I don't have that much time today. I am pretty exhausted. I tormented me over this anecdote. But actually I realized I should not give a fuck.
I have more embarrassing stories but I don't dare to share them...
Some years ago at my university. For people who know my threads college almost drove me to commit suicide and I had to abuse benzos to cope. And my support system cheered me on no matter how bad I felt. And someone in my support network encouraged me to do the following. There was a lecture at my university. And I contacted the lecturer whether it was possible to stream the lecture because my disability I struggled to come to the lecture regularly. I had extreme anxiety. I never explicitly explained what my disability was... My goal was just that they also stream the lecture. But eventually the lecture was given exclusively online. It is unknown why exactly. I read they had issues to find a room. But maybe they wanted/needed a room where it also could be streamed. Because they promised me that I will able to join no matter what. Though I never joined the lecture because I almost ctb to that time. And it affected so many students and most of them really hated online. I never contacted the lecturers again and I am not sure what they thought of me. I had a really guilty conscience due to this situation. But other people pressured me to do this. And I am not completely sure my suggestion was the reason the lecture was given online. But I think if other students knew this anecdote they would fucking hate me. (And affirmative action and I would sort of get why...)
I have more embarrassing stories but I don't dare to share them...
Some years ago at my university. For people who know my threads college almost drove me to commit suicide and I had to abuse benzos to cope. And my support system cheered me on no matter how bad I felt. And someone in my support network encouraged me to do the following. There was a lecture at my university. And I contacted the lecturer whether it was possible to stream the lecture because my disability I struggled to come to the lecture regularly. I had extreme anxiety. I never explicitly explained what my disability was... My goal was just that they also stream the lecture. But eventually the lecture was given exclusively online. It is unknown why exactly. I read they had issues to find a room. But maybe they wanted/needed a room where it also could be streamed. Because they promised me that I will able to join no matter what. Though I never joined the lecture because I almost ctb to that time. And it affected so many students and most of them really hated online. I never contacted the lecturers again and I am not sure what they thought of me. I had a really guilty conscience due to this situation. But other people pressured me to do this. And I am not completely sure my suggestion was the reason the lecture was given online. But I think if other students knew this anecdote they would fucking hate me. (And affirmative action and I would sort of get why...)
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