kid".

 

[backtoearth]

In short, no, my relationship with my mother is extremely complicated (to say the least) but she has been battling cancer for 8 years now, and has become a shell of who she was - barely any memory, mobility, and has been on every available NHS cancer treatments. Our relationship has completely deteriorated because she will never be able to apologise or even explain why she was so angry and neglectful when we were kids- if she even remembers doing it - but my dad loves her for some reason (and I have forgiven him) so I am nice and supportive towards her still.

I want to live longer than her out of sheer pettiness and bitterness

 

[Tokugawa_Yoshinobu]

Kind of and kind of not. My mother was the only person who ever loved him. I grew up without a father and the rest of my family is either very distant or against my mother which I also see as an attack on myself because I support her. She is one of the reasons why I've stayed alive so far. If not for her I'd already ctb.

I can't kill myself currently because I still live with her. I'm broke and can't move out. Once I get desperate enough again and can live on my own, I intend on ctb but that will take 3 - 5 years I imagine. So yeah I love her but I still hate my life enough to want to ctb and her loosing me and being sad about it wouldn't change that.

 

[turntechGodhead]

nope ik it sounds shitty but neither of my parents were around so we don't rlly hv a strong bond or a connection at all so no it doesn't make me rethink my decision

 

[Red]

nope ik it sounds shitty but neither of my parents were around so we don't rlly hv a strong bond or a connection at all so no it doesn't make me rethink my decision

Sucks I'm sorry dude
Same position here. Neither parent any good. Maybe if it were different outlook might not be so bleak but we get the cards we're dealt.
My hand is shite, save for a couple of cards (gotta count blessings when we can) but m pretty much ready to fold lol

 

[kindalone]

Nah. My mother can suffer. She chose to suffer years ago and dragged me down with her.

 

[bpdmf]

Even tho you are suicidal does the thought of your mother losing you even made you rethink your decision?

being that she pushes me to do it, absolutely not. it motivates me to do it more. i know she would be a little bit sad but deep down i truly think she would be happy if i went through with it

 

[maidens]

definitely. I can tell it would absolutely destroy her, but given my situation and mental health I don't think I can go much longer. I'm sorry mom

 

[Pidgeons_Sparrows]

couldnt be further from the truth

 

[JustBreathing]

Yeah she is the biggest reason I'm still here. She isn't doing great mental health wise and I don't think she could deal with it. I'm so sorry for the suffering I will put her through. She is the person that cares the most about me. But I don't think I can do this much longer.

 

[lemonbunny]

they'd be sad, i imagine, but in the long run they'd be better off. my mom has stated that she's only holding off on divorce because of me. if i was gone, that wouldn't be an issue. they'd have a lot more money without having to support me all the time. i realistically think that their quality of life would be improved once they got over the grief. which i know they would, because my dad is the type who makes the most out of every situation.

 

[waRmblanket]

very much so. i feel guilty that i want to die, but i can't help it. i feel guilty that i'll ctb, but i can't stay. i know my whole family will be destroyed by it, but i'm in so much pain.