Don’t Want to Be Alone while Dying

[Paradox_]

As the title says. I'm terrified of the dying process and although I'm 99% sure I want to kill myself, I really hate the idea of being all alone while I pass. The only solution I can think of right now is to be with my cats, even though that still feels fairly alone. But worse: I don't want to scare them. I know that sounds ridiculous, and I'm probably displacing what I imagine will be my family's pain onto my cats. Do you think my cats will get scared, or notice that I am going from alive to dead? Oh god, I'm scared. Will they be okay when they notice? One of my cats has a hard time with other people. I'm worried about them. I imagine they will get used to someone else caring for them, though. They are so beautiful. Someone will love them.

Also, are there ways I should make this easier for my family in terms of accessing my bank accounts? I think I should write a will but it says I should get it notarized. I don't have that much. Maybe it doesn't matter and my family will figure it all out peacefully. I don't have any children, so I imagine if I designate my money as going to my siblings, everyone will be on board.

 

[keitaro]

that's completely understandable, and it's nice that you are so thoughtful of your cats. how much they notice at first will prolly depend on what method you use. but once you are dead, i'm sure they will realize. i assume that they might miss you for a bit, especially if you are close to them. but to me it seems like animals get over things better than humans do. in general, at least. but honestly, i don't know much about the inner mind of cats.

 

[FuneralCry]

I don't really know any of the answers to the questions, but I'm sorry that you are in this situation. I wish that we lived in a world where the option of euthanasia is available and people would not have to die alone if that is what they want. It is understandable fearing the dying process as after all, all humans are programmed to survive. The method failing is what I fear the most personally. I hope that in whatever happens, you find relief from your suffering.

 

[Ash’Girl]

Large part of why I'm still here, I keep thinking about how long it will take to be found and the cats not being fed. One of them also seems to always "know", and every time I'm close to ctb he comes and rests his little paw on me and snuggles and then I feel guilty. Oddly I don't really care about anyone else response. I worry about the furry ones.

 

[Rational man]

I feel your pain. I have a cat too and she is will be looked after when im gone. I appointed a power of attorney who already has.access to my accounts and has been instructed to pull.the plug if i end up in ICU resuscitation. I don't have long left but i think.dying alone is wonderful in the same way i came into this world alone. Best wishes and peace.❤

 

[Paradox_]

Large part of why I'm still here, I keep thinking about how long it will take to be found and the cats not being fed. One of them also seems to always "know", and every time I'm close to ctb he comes and rests his little paw on me and snuggles and then I feel guilty. Oddly I don't really care about anyone else response. I worry about the furry ones.

I can relate to this. I also feel like one of my cats just "knows" when I'm struggling, and he will reach his little paw out almost as if to hold my hand. It's really cute, but leads me to feel SO guilty, like I would really be leaving them and they would be sad. I also am a therapist and work with patients, and I very much think some of them will be devastated. Those are the primary reasons I stay leaving.

 

[Ethereal Knight]

I used to want to have someone to hug and share affection in my last moments. now I don't.

because honestly, I feel like you can kinda give this affection to yourself if you have the right mindset. being "spiritual" works, like feeling like you're gonna be hugged by Earth, by higher beings, by gods, by a spiritual girlfriend who lives in the ether, by whatever... something greater than the world itself. your mind is very powerful. higher beings and gods don't need to actually exist for them to have some power, your mind creates it. some people (like me), due to various circuntances, may not be able to love themselves, but they can still feel the love that comes from above... or from below. whatever you choose.

just like your mind can make you feel lonely, it can also make you feel super connected. know yourself.

(sorry for being woo-woo)

 

[Hq633910]

I know my dog will miss me and will have some separation anxiety. I'm sure my boyfriend will play the poor pitiful me card and have a new girl move in about a month after I ctb. He hates me! I gave him the world and he took it plus my mental state. He makes me feel lower than shit. I've only hung out this long bc I love my dog so much.

 

[Judy Garland]

As the title says. I'm terrified of the dying process and although I'm 99% sure I want to kill myself, I really hate the idea of being all alone while I pass. The only solution I can think of right now is to be with my cats, even though that still feels fairly alone. But worse: I don't want to scare them. I know that sounds ridiculous, and I'm probably displacing what I imagine will be my family's pain onto my cats. Do you think my cats will get scared, or notice that I am going from alive to dead? Oh god, I'm scared. Will they be okay when they notice? One of my cats has a hard time with other people. I'm worried about them. I imagine they will get used to someone else caring for them, though. They are so beautiful. Someone will love them.

Also, are there ways I should make this easier for my family in terms of accessing my bank accounts? I think I should write a will but it says I should get it notarized. I don't have that much. Maybe it doesn't matter and my family will figure it all out peacefully. I don't have any children, so I imagine if I designate my money as going to my siblings, everyone will be on board.

Your cats are probably going to be acting strangely as your body shuts down. I was 18 when I drank Engine Coolant, and the night I did it, it took about 4 hours to feel really sick. Like very sick. I threw up in the bathroom and I was all sweaty. I went downstairs and my cat was standing in front of me. I was slurring my speech and I said, "I love you sneakers" as I layed on the carpet to rest. I was not only slurring, but dizzy as well. Before I layed down he did this low voice loud howl. He sounded as if he was about to get in a major cat fight like was protecting something (or me). It was a deafening roar from him. My parents were upstairs at the time and didn't know what I had done. So yes, your cats are probably going to start acting strangely.

I too am afraid of the process of dying. I'm afraid that I'll wake up on the bathroom floor and feel myself, my brain dying. I'm worried that I'll try to move but won't be able to, and that I will freak out inside my mind. I don't want to be panicking inside my body as it dies. Hopefully, I get to just die and all of it be peaceful.

 

[Paradox_]

I used to want to have someone to hug and share affection in my last moments. now I don't.

because honestly, I feel like you can kinda give this affection to yourself if you have the right mindset. being "spiritual" works, like feeling like you're gonna be hugged by Earth, by higher beings, by gods, by a spiritual girlfriend who lives in the ether, by whatever... something greater than the world itself. your mind is very powerful. higher beings and gods don't need to actually exist for them to have some power, your mind creates it. some people (like me), due to various circuntances, may not be able to love themselves, but they can still feel the love that comes from above... or from below. whatever you choose.

just like your mind can make you feel lonely, it can also make you feel super connected. know yourself.

(sorry for being woo-woo)

This is helpful to me. Thank you. I took ketamine (got an IV) and felt something similar, like I was with a higher being who loved me. I think I can channel that when I die.

 

[Judy Garland]

This is helpful to me. Thank you. I took ketamine (got an IV) and felt something similar, like I was with a higher being who loved me. I think I can channel that when I die.

I hope so, that would be a blessing and would make the transition very smooth.

 

[Hangnail]

If you plan to SN, N, or any other method of poison, I want to warn you in advance that your cats might eat you after death and in that case, they'll share the effects of whatever you ingest.

 

[Paradox_]

If you plan to SN, N, or any other method of poison, I want to warn you in advance that your cats might eat you after death and in that case, they'll share the effects of whatever you ingest.

Do you think they would do that if I left ample food out for them? I imagine I will be found within a few days.

 

[lionetta12]

Do you think they would do that if I left ample food out for them? I imagine I will be found within a few days.

I guess you could avoid that by CBT'ing in another room than the one the cats are in? For example, the bathroom if possible. Not sure if that would make you feel even more alone thought.

Idk if leaving food out for them would prevent it, maybe it's possible to find an answer on google. Haven't heard of cats eating their dead owners yet but have definantly read about some other pet species doing so.