Discussion Does wanting to ctb being parent make you a bad person ?

[ThisWillNeverStop]

I want your honest opinion please.

So, I attempted ctb many times during my teenage years and as a young adult then at the age of 24 I became father for the first time, they were twins, and stopped thinking about ctb.
Fast forward a few years later, I have a total of 5 children with my wife (well now she's my ex wife but whatever).

I'm now 34, do not live with my children because their Mother left me almost 4 years ago.
It's been one year (since my almost successful last attempted to ctb) that I do not see them anymore (organise rarely) because of the consequences of my last attempt.
I feel guilty that one year ago I wanted to ctb and abandon them and even more guilty that I'm gonna made another attempt very soon.

I feel horrible, am I such a terrible person wanting to ctb having 5 yougoslave children ?

 

[Meditation guide]

I want your honest opinion please.

So, I attempted ctb many times during my teenage years and as a young adult then at the age of 24 I became father for the first time, they were twins, and stopped thinking about ctb.
Fast forward a few years later, I have a total of 5 children with my wife (well now she's my ex wife but whatever).

I'm now 34, do not live with my children because their Mother left me almost 4 years ago.
It's been one year (since my almost successful last attempted to ctb) that I do not see them anymore (organise rarely) because of the consequences of my last attempt.
I feel guilty that one year ago I wanted to ctb and abandon them and even more guilty that I'm gonna made another attempt very soon.

I feel horrible, am I such a terrible person wanting to ctb having 5 yougoslave children ?

It is not up to us to decide if you are a horrible person or not. You can't help your feelings. It sounds like you think you might be a horrible person. Do you think so? Just saying, why even ask us.

 

[WornOutLife]

Oh man, what a hard question! I can't just give you a straight answer but I think that on the one hand, ctb when having children is bad because it will be a traumatic experience for them.

On the other, it's your life and you shouldn't suffer forever. You deserve to be at peace.

Anyway, that's what I think.

Wish you the best with whatever decision you make.

 

[ThisWillNeverStop]

It is not up to us to decide if you are a horrible person or not.

I know I won't je judged here but what I wanted to know is if I'm going to be hated by everyone around me (including my children) the day I ctb.
Sorry if it was not clear, English is not my primary language so sometimes It's difficult for me to says thing the way I think it. :/

 

[Meditation guide]

I know I won't je judged here but what I wanted to know is if I'm going to be hated by everyone around me (including my children) the day I ctb.
Sorry if it was not clear, English is not my primary language so sometimes It's for me to says thing the way I think it. :/

It's possible. It's not going to be pleasant for them let's put it that way. But you know this.

 

[ThisWillNeverStop]

Oh man, what a hard question! I can't just give you a straight answer but I think that on the one hand, ctb when having children is bad because it will be a traumatic experience for them.

On the other, it's your life and you shouldn't suffer forever. You deserve to be at peace.

Anyway, that's what I think.

Wish you the best with whatever decision you make.

Yeah that's it I don't want to ruin their life they're only children they don't deserve this but on the other side Yes I can't endure anymore suffering.. I just hope they'll understand as they grow up and remember the loving father I was :/

It's possible. It's not going to be pleasant for them let's put it that way. But you know this.

Last year their Mother told them I was going to die when I was in coma, they feared and cried a lot she told me later. Now two of them don't want to talk to me on the phone so yes I guess that they hate me (or what I did, not me personally).

 

[AutoTap]

No your not a bad person or parent. You want to know why? Because you care. Your in a bad mental state and suffering it's only natural and logical to want to end it. Maybe try to look at other alternatives that could help end the suffering besides ctb?

maybe you've already done that?

I would definitely leave a note letting the kids all know it's not their fault if you do ctb tho.

also they most likely don't hate hate you. They just don't want to make themselves vulnerable to emotional distress if you were to die.

If you were to rekindle things with them I'd advise you to do it once your in better state of mind otherwise you may transfer suffering and trauma to them.

hope this makes sense. Best of wishes

 

[ZardozOmega]

No, it doesn't, although I urge you not to do it if your kids aren't independent yet.

