Story Dying feeling happy and at peace

[casctb]

Just the other day I went to the beach with my family and I was feeling so happy. The feeling lasted for so long that I really wanted to kill myself right at that moment, ODing on Fentanyl to keep that high. I didn't want to kill myself because of any negative feelings, as I felt like I was at the top of the world, but because I didn't want to go back to the pain. I don't like the thought of dying while I'm in despair, in pain or feeling trapped. I want to die when I'm at my happiest, when I'm the most at peace.
Now that I've accepted who I am and stopped doubting what I've wanted for years, I finally have the courage to end it.
Though I might be alone in this, I wonder if anyone feels the same.

 

[RileyTanaka]

You have something special - the peace within yourself before you end it. I tried for many months to find that focal point in myself to be calm, at peace before I go but I don't think I'll ever achieve that fully.

 

[casctb]

You have something special - the peace within yourself before you end it. I tried for many months to find that focal point in myself to be calm, at peace before I go but I don't think I'll ever achieve that fully.

I really don't like saying that one day your feelings will change as I believe it is an empty platitude. However, I did feel what you are feeling so much until I found what was really making me feel unhappy and trapped. It just clicked one day after I stopped denying myself and I was able to find peace.
I sincerely hope that you can find that peace as well.