Does thinking about CTB make anyone else just really sad?

[IWillSmileWhenIDie]

I feel the same way. I have been actively thinking about ctb for a year now. The thought of ctb used to bring me peace, it doesn't anymore. It just makes me sad and anxious. I feel sad that my life has come to this. I want things to be better but I know there is nothing I can do anymore. I just don't have the energy to fight. It makes me sad that if I succeed in my ctb attempt, my family will be devastated. I also have bad anxiety which combined with SI makes it hard to ctb. I am just so tired. I feel like I don't have the courage to live or die.

been living like this since I was 14, I'm now 58. It ONLY gets WORSE as the years go by.

As someone who's seriously imagining CTB, I can't help but feel sadness when I "play out" in my head the little film of what will happen.
I'm just sad that it's had to come to this, you know?
I feel sorry for myself and those around me.

In spite of everything. In spite of how hard everybody in my life tried. I really wish it wasn't this way. I don't even think I'm depressed, really - just aware enough of everything that has happened. I know I am a dead person walking, and I have been for years. There are many factors to this. It's not just a reaction to 1 thing but something I've thought through and it is due to many factors.

A part of me wants to stick around so I can just do some of the things I always wanted to, or see certain people and so on. But another part of me is so done. Just so so so done. And doesn't want to delay it any more. And is worried it will let SI win at the last moment or something when actually? I know I really want to do this.

It would be helpful to have some info or experiences on the final moments. I think I might just burst into tears alone because it would be so sad. Initially was feeling quite peaceful about CTB but now I just feel upset, haha. Also to be fair I've just been thinking about SS/CTB so much (all the time) maybe I'm just having enough of it

Any thoughts welcome!

Stay strong you all hope things go well and you live life like you want or acomplish the bus if that's what you really want :)

 

[jimmy7754]

It feels like quicksand

 

[Seeking_Peace]

It's actually relieving to me(feels like I have control over something). If we were immortals I'd go insane.

 

[Ducksauce6]

More than you could imagine....a pussy who can't.pull the trigger here ...

I know I should have died a long time ago.

I also know I am living on borrowed time as suicidal thoughts have plagued me since I was a kid.

That said, at this stage of my life, death or dying no longer bothers me.

Also, no one in my world would be upset over my loss.

I think most of them would simply go about their daily routine with little thought of my dying. This, of course, is after sitting around for a short time saying, "Why didn't they ask for help?"

In the end, there is no room for someone like me in this world anymore.

Same for me...and I don't.know your whole story .. I have to end it .. I just need to confirm my partners been cheating... Omg that will be everything for me.... Or get kicked out of my.methadone place.... I need a reason so bad... Everyday .. if I can't get medicine ... I'm going to CTB but being on all the narcotics.amd.valoum make me.wamt to CTB but they don't work anymore.... And you look like a drug addled POS when you ask for stuff.... So I'm going to end it.... I was thinking about doing something.craxy like r0bb some place for drugs or something ...as like an anchoring act... If it goes wrong I shoot self.... Goes right.... I get away and get to CTB the way I want
...... W coupipus amounts of IV opiates versed , Ativan , valium... And iv morphine and.dulidid and put it all it a saline bag and just drif away if I got away.... Id property need propofol too

I know I should have died a long time ago.

I also know I am living on borrowed time as suicidal thoughts have plagued me since I was a kid.

That said, at this stage of my life, death or dying no longer bothers me.

Also, no one in my world would be upset over my loss.

I think most of them would simply go about their daily routine with little thought of my dying. This, of course, is after sitting around for a short time saying, "Why didn't they ask for help?"

In the end, there is no room for someone like me in this world anymore.

Same for me...and I don't.know your whole story .. I have to end it .. I just need to confirm my partners been cheating... Omg that will be everything for me.... Or get kicked out of my.methadone place.... I need a reason so bad... Everyday .. if I can't get medicine ... I'm going to CTB but being on all the narcotics.amd.valoum make me.wamt to CTB but they don't work anymore.... And you look like a drug addled POS when you ask for stuff.... So I'm going to end it.... I was thinking about doing something.craxy like r0bb some place for drugs or something ...as like an anchoring act... If it goes wrong I shoot self.... Goes right.... I get away and get to CTB the way I want
...... W coupipus amounts of IV opiates versed , Ativan , valium... And iv morphine and.dulidid and put it all it a saline bag and just drif away if I got away.... Id property need propofol too

 

[deadbody]

Yes, it's sad. I sometimes also think about my funeral, what will my relatives and friends say.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Thinking about my CTB and planning it (I have my stuff ready to go) doesn't make me sad. I don't know how to describe the actual feelings but it's not uncomfortable rather it's relieving. I don't know how my feelings will be on that day when I'm just one step away from the other side.