Story Doing something kinda dumb...

[jodes2]

About 5 months ago I overcame my suicidal thoughts when I had the idea to go raving. So I splashed out on raving clothes and felt great. I've been twice since then, had a pretty good time. But I only had alcohol. A week ago I bought some MDMA pills I hope to take at the next few events. Unfortunately I read on Reddit that you can't take them while on SSRIs! At best, it cancels the effect of the mdma. At worst, it's dangerous. It's hard to get concrete information but I really want to start doing drugs again. There's nothing in this world for me that compares to dancing on MDMA. I haven't done it in 20 years and I miss it terribly.

So a few days ago I stopped taking my antidepressants. I don't know, it might already be having a slightly negative effect. I feel a bit more miserable in the mornings, not much but some. I feel guilty for doing this. Guilty to my dad, my gf and my psychiatrist. And I worry I'm making a mistake. But I never really felt like the antidepressants were helping me. I was on a tiny dose anyway. I feel like I overcame the suicidal thoughts on my own by going raving, and wanted to take it a step further, making myself feel like I really have something to live for. Even if I only go raving every couple of months, it's a lot better than having nothing to look forward to.

Before I decided to go raving again, I had nothing to look forward to at all. Just the same shit every day. Wake up, chores, social media and TV, sleep. Questionable interactions with my gf. Nothing satisfying. Regularly thinking about death. I even ordered SN, even though I doubted I'd use it any time soon because I don't want to hurt my gf. But things were pretty miserable.

Just venting, I guess. Spurred on by the guilt. Thanks for listening. I just hope I'm making the right decision. Some people would say it's stupid. I haven't told anyone I'm now off my antidepressants but I'm still taking my antipsychotics which I think is really important, I definitely don't want another bout of psychosis, that was hell and nearly ended my relationship.

It's just nice having something to feel excited about again. I wouldn't have come off my antidepressants if I didn't think I had to. I just hope I find more things in life to be excited about. Alcohol kinda sucks but MDMA is fucking awesome shit! Really quite excited! I've even started making friends again, for the first time in 20 years. It's hard when you don't have an interest in anything. But having strong common interests it seems is enough to overcome the social anxiety and avoidance behaviours. Yay! God I hope I'm not being stupid here!!

 

[puppet_nihilist]

Isn't MDMA a psychedelic drug? I heard those sorts of drugs may have very long lasting therapeutic effects, I think there also used to be psychedelic treatment sessions.

Wondering if it was at the time that you started using MDMA that you started experiencing any improvements on your mental health?

 

[throwawayyy]

M and other psychedelics are the only thing that gets rid of my suicidal thoughts. I miss them. I'm also on SSRI and antipsychotics. I am also strongly considering going off the SSRIs so I can enjoy a trip. Hope it works out for u, keep us updated

 

[jodes2]

M and other psychedelics are the only thing that gets rid of my suicidal thoughts. I miss them. I'm also on SSRI and antipsychotics. I am also strongly considering going off the SSRIs so I can enjoy a trip. Hope it works out for u, keep us updated

Thanks! Will do :) can't wait til the 22nd April when I'll first take it again

Isn't MDMA a psychedelic drug? I heard those sorts of drugs may have very long lasting therapeutic effects, I think there also used to be psychedelic treatment sessions.

Wondering if it was at the time that you started using MDMA that you started experiencing any improvements on your mental health?

I'm not sure if it's a psychedelic, but I have heard it can be used for therapy! Fingers crossed! I know when I used it when I was 17 I had a great time I gained a new outlook on life and tried to maintain the outlook going forward. It seemed to work for a year or two

 

[BroodingBleu]

Ive always wanted to try MDMA and experiment with other stuff but could never come across a reliable way of getting it

Kind of a bucket list thing for me.

 

[throwawayyy]

Ive always wanted to try MDMA and experiment with other stuff but could never come across a reliable way of getting it

Kind of a bucket list thing for me.

Buy from the onions my guy, very easy.

 

[jodes2]

Ive always wanted to try MDMA and experiment with other stuff but could never come across a reliable way of getting it

Kind of a bucket list thing for me.

