Venting Effects of suicide on parents

[SighCry]

My parents are really the only thing keeping me alive right now. Not my friends, not my half-sister, not my partner - just my parents. They are in their mid 70s so I remind myself that if I die they may only have 10-15 years without me, but it's hard. I'm technically an only child and the other day mum said she was talking to a friend about the fact she only has one child, and she said to that friend "But if you were only going to have one, she is the one you would want to have". I cried when she said that cause I know they will never be okay without me and they would never forgive themselves, but I just don't know how I'm going to survive the next 2-3 months like I really do not know. Thanks for reading.

 

[cipher the first]

I mean you seem like u have supportive parents (but im not sure cuz i obv dont know you) so have u thought as a last resort to tell them what you are going through? if not why not? do you think their reaction to the news would be worse than the reaction of finding out you died?

 

[devils~advocate]

I understand, I have the same situation.
I have a spouse, but my family is the only reason that is keeping me alive. They are elderly as well.
They love me and care for me more than I have gotten from someone else.
All I have received from others is betrayal, infidelity, emotional abuse, etc
I think about what my action will do to them....I feel grief for my family everyday.

They have an idea of what I am going through with my spouse etc.
I think they feel that everyone goes through things like this.
I can't go into detail with them about specifics. There is no other solution other than what I must do.

 

[slapntickle]

I'm in a similar situation, although it sounds like the OPs parents are more supportive and loving than mine are.

Although it might not be popular, I would say that if there's any way you can hang on for them to die, try and do it. Being a father myself, the thought of my child doing anything to themselves is indescribably painful. Like seriously, I cannot begin to articulate the level of pain that I would feel if that were to ever happen (in my case very unlikely as I'll be gone before they get old enough to even consider something like that). If it's just 10 years more, you have plenty of time to CBT after that if you still want to. Try and talk to them about what you're going through. Based on your mum's comment, it sounds like she might understand, offer help etc. Maybe make a 10 year plan and if it doesn't work, you can always CBT after they're gone.

My parents are already in mid-late 70s and so are staring death somewhat squarely in the face, even if it won't be tomorrow or next year. If I do have to CBT before they die, I'll at least know they won't have long to go, although that is a sad existence living out your last years on earth with a dead child. The only thing that one can really do is reassue them in a note or message that they're not to blame, and that the outcome was inevitable.

 

[SighCry]

I mean you seem like u have supportive parents (but im not sure cuz i obv dont know you) so have u thought as a last resort to tell them what you are going through? if not why not? do you think their reaction to the news would be worse than the reaction of finding out you died?

Thank you for reading. They are supportive. They knew I was suicidal a few months ago but think I'm okay at the moment. I can't go into detail but I will need an out likely within the next 2-3 months, there isn't really a way around it.

 

[cipher the first]

Thank you for reading. They are supportive. They knew I was suicidal a few months ago but think I'm okay at the moment. I can't go into detail but I will need an out likely within the next 2-3 months, there isn't really a way around it.

well then ig so. believe me ik what u mean when u say there is no way around it, i for one self sabotaged my life to the point of no return so i dont have any other option but to ctb. good ;uck to both of us

 

[devils~advocate]

I too have empathy.
Understand the emotional pain of thinking about all this.
My parents are elderly as well and have seen many of their siblings, relatives, etc pass away.
Its not the same in regards to a child, but I feel that I have no choice as well.
My friend whom I would confide what was going on in my life, passed away this past January, unexpectedly.
I already had my plan years before this, but it only added to my resolve to do this.

Ive let things and decisions in my life happen......nothing got better and it all festered to the point I can't take it anymore.
Even if I could get away, the way the world works, I could never leave it entirely. I would have to pay to live.
And I can't do that, I have more dignity for myself and my families honor to do that.

 

[Jadeith]

Being a father myself, the thought of my child doing anything to themselves is indescribably painful. Like seriously, I cannot begin to articulate the level of pain that I would feel if that were to ever happen

This. My parents do not deserve to bury their own child. That's one of 2 main reasons i'm still here. They are sweet people and do not deserve to suffer because of me and my decisions.

