To me, like many others, it's both. On one hand, I want to be at some sort of afterlife (that understands why people take their own lives), a reality where the things happen in your life are gone or done right, pocket dimension, or be a ghost where I can feel comfy and do whatever I want with my spirit. I feel like a pocket dimension, being a ghost, or an afterlife are the most comforting in my opinion since they're the most you can be at your most free.
However, if nothing happens and we see a void, I'm fine with that. I don't get to feel, I don't get to experience whatever I want to wipe off my mind. It's an everlasting peace. I may be dust, but at least I get to feel nothing when I'm forever resting. These are my two cents. I know the stuff I mentioned are ludicrous but I'm just listing possibilities, no one knows after death for certain.
I'm just at a point at just leaving the world, no matter what happens after.