Does the act of planning ctb fill anyone else with immense anxiety?

[sserafim]

Does the act of planning ctb fill anyone else with immense anxiety? I'm trying to plan mine out right now, but I'm getting kind of overwhelmed thinking about the specifics of it…

 

[Praestat_Mori]

No, not really. It's been a while since I actually planned and prepared my method (CO with charcoal). I was calm during the whole process.

 

[rozeske]

Actually, it's when I finally came to terms with my ctb decision and started the whole process of choosing a method, researching planning and discussing it on here that gave me a relief from my pain and anxiety. Granted, I certainly do get anxious as my planned day gets close by and I had to postpone a few times. But it's still not close to the way I was feeling before all of this.

 

[EyesOfNight]

I'm personally very excited every time I go into the specifics of any method. It's like a puzzle and I love seeing the whole picture at the end. Executing a method on the other hand, that terrifies me.

 

[goblin99]

It's a bit of a mix of relief, anxiety, and anticipation. I'm so ready to just get it over with, I wish I could feasibly move my date forward. I'm worried about a lot of things. I'm worried it won't work, or that I won't go through with it. Mostly I'm worried about what sort of impact I'll leave on the people I love. Even if they don't care I'm gone, I'll still be a person close to them who took his own life. For some folks around me I'll be the second person to do so.
Ultimately I think the best advice is to do as much research as you can on methods and try to address some of your concerns early on so that your head is atleast somewhat clear on the day you ctb.

 

[noname478]

I feel a little anxious, mostly hoping that the method will work, but once the method is guaranteed to work, not really. I'm more anxious about the idea of people finding me. But I'm just anxious around people in general.

 

[Sid19]

Does the act of planning ctb fill anyone else with immense anxiety? I'm trying to plan mine out right now, but I'm getting kind of overwhelmed thinking about the specifics of it…

Planning takes time especially when you want it to be precisely right with less people bothering your family after your ctb.

I planned it from past one year, and now that only 7-8 days left for my CTB I'm kinda scared, anxious and overthinking on every stuff.

 

[Smith Winston]

Its a mixed bag of thoughts and feelings.
I'd like to fall asleep and never wake up again.
I would suggest that it can be done at the pace a person is comfortable with.
For me, I don't see a future worth trying for. I see what the next few years have in store and it isn't pretty.
The specifics can be a bit daunting, depending on the method.
Why oh why oh why are the painfree methods seemingly complicated and expensive?

 

[Kapsyl]

I find it quite comforting searching for the end. Because when I see no other way in life other than killing myself, there is something calming about searching for methods that will end the struggles in pease.

 

[thot88]

Death is not scary at all. But it causes huge anxiety how my grandparents and parents take it. You have to try to explain to them in the message that this is not their fault.

 

[DesperateOne]

No. When I ordered SN, practised knots and searched for a location I didn't feel anything (perhaps because I'm so desensitized to literally everything or my brain thought I was just joking). Once my mind actually understands what I'm about to do I get sent back into reality with an immense panic attack real quick. I realize that the concept of "me" wont exist anymore and I get waves and waves of terror.

I plan to push through it with benzos + alcohol. I'm also counting on the fact that once I go through with it, that immense terror will slowly turn into acceptance and peace like many people reported here with their NDEs. Once I'm dead I'm dead. There's no concept of anything anymore. It's like getting someone to knock you out and you never wake up.

I know 100% objectively that my brain is beyond saving, so it's only a matter of time now before March rolls around and I go through with the plan.

 

[mortuarymary]

If it doesn't then you are ready to CTB is my eyes.

 

[ThymeToLeave]

Yes. There's a lot to worry about. What if I'm buying ctb supplies and someone gets suspicious and starts asking questions? What if my family catches me having something I could only use for ctb? What if I fail or get discovered and have to live with brain damage? What if something goes wrong and someone else gets hurt? What if I can't go through with it?

 

[mortuarymary]

I do think once you have the means the urge isn't so bad. I had N for years. In my bedside cabinet. Could have taken it anytime but I chose not to as to me it wasn't time.

 

[UKscotty]

Depends on my mindset, I have done all sorts of crazy shit over the years to prepare for CTB.

If its for 'real' then it feels more stressful. I think most the time setting up a method is just a coping mechanism.

We can never know but I'd love to know how many suicides are people were just practicing but didn't register how deadly it was.

The most anxiety I have ever felt during an attempt was looking down at Beachy Head. Being literally 10 seconds from death is both scary, freeing and painful all at the same time. This is why things like SN and N feel like absolute torture to me, I couldn't sit around for 15 minutes with a deadly substance inside me with my head running, I think I would rip my skin off or eyes out.

 

[Orange Cat]

I wasn't anxious when I researched methods and worked out the details of my plan. Planning everything calmed me down. I only got anxious after I had everything I needed, and I try to set a date. That's when it becomes real.

 

[Guy Smiley]

As several other people have already said in their replies, I also often don't feel too much anxiety when I'm thinking about and planning CTB. But I think that's only because I'm obsessively focusing on all the little details and thus am distracted from thinking about my actual death. In fact, I think I unconsciously use planning for that very reason. But when I stop for a moment and really think about the reality of killing myself, I become immediately filled with anxiety, sometimes to the point where it feels overwhelming.

