Does the act of planning ctb fill anyone else with immense anxiety?

[leavingthesoultrap]

Tbh... The thoughts of having to stay alive fill me with so much more anxiety and dread than CBT. I find it incredibly sad and soul crushing. I wish it wouldn't be like this

 

[sserafim]

Yes, i personally find it so stressful. I feel like i need everything to be perfectly calibrated and planned or i will mess it up and make my life even worse than already.

This is exactly how I feel. I'd hate to fail and be left with permanent damage and be even worse off. I feel like my plan needs to be perfect, everything needs to be carefully calculated. I've always been a perfectionist though, so maybe that's the reason why I'm feeling this way. I'm scared to concretely decide on a method and course of action because I have intrusive thoughts about failure and its consequences. I don't want to commit to one method and then have it be the wrong decision. I think I have analysis paralysis over this…