 

[SighCry]

I understand, I have the same situation.
I have a spouse, but my family is the only reason that is keeping me alive. They are elderly as well.
They love me and care for me more than I have gotten from someone else.
All I have received from others is betrayal, infidelity, emotional abuse, etc
I think about what my action will do to them....I feel grief for my family everyday.

They have an idea of what I am going through with my spouse etc.
I think they feel that everyone goes through things like this.
I can't go into detail with them about specifics. There is no other solution other than what I must do.

Yeah, we're one of the lucky ones, not everyone gets parents that care so deeply. They really did their best. I'm not sure what you're going through but can you get any support with the spouse situation, is there really no other option?

 

[devils~advocate]

Yeah, we're one of the lucky ones, not everyone gets parents that care so deeply. They really did their best. I'm not sure what you're going through but can you get any support with the spouse situation, is there really no other option?

My spouse is one of the main reasons that I am doing this.
I have been thru so much with them over 20 years......their infidelity, lies, irresponsibility, disrespect for my family, etc
We dont have children together, if we did, I would stick around.
Its a long story and I dont want to hijack anothers thread
But involves my spouse doing horrible things, them refusing contact with my family, etc.
I should have left a long time ago, but I didnt know what to do at the time. I was frozen emotionally at the time....and for years afterwards.
Making no decision is still a decision.....Ive had to live with it and its affected my family as well.
They deserved a child that wouldnt put them thru all this.

 

[SighCry]

I'm in a similar situation, although it sounds like the OPs parents are more supportive and loving than mine are.

Although it might not be popular, I would say that if there's any way you can hang on for them to die, try and do it. Being a father myself, the thought of my child doing anything to themselves is indescribably painful. Like seriously, I cannot begin to articulate the level of pain that I would feel if that were to ever happen (in my case very unlikely as I'll be gone before they get old enough to even consider something like that). If it's just 10 years more, you have plenty of time to CBT after that if you still want to. Try and talk to them about what you're going through. Based on your mum's comment, it sounds like she might understand, offer help etc. Maybe make a 10 year plan and if it doesn't work, you can always CBT after they're gone.

My parents are already in mid-late 70s and so are staring death somewhat squarely in the face, even if it won't be tomorrow or next year. If I do have to CBT before they die, I'll at least know they won't have long to go, although that is a sad existence living out your last years on earth with a dead child. The only thing that one can really do is reassue them in a note or message that they're not to blame, and that the outcome was inevitable.

Thanks for reading and responding. I can only imagine how heartbreaking it would be for a parent, like I can imagine their whole world permanently shattering. Your message made me momentarily rethink but I've really fucked up my life though, it's not something I can really wait to see how it goes - soon my reality will be unbearable. My mum would understand and want to help but I don't know, I'm in therapy, have a psychiatrist, etc. It just feels that there's not much left to do. I really hope you get through what you're going through and I wish you the best.

 

[nightmare-receiver]

I think about this a lot, so you're not alone. My mom is one of the only things keeping me going sometimes. I love the rest of my family dearly, but they don't treat her the way they should. She struggles in a lot of the same ways I do, and she's expressed that she feels bad for "passing it on." (Not her fault, wish I could get that through to her.) I know she'd blame herself, and she's already had such a hard life. She also has an autoimmune disease, and I know nobody else in my family is going to support her the way I do. I don't want her to have to bury one of her children, so I'm trying as hard as I can to stick around. Not sure how successful I'll be, but I guess we'll see.

 

[SighCry]

I think about this a lot, so you're not alone. My mom is one of the only things keeping me going sometimes. I love the rest of my family dearly, but they don't treat her the way they should. She struggles in a lot of the same ways I do, and she's expressed that she feels bad for "passing it on." (Not her fault, wish I could get that through to her.) I know she'd blame herself, and she's already had such a hard life. She also has an autoimmune disease, and I know nobody else in my family is going to support her the way I do. I don't want her to have to bury one of her children, so I'm trying as hard as I can to stick around. Not sure how successful I'll be, but I guess we'll see.

