Help Guys after stoping nicotine I relapse full circle and I’m scared

[xxRoro]

Hi, I got a surgery in almost 3 weeks and I set myself 1month before stop smoking/vapeing but I failed like instantly after the set goal.
Actually after the last weeks I got better step by step. I learning Japanese met with friends again.
Now I relapsed
It's 14 days now till surgery and I was able to got to 3 days clean but now I relapsed again. I got ugly criying, pure selfhate at peak and sh and passive and little active ctb thoughts again

The Antidepressants "mirtazapin" actually cut my whole cbt thoughts completely but I was also Smoking nicotine and cannabis back bevor this happend right now

Right now I actually relapsed even more my taking five 5mg Xanax and mdma. I am scared and so hopeless.
Please comfort me! I am crying rn. I hate my life,that I'm trans, disabled the family disapointment. I am scared. I don't wanna go into psych ward hospital again. But my heard is racing like shit
Anyone I can talk to rn like discord? Pn me pls I just need to talk to someone or just be a listener. Just be there . Ju don't have to say nothing. I don't want to be alone

 

[EyesOfNight]

3 days after quitting is when withdrawal symptoms are the strongest.
There is a book called "The easy way to stop smoking" by Allen Carr. There is also a free pdf version somewhere on the internet. It might help, or not, I don't know.
Oops, wrong one. It's "quit easy" by Jim Trimmer.

Sounds like a extremely stressful situation you're in. It's not the easiest to quit while under so much stress. Hope you get through it.

 

[Beyond_Repair]

I've attempted quitting nicotine a few times, once successfully for about 6 months. For me at least, the first month or so was BAD. My suicidal thoughts were at an all time high.

If you're a regular nicotine user, you're regularly supplying your brain with dopamine hits. Your brain adjusts to this by producing less dopamine naturally. When you quit, your dopamine levels are on the floor, even worse when you didn't have much to begin with (which is the case for many people with depression and other disorders). It takes time but it does get back to a baseline.

I completely understand though, it sucks. The only way out is through though. I personally did feel a lot better about 3 months or so into quitting

 

[xxRoro]

MDMA is kicking rn. At least I can be happy for an now

 

[xxRoro]

Just found this post. I have no memory writing it. I keep forgetting so much rn

 

[Forveleth]

It takes the average smoker 7+ tries to quit. Don't beat yourself up over failing. Just try again. Take it one day, one hour, one craving at a time. You can do it!

 

[ham and potatoes]

i hate to think how many times i "quit" before i succeeded. its hard, dont beat up on yourself not succeeding the first try

 

[ferrie]

Quitting is very difficult. Try not to beat yourself up over it. It's a very difficult process, and there will be missteps. It took me a year to go completely off of nicotine, and I still get cravings myself. Are you trying to quit cold turkey or use something like a patch or gum to wean yourself off?