deepsweetdiver
Member
- Dec 10, 2024
- 52
Same as what the title says. I don't know why I'm still here. I have access to plenty of methods and could carry them out pretty quickly. Nothing is stopping me in that way.
I understand I will be dead, and there will be no guilt or grief for me to experience once I ctb, but I can't do it. Everyone on this forum has to know what it feels like to lose someone. I can't inflict that pain on someone else, no I won't feel it myself, but I will know, even in my final breaths how it will affect someone.
I just want to go already. I want to go peacefully- drift off to sleep and stay there forever, but I also want to go dramatically and painfully, gunshot that only will kill me from the blood loss, slits that knock me out, a ligature that makes me choke. I am ugly and odd and see no way I will successfully have a career I enjoy or one that pays me well. I want an accident to happen to me, everyday I pray that I will get into a car crash, that will euthanize me yet keep everyone else safe. I want to have stupid doctors operate on me and accidentally kill me.
I can't do this anymore. Even the littlest of things bring me barely any joy now. I am far beyond saving. I just suffer each and every second I breathe and my heart beats. I am too wimpy to act it out. I am sorry to myself and everyone I burden with my existence.
I know I will find my peace someday. May all of you on this site find your peace soon enough.
I understand I will be dead, and there will be no guilt or grief for me to experience once I ctb, but I can't do it. Everyone on this forum has to know what it feels like to lose someone. I can't inflict that pain on someone else, no I won't feel it myself, but I will know, even in my final breaths how it will affect someone.
I just want to go already. I want to go peacefully- drift off to sleep and stay there forever, but I also want to go dramatically and painfully, gunshot that only will kill me from the blood loss, slits that knock me out, a ligature that makes me choke. I am ugly and odd and see no way I will successfully have a career I enjoy or one that pays me well. I want an accident to happen to me, everyday I pray that I will get into a car crash, that will euthanize me yet keep everyone else safe. I want to have stupid doctors operate on me and accidentally kill me.
I can't do this anymore. Even the littlest of things bring me barely any joy now. I am far beyond saving. I just suffer each and every second I breathe and my heart beats. I am too wimpy to act it out. I am sorry to myself and everyone I burden with my existence.
I know I will find my peace someday. May all of you on this site find your peace soon enough.
