Venting dysphoria is leaving me with no choice

[Toy]

I am transgender and I am so insanely dysphoric, I feel like I need to CTB in order to even have the possible chance of coming back as a man if there is more lives after this one or to be in a different life where I won't feel like this anymore. If I die and nothing comes afterwards, I can die never feeling anything again. Dysphoria is taking over my life and driving me to the edge. I know that in my entire time being alive, there will be people who still will call me a woman. That's just the reality of things, especially with the rise of hate. I wish I was in a life where this wouldn't happen or I could at least live feeling as though my gender lines up with what I was born as or I could be in a world that wasn't like this one. I've come to realize over time that getting on testosterone will never fully fix my problem, the only real full solution to fix everything with a bang would be to CTB. I wouldn't witness them using my deadname on my gravestone or anything else after I CTB because I'll already be dead.

Because of this, I feel like I am fully required to CTB and I no longer have a choice but to do so for my own well-being. I can't be a biological male, no matter how long I live. I wish I was just born a male so that this wouldn't have happened to me. No matter how I end up dressing or acting or changing, it won't matter to anyone in the end except myself, which people don't care anyways and will take away your rights to make you hate yourself in the end. I've put up with my family harassing me and putting me down for years and they don't even know i'm at this point. I don't plan on telling them. I was born in the wrong body.

Even if I was happy with myself, my rights will always be a risk of getting taken away forever and being forced to detransition by the laws of my own country. This world is screwed up. I hate being transgender, I wouldn't wish this experience upon anyone who isn't trans. Society is delusional for forcing us to live like this. I hate people who are pro-life for this reason, alongside many others. Even if we ever got our rights fully taken away everywhere, we would always be stopped from ending our lives to finally be free from this and, if there is other lives past this one, having a chance to get into a life where we're happy. I just can't do it anymore, i'm at a breaking point.

 

[Zegers]

No matter how I end up dressing or acting or changing

I can relate because i have a disability and i can't get used to it, it doesn't line up with how i feel. No matter how i dress or how i behave or whatever, i will still be disabled, nah, i don't want anything if i can't even be in a body that i feel good in.

 

[Toy]

I can relate because i have a disability and i can't get used to it, it doesn't line up with how i feel. No matter how i dress or how i behave or whatever, i will still be disabled, nah, i don't want anything if i can't even be in a body that i feel good in.

I agree, I am also disabled and it sucks that both dysphoria and my disability are kicking my ass at the same time.

 

[offbalance]

Also afab trans and disabled so hi
Out of curiosity what country do you live in? I'm in the US so there's some worry of trans rights being taken away but it's not the worst place to be… shit sucks regardless

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

This post reminded me of an "ex bf" who confided into me that he wanted to transition to become a woman and also how he wasn't "attracted to a woman's body" I understand I total understand, I guess there is no linear process to transition and not being accepted in the society and maybe ashamed because this ex of mine now denies being gay and he is still in the closet…. I guess that's why he had to reach out to another man he had never met on social media and now he can't come out of the closet. Maybe that's why he also lied to his "mate" that I accused him of rape so that people can think that I'm lying about him being gay because he called me and his other "mate" Dangs being rats because oh the stories I heard from Dangs about him are a lot. I do kind of agree to some extend when his "mate" said Law was the biggest mistake of your life ( because what type of man goes and look for another man on social media and even feel comfortable to talk about her private parts)! So I think people should live in their truth, rather than try to use women for "comfort" like he told me. Live your truth Law and come out of the closet. Peace