Feel you, if it wasn't for them I would have been loooong gone. I hope you do stick around. I know how hard it is though.

 

[iwkmsssb]

my mom is also one of the main reasons i've stayed for so long, i can't imagine how much pain my death with give her. i'm holding onto whatever last will i have left to live. i hope you'll find peace in whatever path you decide.

 

[SighCry]

my mom is also one of the main reasons i've stayed for so long, i can't imagine how much pain my death with give her. i'm holding onto whatever last will i have left to live. i hope you'll find peace in whatever path you decide.

Thank you and wishing the same to you.

 

[Scaredycat]

I don't know if I'm an asshole for saying this but im beyond "thinking about my parents". I actually want to ctb quietly rather than burdening them, and even if they dont want me to, part of my existence is their fault. my depression is hereditary actually.

 

[diazepam23]

I don't know if I'm an asshole for saying this but im beyond "thinking about my parents". I actually want to ctb quietly rather than burdening them, and even if they dont want me to, part of my existence is their fault. my depression is hereditary actually.

I agree. No one ever asked to be born so why should I remain just because they chose to have me? I remember reading a statistic that said half of all pregnancies are unplanned. I don't see why people have no problem with birth (even encourage it in many instances) when it's very easy to prevent yet stigmatize suicide when death is inevitable.

People say it causes pain and grief but everyone will eventually die and experience the grief of a family member, friend, acquaintance, etc... I just can't stand societies anti-suicide stance when the ancient Romans and Greeks had a positive view of it.

Ancient Roman's View On Suicide

 

[twilightvader]

I have BPD because of my family so I don't give a fuck about their reactions. They don't even help me, even when I'm at a mental hospital like right now. Sometimes I feel like nobody cares about me.. Anyway.

Your parents seem to be kind and supportive OP. I wish you the best.

 

[yotaka]

I guess this probably isn't very helpful, but I just wanted to say I'm right there with you for what it's worth. I can't keep going on, but I know me killing myself would shatter the ones closest to me. And I know, we're all going to die someday and grief is inevitable, but I think there's a big difference in losing a loved one to old age or disease versus suicide.

 

[Redhand5]

My parents are really the only thing keeping me alive right now. Not my friends, not my half-sister, not my partner - just my parents. They are in their mid 70s so I remind myself that if I die they may only have 10-15 years without me, but it's hard. I'm technically an only child and the other day mum said she was talking to a friend about the fact she only has one child, and she said to that friend "But if you were only going to have one, she is the one you would want to have". I cried when she said that cause I know they will never be okay without me and they would never forgive themselves, but I just don't know how I'm going to survive the next 2-3 months like I really do not know. Thanks for reading.

The prospect of leaving our loved ones behind is a heavy feeling, very heavy. You are right to remark on that. They will definitely miss you, and think of you often. Similarly I contend with that feeling. Your words though have caused me to want to write a longer note to my mom and step father, I want to more greatly inform them of my decision and what led to it. Would that help you and your situation? If you have the time and inclination they would really appreciate your thoughts on the matter. I hope it helps.

 

[SighCry]

I have BPD because of my family so I don't give a fuck about their reactions. They don't even help me, even when I'm at a mental hospital like right now. Sometimes I feel like nobody cares about me.. Anyway.

Your parents seem to be kind and supportive OP. I wish you the best.

I'm so sorry... I wish you all the best too and am glad you're safe right now.

I guess this probably isn't very helpful, but I just wanted to say I'm right there with you for what it's worth. I can't keep going on, but I know me killing myself would shatter the ones closest to me. And I know, we're all going to die someday and grief is inevitable, but I think there's a big difference in losing a loved one to old age or disease versus suicide.

Thank you. It is helpful to hear anyone's perspective on the matter.