If assisted dying or the pendobarbital-pill/powder whatever were more accessible, affordable, even as cheap as shampoo in any legal store, I probably would have chosen to die at 10 years old.
Back then, I already knew things wouldn't get really better, you just endure memories, physical emotions/pain the body, try to change what the society allows you (not much), try to have some entertainment (driving a bike or walking outside, read or play games or watch movies, sleep) and endure the situations. I was in pain from unrequited love too. On top of that, poverty, disability, no one cares. Trapped since years now in a small room like a Hikikomori and waiting for death, abused in psychiatric hospital.
I've been (and still am) completely paralyzed by it all.
I wish I had a different life, something more like Chance Perez's, but without kids. He is pretty, healthy, was a firefighter, can drive a car, freely move outside, has an amazing wife, friends and family, was the Black Power Ranger, and can sing decently. Not super famous, but comfortably a little above average.
My reality is so terrible compared to this. I was just the "ugly, r'tard lolcow, mentally ill, unhygienic" for everyone. They saw in me a monster and were passiv aggressiv towards me or really malevolent and abandoned me for more important things. I am pressured to fight the same fights that low-status people with similar parents and disabled body always lost in human history. I often looked at the better whatifs, it's a longing.