Legit rn all I can do is lie in bed and hope that somehow I drop dead. That's where I'm at now. Everything is fucking shit...
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TheSomebody
...
- Sep 28, 2020
- 283
exactly the same with me, everything is being so exhausting. I will use the last strength I have to put an end to myself
flagmaster
Member
- Oct 19, 2020
- 53
You managed to post which is something you should be proud of. Not to be dismissive of your current circumstances but even at your worst, you've managed to create a thread that reaches out to us. Thanks for being here @OverTheRainbow
Maybe venting how you feel might help? We're here.
Maybe venting how you feel might help? We're here.
Meditation guide
Always was, is, and always shall be.
- Jun 22, 2020
- 6,089
I was thinking the same thing. At least those on the forum who have actually done ctb had the energy and ability to do it.
SpinningSong
Student
- Oct 9, 2020
- 121
You guys are really kind and always here when I'm feeling completely alone. This community is really kind and I thank you so much for that...
Lately I feel like I'm evil or something. I have BPD and I read a lot of threads on Reddit and such about how evil and manipulative people with bpd are. It makes me extremely sad... I don't want to mistreat people. I don't want to hurt people. I really don't. Idk how to say it properly but I really really don't... I actually want to be kind to the people I care about. Yes my depression can make me selfish and self absorbed at times and trust me I hate that, but I do really love the people close to me... Not that there's many or any...
Lately I feel like I'm evil or something. I have BPD and I read a lot of threads on Reddit and such about how evil and manipulative people with bpd are. It makes me extremely sad... I don't want to mistreat people. I don't want to hurt people. I really don't. Idk how to say it properly but I really really don't... I actually want to be kind to the people I care about. Yes my depression can make me selfish and self absorbed at times and trust me I hate that, but I do really love the people close to me... Not that there's many or any...
CTB is hard to accomplish. How many times I have to reframe my mind and justifying on why I had to leave this world, over and over again? I have time, lots of time to reframe the thinking. I try to recover and think positive but it never works out that way because an outside influence can turn that positive into a negative, so why bother anymore.
You really think hard about why you want to CTB, why does life suck? Was it your fault? Deep soul searching questions that make your heart beat irregular and your breathing slows when you reflect.
You really think hard about why you want to CTB, why does life suck? Was it your fault? Deep soul searching questions that make your heart beat irregular and your breathing slows when you reflect.
whitefeather
Thank the gods for Death
- Apr 23, 2020
- 506
Poet David Whyte has always said that suicide is a major accomplishment .
Sunlight starvation for half of the year affects everything on earth.
Sunlight starvation for half of the year affects everything on earth.
Ignore them. They're ableist pricks! If that's the reason you want to CTB, it's a stupid reason
funaunt
Member
- Oct 26, 2020
- 8
I have felt this way for so long. All I can do is lay in bed and stare at the wall. I am too tired to live but also too tired to do something about it
I feel this so much. I feel like I'm stuck in some nightmare limbo. I have no will to live yet my SI traps me here. I have a tie I can do partial with and a place to jump, yet I just waste away in my bed. I fucking hate it.
Omg same im so cognitive fucked up too which makes it even worse I deserve to die
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StuFin
Arcanist
- Oct 21, 2020
- 450
Every night when I go to bed I hope I'm going to die in my sleep and every morning when I wake up I'm so pissed off. It's very frustrating.
xLosthopex
Tell my dogs I love them
- May 29, 2020
- 1,135
I'm in the same boat, I have things I need to do before I ctb, just basic tasks like tidy my room and throw out some stuff but I have no motivation even for that because I'm so fucking depressed
deleted
Wizard
- Jul 31, 2020
- 677
I'm going to be a useless lazy even to plan my suicide, I hope I can find the courage to do it as soon as possible
AnnonyBox
Specialist
- Apr 11, 2018
- 335
The lack of energy from depression can be tough. It's ok to take a day or two to yourself to just sleep and do nothing else. Try to make a small goal for yourself, something as small as taking a shower once or twice a week when it gets that bad really helps, in my experience. Here's hoping for you
Deleted member 17949
Visionary
- May 9, 2020
- 2,240
Suicide is such an exhausting task holy fuck bruh it is not easy
That exactly what i was saying yesterday pro lifers dont even take the time understand they just assume that were "selfish" or " taking the easy way out" theres nothing SELFISH or EASY about any of this! They are selfish and are living the easy life they dont have to worry about 24/7 agonizing pain
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