Enslaved ™️

[Sleeper System]

I know that we should be grateful that we don't have to hunt for our own food and can exchange our time for being able to pay for food and shelter but I feel like employment is the new slavery. You'd like to believe you have a choice and in some ways you do but really the hassle of going through the process finding work is exhausting and constructed in such a way that it deters people from leaving mentally stressful places and just tolerating it purely that the alternative is worse.
Bad life choices man. No guidance and poverty. The things that shape a miserable existence. I want this to internal suffering to be over. Makes my chest hurt just thinking about it.

Imagine not having the will to live but forcing yourself to crawl out of bed every day because you have to do this thing you hate just to enjoy a few hours of the things you really enjoy. If this is what being an adult is then I regret ever wanting such an immense burden. The curse of ignorance. Should have let that river drag me to the edge and let it drown me when I was a kid.

And you gotta interact with people with your fake face. Smiling so forced that it tears you apart on the inside. Makes you almost murderous. Like you just want to lash out and show your true anger and rage. But you dont do that. You turn around and walk away and continue this death march to nothingness.

I see now why people have mid life crisis. You just get so tired of dealing with the world and all its bullshit.

I yearn for that feeling of freedom when saying " I quit. " and knowing that you don't have to deal with the situation again. At least not for awhile. and you can just finally relax and take a breath.

I don't want tomorrow to come.

 

[itsgone2]

I don't want tomorrow to come.

Neither do I. Everything you say is true. Modern society actually sucks. I wish i wouldn't make it to morning.

 

[Michelstaedter]

Sometimes what bothered me the most was when they made that comparison about how one has a whole body, no shortcomings, health problems, financial issues, or the like. Deep down, I felt guilty. I felt miserable for having that feeling that things don't feel right, that there's no happiness in what one does, and that it's not just temporary, but in my case, it's been like that since adolescence. Perhaps, ironically, in adolescence, I was happy because what hurt me was merely superficial, like not having friends, not having a girlfriend, not being attractive or interesting, not having anything to talk about... But now I realize that at that time, ignorant, I was happier than I am now.

I could work, have a wife or children, at least strive for them and try to achieve them, but the bottom line would be the same: the facade would be pretending to be normal, but knowing that in reality, I'm not, and that I'm not happy with my life or life in general.