Venting Don´t want to ruin my parents life

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I agree with this I hate those fuckers. Sure if you have a nice mental state, no physical illnesses, great genetics and decent amount of money then I am sure life CAN be a gift but for me who lack all of these things life is a curse!

Btw: I like your sig "fake it till you exit" that is so true I have to fake being happy or at least fake not being suicidal until I die just to keep people happy around me.



It fucking sucks to keep our organs going like a fucking comatose patient "just" so we won´t break our parents hearts. I often envy the people who has no family or friends because they literally got nothing to hold them back, I know some people want to be missed although I think this is more of a teenage mindset like when I was suicidal as a teenager it felt so good thinking about how much people would miss me but now I just wish that nobody gave a shit so I could kms with a clear conscience.


I am also piss poor right now since I got kicked out of school for not attending and my only copes I have is to go tanning once a week just lay there relaxing in the nice hot tanning bed for 12-15 minutes, my other copes are shooting firearms since it´s my number one hobby but it´s expensive and as soon as I mention suicidal thought my guns will be taken away i.e. take away my biggest reason to live my ultimate cope. and my last cope drives in my car it is so relaxing.

It pisses me off how much power money has, money is literally EVERYTHING and middle class working people somehow think I am entitled because I just want an early pension when I literally can´t work because of physical and mental problems and I would only get about 1600$ a month for the rest of my life that is only 2/3 or half what a middle class person gets in Denmark and people get mad about this meanwhile people can buy a wine, painting, shoes etc. off an auction for millions. Just recently I saw a wine sold at an auction for 1.6 million USD those money are just pennies for the rich to spend on insignicant shit but I could live my dream life for the rest of my life for that kind of money. It could also be the shoes worn in The Wizard of Oz they were estimated between 2-5 million USD at an auction recently and to think they are JUST a pair of shoes and for that kinda money I could live an amazing life but still I am an insignificant entitled little worm for JUST wanting to get an early pension at 1600USD a month to cope with life.

Life is great for some people who don't have to struggle to survive. Those who can shit in gold toilets. :(
You're correct … life is a curse. :(
Glad you like the sig :) I had heard Seethers song Fake It aand it made me think of changing the saying. ;)
All I'm doing now is faking it until I finally exit.



I'm also poor. Whoever said money can't buy happiness has never been poor their entire life with no hope of ever getting out.
I don't tan and it doesn't stay anyway. I'm extremely white. ;) I don't even care. Wouldn't help anyway.
I don't have firearms but I've heard it's expensive. Unless you only have them for protection.
I also hate that the rich can drop millions and not even think about it. :( Like this :

https://www.msn.com/en-us/travel/ar...balloon-renamed-love-is-in-the-bin/ar-BBOfIYg

I could also live the rest of my life on a couple million. Life fucking sucks !!! :(

 

[AceOfSpadesCTB]

I'm not close mate with mine barley seen them in decades but even if you don't and this is me personnel your mother always has a connection

I'm sure that she does, and I'm sure it will still be devestating. Sadly, I can't let that keep holding me back anymore. It's just become too much.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I also hate that the rich can drop millions and not even think about it. :( Like this :

I hate that! I also read earlier that it costed the UK nearly 18 million pounds for police protection for Trump could visit for 4 days that makes me so mad because if I just had a couple million pounds I could live an amazing life for the rest of my life and the same goes for that painting 1.4 million USD wasted on a fucking painting and those money could grand me an amazing life and those money is just like dropping a penny for the buyer.

Right now I have never been so poor as I am now I haven´t gotten welfare yet (since I just went from student loan to welfare I got kicked out of school for not attending because of mental problems) so the only money I have had for this whole month was some money my parents has given me a little at a time and they have given me some food to take home and even had pay for gas for my car and they are really struggling with money too which makes me feel so guilty. People think the welfare system is soooo good in Denmark but it´s not I am it´s the 12th and I haven´t gotten any money from them yet and haven´t been able to pay my bills imagine if I didn´t have parents that could help me then I would be fucked.

 

[Jai]

Life is great for some people who don't have to struggle to survive. Those who can shit in gold toilets. :(
You're correct … life is a curse. :(
Glad you like the sig :) I had heard Seethers song Fake It aand it made me think of changing the saying. ;)
All I'm doing now is faking it until I finally exit.



