emptiness and loneliness

[SadGirl]

How far can depression get when, in the only place where you had people to help you without judgment, it's as lonely as anywhere else. I used to be much more active on the forum, always venting about many aspects of my life when I was going through different situations. I've always had and still have support here, but I feel like it was better before. I really don't know exactly what I mean; I'm just depressed at the moment and probably having a depressive episode. Sorry, everyone, I'm going through a lot in my life, but CTB isn't the solution, at least not right now. I lost my father almost a year ago, my mother constantly fights with me, and I can't stand my girlfriend anymore because she also fights a lot with me over money, just like my mother. I really don't know what to do. I have to go back to work now, I don't want to, I'm not well yet. I need more time, but life doesn't allow for time. This is just my venting.

 

[whywere]

I wrap my arms around you, as I KNOW all the dark aspects of massive depression, have had it all my life.

BUT you are family here and part of a loving and caring place (SaSu) and we ALL are TOGETHER in this, and we can help each other with these dark and unforgiving feelings and thoughts.

My heart breaks for you upon losing your dad and having to argue with your mom, BUT I really need you to know that you are NOT EVER ALONE, and that distance has nothing to do with caring, as I am in the Midwest of the U.S., BUT we are ALL family here always.

Hugs, hugs, hugs and love to and for you, as you are always such a wonderful spirit!

Walter

 

[Dejected 55]

One of the hardest things is finding time to not think about all the things you have to think about all the time. I find myself constantly in a state of stress and half of all the things being very far behind and I can't take a pause to catch my breath or form a thought or plan to try and catch up, and catching up is so daunting anyway knowing you have to work three times as hard just to not fall farther behind. I can't remember the last time I actually relaxed and cleared my brain. Maybe I never have relaxed. I don't know.

 

[SadGirl]

One of the hardest things is finding time to not think about all the things you have to think about all the time. I find myself constantly in a state of stress and half of all the things being very far behind and I can't take a pause to catch my breath or form a thought or plan to try and catch up, and catching up is so daunting anyway knowing you have to work three times as hard just to not fall farther behind. I can't remember the last time I actually relaxed and cleared my brain. Maybe I never have relaxed. I don't know.

I go through this too. I turn to drugs, but I know they don't work, but they usually provide relief sometimes. It's complicated; I'm under a lot of stress with my mother and my girlfriend, who I think I'm going to break up with. She seems to prioritize her "new" friends over me (my girlfriend) and another friend. She fights with me over money, but never asks me how I'm really doing, how I really feel. It's a good reason to end a relationship.

 

[bankai]

How far can depression get when, in the only place where you had people to help you without judgment, it's as lonely as anywhere else. I used to be much more active on the forum, always venting about many aspects of my life when I was going through different situations. I've always had and still have support here, but I feel like it was better before. I really don't know exactly what I mean; I'm just depressed at the moment and probably having a depressive episode. Sorry, everyone, I'm going through a lot in my life, but CTB isn't the solution, at least not right now. I lost my father almost a year ago, my mother constantly fights with me, and I can't stand my girlfriend anymore because she also fights a lot with me over money, just like my mother. I really don't know what to do. I have to go back to work now, I don't want to, I'm not well yet. I need more time, but life doesn't allow for time. This is just my venting.

Have you recovered from the loss of your father? A year isn't that long and if you have to deal with other stuff on the side then it becomes very difficult to heal and resolve this kind of trauma.

 

[SadGirl]

Have you recovered from the loss of your father? A year isn't that long and if you have to deal with other stuff on the side then it becomes very difficult to heal and resolve this kind of trauma.

I still don't feel recovered; I still feel like I'm in mourning. And I get things like, "You're lazy, you don't want to work, you're just being a wimp, don't fake depression at your next job," from both my mom and my girlfriend. But they never remember that I have severe depression, generalized anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, and ADHD. They just judge and point fingers. I'm honestly tired of explaining myself; I'm just going to live my life and fuck everyone else.

 

[bankai]

I still don't feel recovered; I still feel like I'm in mourning. And I get things like, "You're lazy, you don't want to work, you're just being a wimp, don't fake depression at your next job," from both my mom and my girlfriend. But they never remember that I have severe depression, generalized anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, and ADHD. They just judge and point fingers. I'm honestly tired of explaining myself; I'm just going to live my life and fuck everyone else.

I am thankful I am single. My dad died 2 1/2 years ago. Took me some time to recover, luckily I didn't have anyone hampering me. If your partner's supportive, it's much easier to deal with. But if they're combative then it gets way harder

 

[SadGirl]

I am thankful I am single. My dad died 2 1/2 years ago. Took me some time to recover, luckily I didn't have anyone hampering me. If your partner's supportive, it's much easier to deal with. But if they're combative then it gets way harder

My girlfriend is quite argumentative; she has Borderline. But anyway, that's just her way. But I think I'll break up this weekend. I honestly can't stand her cheating on me and leaving me aside to hang out with her friends. I've really put up with this a lot, and I've gone too far. I need to make a decision.

 

[Dejected 55]

I go through this too. I turn to drugs, but I know they don't work, but they usually provide relief sometimes. It's complicated; I'm under a lot of stress with my mother and my girlfriend, who I think I'm going to break up with. She seems to prioritize her "new" friends over me (my girlfriend) and another friend. She fights with me over money, but never asks me how I'm really doing, how I really feel. It's a good reason to end a relationship.

My girlfriend is quite argumentative; she has Borderline. But anyway, that's just her way. But I think I'll break up this weekend. I honestly can't stand her cheating on me and leaving me aside to hang out with her friends. I've really put up with this a lot, and I've gone too far. I need to make a decision.

I have never been in a relationship and I hate being alone... but I have always said that I would rather the pain I have being alone than the pain of being in a bad relationship and still feeling alone anyway. I couldn't accept cheating either. I'm not saying a breakup would be easy, especially not for me having never been in a relationship, but I would have to cut ties, no second chance for an affair or cheating. I could never trust her after that happened, so it wouldn't matter how I felt for her still, the relationship would be unrepairable.