 

[DeadManLiving]

Like many have said preparing planning and getting everything set was a breeze if not a coping mechanism. But when it comes down to actually pulling the trigger, there is this hesitancy, this terror. Suicideology his largely debunked the idea of Si because there are nine scientific definitions for instinct and survival is not recognized as anything more than a theological idea, human beings are not goal oriented towards survival, we're goal oriented towards the propagation of our genetic material. SI is more a mixture of phobias and fears of the unknown, uncertainties in the process and fear of consequences should things go wrong. The thought of one's own Extinction can be paralyzing. To actually cross over and go through with it all requires either a moment of impulse or you have to chemically induce an altered mental status such as with benzos and alcohol that will enable you to more easily engage in something reckless that you would not otherwise do sober. That or an altered mental status from some negative stimuli that'll throw you over the edge that you have to catch at the right time with the lethal means on hand and when you're not thinking clearly. Once you engage the brain, you're fucked.

 

[Guy Smiley]

Like many have said preparing planning and getting everything set was a breeze if not a coping mechanism. But when it comes down to actually pulling the trigger, there is this hesitancy, this terror. Suicideology his largely debunked the idea of Si because there are nine scientific definitions for instinct and survival is not recognized as anything more than a theological idea, human beings are not goal oriented towards survival, we're goal oriented towards the propagation of our genetic material. SI is more a mixture of phobias and fears of the unknown, uncertainties in the process and fear of consequences should things go wrong. The thought of one's own Extinction can be paralyzing. To actually cross over and go through with it all requires either a moment of impulse or you have to chemically induce an altered mental status such as with benzos and alcohol that will enable you to more easily engage in something reckless that you would not otherwise do sober. That or an altered mental status from some negative stimuli that'll throw you over the edge that you have to catch at the right time with the lethal means on hand and when you're not thinking clearly. Once you engage the brain, you're fucked.

So even with benzos and alcohol you still felt terror when trying to pull the trigger? I ask just because I'm leaning towards CTB by gun, too, so I'm interested about others' experiences with it.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes. I pretry much inevitably imagine myself drinking my SN daily and when I really picture it, it terrifies me. Will it work? How long will it take? How much pain will I be in? I don't even want to think about the consequences of it not working and, how that would play out. I think I probably should have a back up method prepared but, I really don't know what.

 

[Quantum Particle]

Depends on my mindset, I have done all sorts of crazy shit over the years to prepare for CTB.

If its for 'real' then it feels more stressful. I think most the time setting up a method is just a coping mechanism.

We can never know but I'd love to know how many suicides are people were just practicing but didn't register how deadly it was.

The most anxiety I have ever felt during an attempt was looking down at Beachy Head. Being literally 10 seconds from death is both scary, freeing and painful all at the same time. This is why things like SN and N feel like absolute torture to me, I couldn't sit around for 15 minutes with a deadly substance inside me with my head running, I think I would rip my skin off

If I was contemplating cliff jumping I would be worried snagging something or wind blowing me into the cliff to break my fall. I live on the East coast so have a similar option although it's not as high for me. Your last sight would be a beautiful view with a nice blue sea. Mine would be a grey English Channel with sewerage and I would probably be found with a turd sticking out of my ear and a tampon up my nose. No cliff suicide for me

 

[cold_severance]

no, i feel nothing while doing it.

 

[sserafim]

If it doesn't then you are ready to CTB is my eyes.

I'm just scared that things could go wrong. Personally, I've never been the best at planning, so having to make my plan perfect and foolproof is causing me a lot of stress and anxiety.

 

[Abyssal]

Yes

 

[Princess_Kitty]

Yeah, definitely me. I already have anxiety issues. I remember my last CTB attempt as we were driving to the location my anxiety sky rocketed. Just the realization that "oh my God! This is real and it's actually happening" hit me really hard.

 

[Silent Raindrops]

I wouldn't say anxiety kicked in for me throughout my planning process, it's more my depression kicked in knowing that it has come to this.

 

[J&L383]

It's a bit of a mix of relief, anxiety, and anticipation. I'm so ready to just get it over with, I wish I could feasibly move my date forward. I'm worried about a lot of things. I'm worried it won't work, or that I won't go through with it. Mostly I'm worried about what sort of impact I'll leave on the people I love. Even if they don't care I'm gone, I'll still be a person close to them who took his own life. For some folks around me I'll be the second person to do so.
Ultimately I think the best advice is to do as much research as you can on methods and try to address some of your concerns early on so that your head is atleast somewhat clear on the day you ctb.

I agree with all of this. One friend even already had three he knew die from suicide, including two he found the body. (But if (probably) . . . he won't find me)

 

[haibane]

Yes, i personally find it so stressful. I feel like i need everything to be perfectly calibrated and planned or i will mess it up and make my life even worse than already.

 

[dggtscccvfd]

Yes. I pretry much inevitably imagine myself drinking my SN daily and when I really picture it, it terrifies me. Will it work? How long will it take? How much pain will I be in? I don't even want to think about the consequences of it not working and, how that would play out. I think I probably should have a back up method prepared but, I really don't know what.

Likewise, I also simulate the gesture of drinking to myself.

 

[TiredOfAllThis]

Quite the opposite. I am getting a bit calmer when planning. And otherwise anxiety tortures me