I'm also poor. Whoever said money can't buy happiness has never been poor their entire life with no hope of ever getting out.
I don't tan and it doesn't stay anyway. I'm extremely white. ;) I don't even care. Wouldn't help anyway.
I don't have firearms but I've heard it's expensive. Unless you only have them for protection.
I also hate that the rich can drop millions and not even think about it. :( Like this :

https://www.msn.com/en-us/travel/ar...balloon-renamed-love-is-in-the-bin/ar-BBOfIYg

I could also live the rest of my life on a couple million. Life fucking for them think getting a limo instead of an uber is normal for them though they are shallow silver spoon etc I'd fuck off to a remote place and with that wealth just do drugs and blow my brains out isolated and putting

I hate that! I also read earlier that it costed the UK nearly 18 million pounds for police protection for Trump could visit for 4 days that makes me so mad because if I just had a couple million pounds I could live an amazing life for the rest of my life and the same goes for that painting 1.4 million USD wasted on a fucking painting and those money could grand me an amazing life and those money is just like dropping a penny for the buyer.

Right now I have never been so poor as I am now I haven´t gotten welfare yet (since I just went from student loan to welfare I got kicked out of school for not attending because of mental problems) so the only money I have had for this whole month was some money my parents has given me a little at a time and they have given me some food to take home and even had pay for gas for my car and they are really struggling with money too which makes me feel so guilty. People think the welfare system is soooo good in Denmark but it´s not I am it´s the 12th and I haven´t gotten any money from them yet and haven´t been able to pay my bills imagine if I didn´t have parents that could help me then I would be fucked.

 

[Jai]

Bollocks isn't it what kills me more and hold your rasict thoughts snowflakes but the UK spends 18 billion on immigrants out Of Europe but then spend 20 billion on Pakistan to keep their affairs in order but yet go see if you can go buy a house or serve your country and be at the bottom of the ladder while they get housing first that's 38 billion they could spend on the poor

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I hate that! I also read earlier that it costed the UK nearly 18 million pounds for police protection for Trump could visit for 4 days that makes me so mad because if I just had a couple million pounds I could live an amazing life for the rest of my life and the same goes for that painting 1.4 million USD wasted on a fucking painting and those money could grand me an amazing life and those money is just like dropping a penny for the buyer.

Right now I have never been so poor as I am now I haven´t gotten welfare yet (since I just went from student loan to welfare I got kicked out of school for not attending because of mental problems) so the only money I have had for this whole month was some money my parents has given me a little at a time and they have given me some food to take home and even had pay for gas for my car and they are really struggling with money too which makes me feel so guilty. People think the welfare system is soooo good in Denmark but it´s not I am it´s the 12th and I haven´t gotten any money from them yet and haven´t been able to pay my bills imagine if I didn´t have parents that could help me then I would be fucked.

I totally get it … every day is a struggle :(
My parents don't have money either. I don't know what the welfare system is like in the U.S. but I'm sure it sucks here as well.
I googled 18 million pounds to convert it to USD and it is over 23 1/2 million … makes me sick and pissed off. :(
I'm sure the person that bought that painting didn't even blink when they bought it. :(
The rich here just get more and more tax breaks so they can keep more of their money. :(
I just get so pissed. :(

 

[Oncologynurz123]

That´s not really "the same problem" I love my parents and always have and they have never showed me nothing but love and they made my childhood heaven on Earth I am not exaggerating I kinda believe that I might have had the best childhood in the world and a reason for the big part of that is because I had such good parents.


This is spot on. Reproduction isn´t a miracle we all were just born because we were the next step in life for our parents. They get married gets a house, car etc. and the next step is the experience of having children and here we are just a new experience or level in life if you will. I know I shouldn´t feel guilty for wanting to kms and I think the only reasons is because they gave me heaven on Earth as a child I am an extreme atheist btw so I don´t believe in heaven, Hell or reincarnation I am just making the comparison that I truly had an insanely good childhood that can only be compared to what religious people believe heaven to be like.

So why cbt if you had such a good life? Not judging just asking

Bollocks isn't it what kills me more and hold your rasict thoughts snowflakes but the UK spends 18 billion on immigrants out Of Europe but then spend 20 billion on Pakistan to keep their affairs in order but yet go see if you can go buy a house or serve your country and be at the bottom of the ladder while they get housing first that's 38 billion they could spend on the poor

Wasn't me that made the decision, mate.