 

[Miss_Takes]

I dont think it makes you a bad person. I do think it makes you a person facing an horrific decision. I personally could not have suicided while my daughter was young but luckily for me it was not something I was ever seriously considering until recently. I still wonder if I merely use the fact my daughter is an adult as a justification that allows me to mitigate my guilt in this.
At the end of the day there will be people who wont understand this as even as a possible choice to make let alone a completed action ... Ill admit I struggle to understand it. Some people will 'hate' you for your choice, and this may include your children, however neither I nor anyone else is in your shoes.
I can only hope that you have exhausted every possible option available to you and have objectively considered your childrens lives without you in them ... as opposed merely to the impact of your possible suicide or current issues on them.

My heart to yours

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

I do not think it makes you a bad person, but the children will probably struggle with it for a long time. I am going to be honest. My mother wanted to ctb most of her life then brought me into the world in an attempt to fix her problems, only to abandon and discard her new infant when her baby didn't solve her issues. I don't think people should have children if they want to ctb, for this exact reason. It makes things hard for both parent and child.

However, yours are already here, so you should make the most of things by ensuring that they are well taken care of, if you choose to stay in this world or not. They will likely want answers in the future, if you decide to go. When my father died I was glad that he had set up a will and things so that I still had money to live on during childhood. You would probably want to look into that regardless of ctb ideation. Who would you want entrust your children with if their mother was not around? What do you want to make sure that they have access to? What do you want to impart on them before you leave this world?


All important things to think about. It's your choice. You have to decide what's best for you, but also, what would be best for the kids.

 

[UselessMF]

I understand you, my 2 childrens are what keeping me alive a constant fight in my mind between their love and my desire to ctb.

No matter what's your decision just be sure they have good people around them cause thats what will matter when your gone.

Just thinking about it prove that your not a bad person. A bad person wouldnt give a s***.

 

[Frauw]

This can be a controversial topic here, and as for myself after the life I've had, I could personally never bring another human being into this world, life is too unpredictable.

Nobody can tell you that you're an awful person because your feelings are your own, having suicidal idealation and children definately throws a wrench in the works. We are all given choices to make in this life and every single one can carry immense weight, positives and negatives but entirely it's you're choice whether you want to exit or keep going.

 

[Ghost2211]

I'm a parent as well. If you ever want to talk the complexities of this through PM we can. I can't speak openly since my ex reads my posts. You're not a bad person for suffering regardless of whether you have children or not. We are still human snd we still feel pain. We still have the same coping limitations everyone else does, but we are expected to be super humans. I do feel we have the responsibility to give life every ounce of ourselves we have, but we are not monsters if we can't anymore.

 

[Rockman]

I don't think it makes you bad person. Rather irresponsible."You are responsible for what you have tamed". It always makes me wonder how people decided for child so easly ignoring all shit around. Wish you best.

 

[Endeavour]

Life changes, I'm sure when OP was with his wife and had kids he didnt expect they'd be breaking up. His life has changed and if he now lives day to day with misery and anxiety and sadness then why should he hang on and suffer for other people who don't suffer and, by the sounds of it, won't even talk to him.

They might be behaving like that because of his past actions, maybe they are distancing themselves to avoid being hurt if he does ctb, but you can't keep on going when life is crap just so other people don't feel bad.

We have probably all made bad choices and done things we wish we hadn't, that's probably why a lot of us are here, but you can't change the past and you have to decide whether you want to try and keep on going or not.

I think that's the dilemma for a lot of us, one thing I have learned is not to judge other people and whether they want to ctb or not because none of us know what another person is going through.

Ultimately it's an individual choice that we should respect whatever they decide to do or not do.

 

[ThisWillNeverStop]

Life changes, I'm sure when OP was with his wife and had kids he didnt expect they'd be breaking up. His life has changed and if he now lives day to day with misery and anxiety and sadness then why should he hang on and suffer for other people who don't suffer and, by the sounds of it, won't even talk to him.

They might be behaving like that because of his past actions, maybe they are distancing themselves to avoid being hurt if he does ctb, but you can't keep on going when life is crap just so other people don't feel bad.