I posted in various subs in Reddit about research chemicals in my area and someone responded to me offering mdma worked out well. Otherwise the dark net would have been my only option and I've been scammed there before, bought duds

 

[lionetta12]

About 5 months ago I overcame my suicidal thoughts when I had the idea to go raving. So I splashed out on raving clothes and felt great. I've been twice since then, had a pretty good time. But I only had alcohol. A week ago I bought some MDMA pills I hope to take at the next few events. Unfortunately I read on Reddit that you can't take them while on SSRIs! At best, it cancels the effect of the mdma. At worst, it's dangerous. It's hard to get concrete information but I really want to start doing drugs again. There's nothing in this world for me that compares to dancing on MDMA. I haven't done it in 20 years and I miss it terribly.

So a few days ago I stopped taking my antidepressants. I don't know, it might already be having a slightly negative effect. I feel a bit more miserable in the mornings, not much but some. I feel guilty for doing this. Guilty to my dad, my gf and my psychiatrist. And I worry I'm making a mistake. But I never really felt like the antidepressants were helping me. I was on a tiny dose anyway. I feel like I overcame the suicidal thoughts on my own by going raving, and wanted to take it a step further, making myself feel like I really have something to live for. Even if I only go raving every couple of months, it's a lot better than having nothing to look forward to.

Before I decided to go raving again, I had nothing to look forward to at all. Just the same shit every day. Wake up, chores, social media and TV, sleep. Questionable interactions with my gf. Nothing satisfying. Regularly thinking about death. I even ordered SN, even though I doubted I'd use it any time soon because I don't want to hurt my gf. But things were pretty miserable.

Just venting, I guess. Spurred on by the guilt. Thanks for listening. I just hope I'm making the right decision. Some people would say it's stupid. I haven't told anyone I'm now off my antidepressants but I'm still taking my antipsychotics which I think is really important, I definitely don't want another bout of psychosis, that was hell and nearly ended my relationship.

It's just nice having something to feel excited about again. I wouldn't have come off my antidepressants if I didn't think I had to. I just hope I find more things in life to be excited about. Alcohol kinda sucks but MDMA is fucking awesome shit! Really quite excited! I've even started making friends again, for the first time in 20 years. It's hard when you don't have an interest in anything. But having strong common interests it seems is enough to overcome the social anxiety and avoidance behaviours. Yay! God I hope I'm not being stupid here!!

I'm not a drug person myself, but do what makes you happy and what motivates you. If you only look forward to trying MDMA again after 20 years of not doing so, go for it. You know what effects it has on you already and you seem to research it all well too so I don't see any reason for you to not try it again if you really want to. When suicidal and feeling miserable I think it's important to not give a frick for a little to feel alive and possibly even happy, even if it's just for a moment. It can have a good long lasting effect when it comes to recovery. It's a life or death situations so doing some «extreme things» sounds more reasonable then if that can help you live. Being more YOLO and a little more careless and not worrying so much about others all the time is helping me a lot now and I feel better and less suicidal from it.

 

[foreversad16]

About 5 months ago I overcame my suicidal thoughts when I had the idea to go raving. So I splashed out on raving clothes and felt great. I've been twice since then, had a pretty good time. But I only had alcohol. A week ago I bought some MDMA pills I hope to take at the next few events. Unfortunately I read on Reddit that you can't take them while on SSRIs! At best, it cancels the effect of the mdma. At worst, it's dangerous. It's hard to get concrete information but I really want to start doing drugs again. There's nothing in this world for me that compares to dancing on MDMA. I haven't done it in 20 years and I miss it terribly.

So a few days ago I stopped taking my antidepressants. I don't know, it might already be having a slightly negative effect. I feel a bit more miserable in the mornings, not much but some. I feel guilty for doing this. Guilty to my dad, my gf and my psychiatrist. And I worry I'm making a mistake. But I never really felt like the antidepressants were helping me. I was on a tiny dose anyway. I feel like I overcame the suicidal thoughts on my own by going raving, and wanted to take it a step further, making myself feel like I really have something to live for. Even if I only go raving every couple of months, it's a lot better than having nothing to look forward to.

Before I decided to go raving again, I had nothing to look forward to at all. Just the same shit every day. Wake up, chores, social media and TV, sleep. Questionable interactions with my gf. Nothing satisfying. Regularly thinking about death. I even ordered SN, even though I doubted I'd use it any time soon because I don't want to hurt my gf. But things were pretty miserable.