So why cbt if you had such a good life? Not judging just asking

Wasn't me that made the decision, mate.

Pretty sure that those who made the decisions weren't us on here. Dude.

 

[青い青い海となれ]

My biggest problem is that I don´t want to ruin my parents life, I am sure that the suicide of a parents child must be one of the biggest pains ever. I have seen a lot of documentaries about suicide and the life of ones love ones will always have that pain inside of them by a child, parents, life partner´s suicide they just learn to live with the pain over the years.

So any tips to get rid of these thoughts? I really want to die but I don´t want to ruin my parents life, they gave me the best childhood in the world and they have always been there for me, even now when I got kicked out of school and am in the process of getting welfare they have given me some food and over 100$ so I can buy something to eat. They don´t know I am suicidal because I said I am just want to know if I have a mental illness so I hope I can talk to a psychiatrist.

It seems now the only thing holding me back from ctb is that I keep thinking about my parents especially the picture of my mother crying at her own mother´s funeral keeps repeating in my head when I want to kms and how could I bring that pain upon both my parents? So anyone have the same problem or used to but got rid of these thought by rationalizing e.g. we never asked to be born so we should have the choice to exit life.

If you think of that don't do it!!! My brother killed himself few days ago and it's a fk hell for us, even if once you are gone you will feel nothing regrets neither
now im your same condition, i just want to die but i can't do it bc i know in first person what my parents are living and what I'd make you live again losing another son in so less time

 

[TheGoodGuy]

So why cbt if you had such a good life? Not judging just asking

I think you should read your question one more time because it´s not making any sense. Yeah I HAD a good life but because my childhood and teenage years were good doesn´t mean I should suffer for several decades? And I already have suffered from physical and mental illnesses for 10 years so I think after such a long time where it only gets worse year by year it´s now a statistic of how my existence goes. And actually I am offended by your question in general like am I now allowed to ctb because I had a amazing life once upon a time so long back that it hardly feels real anymore the only thing I know is pain and suffering now so it´s my "life" now.

If you think of that don't do it!!! My brother killed himself few days ago and it's a fk hell for us, even if once you are gone you will feel nothing regrets neither
now im your same condition, i just want to die but i can't do it bc i know in first person what my parents are living and what I'd make you live again losing another son in so less time

It still just sounds like guilt tripping to me

 

[WeDontKnowTheFuture]

Same problem, i cannot imagine my parents going through that, especially my mother who is very alone and sensitive.
So i'm just trapped in hell, what i'm living on a daily basis is purely torture. I know suicide is the best decision in my case but they will never understand it. They will be devasted instead of realizing that i just free myself from an unbearable existence.
after all, they are programmed to keep us alive.

 

[Oncologynurz123]

I think you should read your question one more time because it´s not making any sense. Yeah I HAD a good life but because my childhood and teenage years were good doesn´t mean I should suffer for several decades? And I already have suffered from physical and mental illnesses for 10 years so I think after such a long time where it only gets worse year by year it´s now a statistic of how my existence goes. And actually I am offended by your question in general like am I now allowed to ctb because I had a amazing life once upon a time so long back that it hardly feels real anymore the only thing I know is pain and suffering now so it´s my "life" now.

It still just sounds like guilt tripping to me

I apologize. I did not mean to offend, and certainly don't deny anyone's right to end their life on their own terms. I guess what I was getting at was asking what the circumstances, thoughts, feelings, etc that are bringing you to this point? You had mentioned getting kicked out of school and financial problems, which I get, that's incredibly stressful. But I also get the impression there was something more lurking there...

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I apologize. I did not mean to offend, and certainly don't deny anyone's right to end their life on their own terms. I guess what I was getting at was asking what the circumstances, thoughts, feelings, etc that are bringing you to this point? You had mentioned getting kicked out of school and financial problems, which I get, that's incredibly stressful. But I also get the impression there was something more lurking there...

VERY long story but if interested it´s in here you could for example skip the first long part and then I had made a list longer down with all my problems.

I feel like I have lived a full life (Ready to die hopefully tonight)

Like a 75 year old man on his death bed that feels he has lived a full life so do I but I am 25. I feel life ends past 20 years old at least to me it does mostly because I am a man-child so adult life with bills, hard educations, jobs, getting married and having children and responsibilities...

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