Discussion Even tho you are suicidal does the thought of your mother losing you even made you rethink your decision?

[singsreignrebuilder]

Not at all. They brought me into this life, they should be aware of what that might entail given the state of the world.

 

[Insomniac]

Define mother

 

[Shu]

Yeah of course. My mother may have made mistakes in the past but so have I and nobody is perfect. I'm worried about how it's going to affect her the most.

 

[anthos pal]

I am more worried about dad... not sure how my parents will take it. :(

 

[inabsentia]

Like others in this thread my mother is already dead… died when I was 5. And she was from what I can see the only parent that genuinely wanted and loved me

It's more comforting to think I'd be joining her.

 

[ybotherr]

Only thing keeping me here, tbh

 

[xo777]

Nope

 

[tieiwi]

No, she made me suicidal lol

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

My mother will make my suicide all about her, so she really keeps me around since I don't want to add that to her collection of oh-poor-me stories.

 

[ClownMe]

Well, in my case, no, because my mother is a terrible person.

 

[lili]

My mother would not care if I died unfortunately. I almost died one time a few years ago and was in a five day coma. Instead of calling to check in with the doctors, she spread rumors to my family saying I was going to hell because I killed myself and it was a sin.

Suicide is a mortal sin in the Catholic religion.

We were not on speaking terms before I did that attempt.

My mother isn't a consideration in my decision at all.

 

[StrangePossum]

My mother has said multiple times that she wouldn't care if I died. So, not really. I sometimes fantasize about doing a revenge ctb and leaving a note with all the nasty things I want to say to her...But in reality I don't think I would do that. I don't want my death to hurt people more than necessary. I do worry about how it would affect my father and the rest of my family...I know that that kind of thing is very hard to get over. I wish I could somehow disappear from their lives without hurting them.

 

[gogoprince]

I don't love saying this, but I actually don't really like my mother all that much as a person. I wouldn't wish any tragedy on her, but I don't think until now - after years of being suicidal - have I ever thought of how it would hurt her specifically. My relationship with her feels like an obligation I perform out of pity,: like hanging out with someone you don't really like because you know no one else likes them.

That said, I really am square with hurting everyone in my life by my suicide except my girlfriend really. She's literally the most pure individual I've ever met lmao. I think I just don't acknowledge enough how much my friends really do care about me, and love me cause, if I did, I wouldn't be able to stand the thought of hurting them. But I can't really ignore it with her because she loves me so much and tells/shows me how much everyday.

At the end of the day it's my choice whether I want to keep on living, but it doesn't feel so cut and dry sometimes.

 

[MelancholyMagic]

The thought of one's mother is the final chain to this miserable world.

 

[TakeMeBack07]

Couldn't care less. I'm broken and defect. I don't feel a genuine bond to anyone anymore

 

[Z-bar]

Even tho you are suicidal does the thought of your mother losing you even made you rethink your decision?

It absolutely has.
My mom had me when she was 16. Her parents said you want to be grown get out the house. She worked her ass off to provide for me and my little sister. I was there from the beginning when we lived in the not so good areas with a POS car that was like $200.
She never gave up. Went back to school in her 30s to become an RN.
I feel I would rather contain my own misery then to be done with it but spread misery to everybody else.
I'm still fighting each day. Even getting out of bed is a task that feels undoable with severe depression. The only time I'm happy is when I'm manic.
Anyway, yeah that's me

 

[NotSureToEndure]

My mum killed herself when I was pretty young so.. not really. In a way it makes me think about my own suicidal thoughts a lot. I feel bad as I know how it can make other people feel when you go. Not trying to guilt trip anyone by the way, I believe it's a personal choice for sure, and I flick between being suicidal and trying to make the best out of my life. It's just pretty shit when someone you love disappears on you and I think it's something worth considering.

I don't really begrudge her for doing it, I know she wasn't in a good place mentally. I just wish I had been older and better equipped to see it coming. Maybe it wouldn't have helped but who knows eh.

 

[Insomniac]

My mum killed herself when I was pretty young so.. not really. In a way it makes me think about my own suicidal thoughts a lot. I feel bad as I know how it can make other people feel when you go. Not trying to guilt trip anyone by the way, I believe it's a personal choice for sure, and I flick between being suicidal and trying to make the best out of my life. It's just pretty shit when someone you love disappears on you and I think it's something worth considering.

