Don't want to live, but have to go on

[fieryending]

I hate myself and I really just want to cbt. My only way out rn is to run away and lay down on train tracks, but I don't think that will happen for a while, if at all. I'm not in school right now, which sucks because of all the effort I put into getting A's. My chances of going to college just get worse and worse the longer I'm out of school, but honestly, I just want enough money to cbt. I'm hoping I get into an independent living program that will help me get a place to stay and some money, which I will use to buy SN and antiemetics. Right not I just sleep all day on my sister's couch because I don't even want to play video games anymore. I sleep all day and all night and sometimes I watch a movie or tv show before going back to sleep. I feel like a waste of space and there's nothing I can do about it. It's funny how every time I feel like I might be getting somewhere life just rips it all away.

 

[Avery Jordan]

A dignified method is well worth the wait.

 

[I screwed up]

I totally understand ur situation my friend. Am in ur situation too ... Living with parents ... Nothing to do the whole day ... Every waking hr seems like an eternity of emptiness. No more interests in life just wasting away. Am never alone hence difficult to order sn etc. As it will be caught by my parents. Only option currently is to hang or jumping ... Which I m both scared of... ((( hugs )))