Venting "dying alone"

[Zaya]

when he sent me a goodbye text after contacting me again after months of no communication following our breakup he mentioned that he'd "die alone" and that he hopes I find someone new despite him always being the one who finds a new partner immediately and me most likely being the one to die alone..

i already got confirmation that he actually has someone new so this just makes it even worse...

fuck this guy i just can't take it anymore..

when i finally kill myself i want him to know.. i somehow want him to know.. hopefully he will feel guilty altho i highly doubt it because he never cared about me..

 

[ImGoingHome]

My current/ex knows he's the reason I've decided to cbt. Wish he didn't. I love him with all my heart & he knows that too, but he's still in love with his ex & the second I moved in he stopped pretending to love me. I should have left sooner, while I could. I'm trauma bonded like fuck, couldn't make it 24 hours without messaging him after he was arrested & given no contact order.

I've given up on love. I have no family or friends, pregnancy isn't likely so can't just pop out some unconditional love. I'm only attracted to pwNPD, & really thought I could help this one manage his condition. I was very wrong, & the only thing I have to look forward to is to be completely alone forever or be abused because of my bad choices in men. Can't even get pets, as losing one at this point in my life would certainly result in cbt anyways.

Don't be like me. You made it months & were "ok" (didn't contact him & kept facebook stalking to a minimum.) Read up on Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It's sad, it's from their parents fucking them up, but this one is literally the death of me. Quora is brilliant, as are Dr. Ramani & Dr. Grande on YouTube.

Message me if you like, though I'm going to cbt soon so if I don't respond it's not that I don't care. Don't know how to do strikethrough/goodbye posts/etc, just going to disappear off here.