Dread

[Butterfly-death]

What if I can never ctb?

What if I'm just stuck in this life?

I feel so trapped here

I know deep down I have no future. I'm broke, stupid, not good looking, etc. I have nothing going for me

I sure will end up homeless at some point and what then? I'm not gonna say what I think will happen to me if I become homeless but come on really think about it and you'll know what

I cannot keep up with society it's just not meant for me

I'm already suffering but I'm sure I will just suffer more in the future. Is this what I deserve? I know I'm not a saint but why are evil people better off than me?

If I don't ctb things will get worse and I will suffer more until I die in the worst way possible

I wish I was never born because ctb is so hard to do without proper resources that are already hard to get and even if you do it's not a 100% it will work

I might as well accept this depressing life and whatever horrible shit happens to me...

People who have succeeded in ctb or even have a method that has a good chance of working, I am so jealous of because I want to be at peace so bad but will that happen for me? I bet not :(

 

[Le temps perdu]

I can relate. I wish I had never been born. And I can't keep up with society either. I really hope things get better for you, even just a little.
whatever you decide, I hope you find peace