We have probably all made bad choices and done things we wish we hadn't, that's probably why a lot of us are here, but you can't change the past and you have to decide whether you want to try and keep on going or not.

I think that's the dilemma for a lot of us, one thing I have learned is not to judge other people and whether they want to ctb or not because none of us know what another person is going through.

Ultimately it's an individual choice that we should respect whatever they decide to do or not do.

Yep that's totally this. I did not plan to ctb or whatever else while I was with their Mother but one day I found out that she was planning to cheat on me, so shit began to happen and she ultimately asked me to leave after I spent two years trying to bring back love between us.
I had everything, a loving family with five adorable kids, a job that I love, money, a beautiful large house. All gone (except my job), now I live in a slum, I struggle to just survive since my kids mother's pump all the money I earn from my job, in a toxic relationship juste because I did not wanted to stay single and alone.
Not talking about my mental and physical issues.
Seriously my life became horrible so yeah at the time I got my kids I was not thinking about ctb anymore otherwise I didn't have them.
But time changes, life change and now here I am struggling between the love for my kids and my will to die.

 

[Deleted member 25174]

The likelihood of your children committing suicide greatly increases if one of their parents does it. That's what holds me back. I'd never want that for my kids

 

[Intotheflames]

Yep that's totally this. I did not plan to ctb or whatever else while I was with their Mother but one day I found out that she was planning to cheat on me, so shit began to happen and she ultimately asked me to leave after I spent two years trying to bring back love between us.
I had everything, a loving family with five adorable kids, a job that I love, money, a beautiful large house. All gone (except my job), now I live in a slum, I struggle to just survive since my kids mother's pump all the money I earn from my job, in a toxic relationship juste because I did not wanted to stay single and alone.
Not talking about my mental and physical issues.
Seriously my life became horrible so yeah at the time I got my kids I was not thinking about ctb anymore otherwise I didn't have them.
But time changes, life change and now here I am struggling between the love for my kids and my will to die.

Firstly, is there anyway for you to renegotiate the alimony and/or child support given your current situation? Secondly, now that you are here and we are here for support, would you consider letting go of that toxic relationship?

 

[Tired_Tired]

Life and death have fate. On the contrary if your parents still alive. Do you think about it? Someone posted we are not mind-readers and Psychiatrists. I did agree part of his point of view and respected others' opinions(don't criticize the others). Posted or replied messages are method we released our emotions. It really up to you. Any reason is not so important how you want to finish your journey. It all depends on you can live with or without. To say is one thing. To do is another. We all faced hard decisions.

 

[lovelyheartz]

Personally, I believe if you are a parent, that you have "given up" your right to suicide, since you have forced other people into life, you should not be allowed to leave. Especially if they depend on you.

It's not my decision though.

 

[UselessMF]

Personally, I believe if you are a parent, that you have "given up" your right to suicide, since you have forced other people into life, you should not be allowed to leave. Especially if they depend on you.

It's not my decision though.

What about young people who suicide after their parent raised them with all the love they had sacrificing a lot of their own life for them ?( I know ... not all parents are good and some make their childrens lifes a hell) but I'm sure you know what I mean.

 

[lovelyheartz]

What about young people who suicide after their parent raised them with all the love they had sacrificing a lot of their own life for them ?( I know ... not all parents are good and some make their childrens lifes a hell) but I'm sure you know what I mean.

The child didn't choose to be born. I mean... if you're a baby you can't exactly refuse being cared for. The parent chose to have a child, meaning they chose to sacrifice a lot of their life and love. Personally, I think parents owe quite a lot to their children, considering they chose to bring a child into this terrible world without their consent for their own genetic interests and/or desired sense of meaning.

This isn't part of the argument but it always strikes me as strange how parents find their children more valuable the more time and effort and resources they put into them. Why should parents putting lots of resources into their children be sad that their child commits suicide? That either means that 1) they expect that the child will take care of them in the future, when the child again had no choice over being born and taken care of, which is thus a selfish expectation of them, or 2) they're falling for the sunk cost fallacy.

 

[Insomniac]

No, you're not a bad person and you're not to blame. Society is.

Because If peaceful euthanasia was available, your kids would have to option to take their life peacefully.