Just venting, I guess. Spurred on by the guilt. Thanks for listening. I just hope I'm making the right decision. Some people would say it's stupid. I haven't told anyone I'm now off my antidepressants but I'm still taking my antipsychotics which I think is really important, I definitely don't want another bout of psychosis, that was hell and nearly ended my relationship.

It's just nice having something to feel excited about again. I wouldn't have come off my antidepressants if I didn't think I had to. I just hope I find more things in life to be excited about. Alcohol kinda sucks but MDMA is fucking awesome shit! Really quite excited! I've even started making friends again, for the first time in 20 years. It's hard when you don't have an interest in anything. But having strong common interests it seems is enough to overcome the social anxiety and avoidance behaviours. Yay! God I hope I'm not being stupid here!!

Please speak with your psychiatrist, a good one will not judge you. Nothing you have said sounds unreasonable and it is your decision what medication to take. That said Psychiatrists should be experts in these medications and an adjustment that seems innocuous to us could do unintended harm. My daughter had her first episode of psychosis after coming off Citalopram without telling anyone. There may be another drug that you could try for your mood, my daughter said Lamotrigine helped her for a while. Even if you don't want to add in or change medication a trusted loved one should know so that they can look out for you. Sending a virtual hug, look after yourself.

 

[jodes2]

Please speak with your psychiatrist, a good one will not judge you. Nothing you have said sounds unreasonable and it is your decision what medication to take. That said Psychiatrists should be experts in these medications and an adjustment that seems innocuous to us could do unintended harm. My daughter had her first episode of psychosis after coming off Citalopram without telling anyone. There may be another drug that you could try for your mood, my daughter said Lamotrigine helped her for a while. Even if you don't want to add in or change medication a trusted loved one should know so that they can look out for you. Sending a virtual hug, look after yourself.

Thanks, that's good advice. I will try to get the courage to do that, I definitely don't want psychosis again!

 

[foreversad16]

Thanks, that's good advice. I will try to get the courage to do that, I definitely don't want psychosis again!

 

[never mind me]

It's very likely that your psychiatrist and most mental health professionals will tell you that it is a bad idea to take MDMA and discontinue your antidepressants in order to do so. Simply because most of them think that drugs are always bad for you, because they are illegal. At least that's my experience. However, I think the divide between legal drugs and illegal drugs and also between psychotropic medications and illegal drugs is a rather arbitrary one. For me it makes as much sense telling someone else which psychotropic substance is generally good and which one is generally bad as it makes to tell someone in which god they need to believe in. So don't judge yourself only because you do something that most people /society/ the law considers to be bad.
While most psychiatrists for the above mentioned reasons would most likely say it's a bad idea to take MDMA most of them would agree that it is important to have things to look forward to that you enjoy in order to get rid of depressive symptoms. So if you feel like taking MDMA and going on raves with them makes you feel better than just hanging around and taking antidepressants I don't think that there is anything wrong with your decision. Personally I've been taking all kind of different drugs for the last 14 years and it has helped to make my life interesting enough to still be alive although I sometimes have suicidal thoughts. But before I started taking drugs I felt a lot worse. Things didn't only improve because of taking drugs, but it certainly helps.

 

[stilhavinightmares]

I hear you. Do what you think will make you happy obviously. I would be a little nervous about the MDMA causing psychosis though especially since you have a history of psychosis. Be careful in whatever you choose to do. I wish you the best.

 

[electricworry]

I feel guilty for doing this. Guilty to my dad, my gf and my psychiatrist.

I've never had a psychiatrist, but why should you feel guilty to them? You're paying them! They provide you a service! And a very valuable one at that.

Now, with all that said, I do think it would be in your best interest to tell your psychiatrist. Firstly, for your overall health reasons. If you're messing around with dosages, they should know so they can better help you if something goes wrong.

Also because they can give you better information for this type of thing. As long as you're not actively expressing suicidal intent they can't call the cops on you right? Genuine question, I don't know lol.

Who knows, they might tell you to live a little and do it anyway! Anyway, I am glad you have found something that is worth pursuing! I wish we had rave culture where I live.