I don't really begrudge her for doing it, I know she wasn't in a good place mentally. I just wish I had been older and better equipped to see it coming. Maybe it wouldn't have helped but who knows eh.

How do you know that she killed herself? did an adult in your life just decided to tell you that?

 

[NotSureToEndure]

How do you know that she killed herself? did an adult in your life just decided to tell you that?

I was old enough to be aware. The police came to my house, she died while we were sleeping. I knew she had been sad before this, but I never saw that coming.

 

[wanttogetonthebus]

Even tho you are suicidal does the thought of your mother losing you even made you rethink your decision?

Yes. It's painful to imagine hurting my parents, but I understand that there may come a time where I have to put myself first and it becomes a necessary evil. Outside of my own suffering, I absolutely loathe the thought of hurting people or of other people having to suffer.

 

[houseofleaves]

There is literally nothing my mother or anyone else could realistically do that would actually get me to reconsider committing suicide later this year.

The fact that I don't care anymore about breaking her heart and potentially driving her into a life of bereavement and grief just goes to show how severely far gone I've become in terms of how evil I am.

i relate to this so much

 

[jawdropped123]

Define mother

Your birthgiver

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Yup, she was the last family member I had and just passed away a little over a year ago. She lived in her own home alone, but had some outside help coming in, and she had me to go to the grocery store, fix things, etc. She had actually been home-bound for the past 15 years or so. And since my mother and my bitch of a sister had been estranged for over the past 25 years, I knew my mom needed my help and I was all she had, as her sister had died, as well as her friends, She was almost as alone as I am now. She had me, for whatever that's worth. I have no one. I've been thinking about CTB better than the past 20 years, but kept puttering along as best I could knowing that my mom needed help. And she was such a great mom, that she deserved much better than what I was able to offer. So, selfishly ending my pain, although I wanted to, was not something I was willing, or able, to do to my mom, and I knew she would be devastated , also.

 

[szinigami]

More dad. My mom persuaded me to the covid vaccine that left me with a rare neuro condition, that turned my life into hell.

 

[Deathinminutes]

I know my mother will be devastated. That's about the extent of thought I can put into it. I just don't have emotions about it so I don't dwell on it. I want to leave her a letter because she's a great mom and deserves one but I don't have a clue what to even say. Like… sorry? You did your best? It's not your fault? Seems so impersonal. But better than nothing. I just have no emotion and so cannot write emotionally.

Im writing letters to my mom but I'm also making her a lot of videos on my phone. Not seeing and hearing someone after they die is part of the huge deficit. Even if they're 30 sec long it'll be something for her. Just an idea

 

[Pain In The Ass]

I'm getting beyond caring - I've told them how they can help minimize the likelihood of this happening, but they won't take it seriously, so fuck it.

 

[life_goes_on]

My mom, my girlfriend and my brother. My father died of Corona last year and my most would be devastated if I left her.

 

[Klo]

Even tho you are suicidal does the thought of your mother losing you even made you rethink your decision?

It did for years because my brother committing suicide really hurt her, but when I think about it she should have never had kids and I haven't talked to her (her choice) in a few years. Living for her makes no sense to me. Maybe it is different if you having a loving relationship with your mother.

 

[VoidDesirer22]

My mother? Yes for sure it has been an emotional obstacle. Not my father though, I'd shoot myself Infront of him.

But the other option is for me to watch as she decays and dies? And that's apparently the natural course of events lol. Umm yeah not gonna happen. I'm not suffering 365 x 20+ more days so she can have her normal storied life.

As @singsreignrebuilder said in this thread, there has to be some awareness of what can go wrong when having kids in this world. My suicide is one of the very merciful options. I could have been a destructive drug addict, a serial killer, been raped and a shell of a person, among an infinite possibilities of disastrous outcomes.
And a life cut "short" is not a huge concern for me.

 

[littleshopofhorrors]

While I know that she'll care that I'm gone, it's very clear to me that I'm her least favorite child, so not really. I think she has so many people to lean on that my death would just be more inconvenient than heartbreaking/devastating if that makes sense.