Does anyone just feel this NEED to die

[sohopelessandempty]

Even when the day wasn't that bad? Not even necessarily wanting to but just this NEED like this urge, to stab yourself or something like this deep pain in your heart that never goes away? From being alive

 

[dreaming]

Constantly.
However, the situation I'm in doesn't make that easy, I've given up on attempting for the time being.
I have no accessible method to ctb for now, but no will to live either.

 

[sohopelessandempty]

Constantly.
However, the situation I'm in doesn't make that easy, I've given up on attempting for the time being.
I have no accessible method to ctb for now, but no will to live either.

Everything you said resonates with me so hard, I hope you know someone understands. I'm sorry things are this way, I hope you find peace.

 

[desire2ctb]

yes, it comes and goes and its at its worst at night

 

[UserFromNowhere]

Even when the day wasn't that bad? Not even necessarily wanting to but just this NEED like this urge, to stab yourself or something like this deep pain in your heart that never goes away? From being alive

Yes. Suicide is on my mind regardless of the time of day. I could be having fun and I'll still feel the urge, the compelling desire, that I should die. For some reason I keep persisting, but we'll see how long that is.

 

[pollabii]

Even when the day wasn't that bad? Not even necessarily wanting to but just this NEED like this urge, to stab yourself or something like this deep pain in your heart that never goes away? From being alive

It's like glued into my mind and its been this way for so many years that I know my only ending is suicide.

 

[sohopelessandempty]

It's like glued into my mind and its been this way for so many years that I know my only ending is suicide.

I feel that way too but sometimes I feel on top of the world and like nothing can bring me down ever again like right now but something always ruins it.

 

[Bikishii]

Unfortunately, yeah. Sometimes I think it's better for me to just ctb when I'm actually feeling okay, just because then my last moments would be relatively peaceful and without much worry, even if it's ultimately more impulsive, which is something I don't want. I just can't deny the urge, though. It's like you said, even if the day went alright, the feeling is just too strong. It's not even a lack of a want to live, it's just an urge to die.

 

[fastFWD]

I gambled money away that could have saved a life. I don't deserve to live. I hate myself every single day for what I did. always feel the need to die.

 

[sohopelessandempty]

Unfortunately, yeah. Sometimes I think it's better for me to just cab when I'm actually feeling okay, just because then my last moments would be relatively peaceful and without much worry, even if it's ultimately more impulsive, which is something I don't want. I just can't deny the urge, though. It's like you said, even if the day went alright, the feeling is just too strong. It's not even a lack of a want to live, it's just an urge to die.

I also wouldn't want it to be impulsive, however I feel the same way as you.

I gambled money away that could have saved a life. I don't deserve to live. I hate myself every single day for what I did. always feel the need to die.

Don't beat yourself up over it, it won't make things any better. We all make stupid mistakes.

 

[sadbh]

Constantly.
However, the situation I'm in doesn't make that easy, I've given up on attempting for the time being.
I have no accessible method to ctb for now, but no will to live either.

Sometimes I wake up feeling like I'm stuck between alive and dead. I'm not dead, but I'm also not really living either. I'm not ready to die, but I also don't like my life. Sometimes I get nauseous from depression; life is sickening.

 

[sohopelessandempty]

Sometimes I wake up feeling like I'm stuck between alive and dead. I'm not dead, but I'm also not really living either. I'm not ready to die, but I also don't like my life. Sometimes I get nauseous from depression — life is sickening.

"Life is sickening" YES THIS and it comes and goes but sometimes living is so sickening to me it's like my mind is rejecting it in every way

 

[TooMuchHasHappened]

Yes, I feel this way most of my waking hours. Not to stab or cut myself or anything like that, but just to not be alive anymore and have to suffer being trapped in a broken body with a broken mind. My life was over a long time ago, I realise that now, and I tried my absolute best to get better, but it was no use. I've had far too many injuries and surgeries and have chronic pain, so my life will never be worth living again. I've finally accepted that now and stopped all my therapies and trying to get better, I'm done, it's over, I've had enough. Soon I will CTB, and hopefully my suffering will be over. I say that because no one knows what's on the other side, i hope nothing, once the lights go out i hope that's it, unless it's something good of course, but i doubt that.

 

[Mr.Tristesse]

Yes I need to die not just because of the pain but also because my circumstances aren't compatible with living

I'm repeating myself and probably others but I really hope you can find it in you to make it to college

 

[sohopelessandempty]

Yes I need to die no just because of the pain but also because my circumstances aren't compatible with living

I'm repeating myself and probably others but I really hope you can find it in you to make it to college

This actually means the world to me, thank you so much. I hope so too, I've been trying really hard to at least make it to graduation, because otherwise the past 12 years of work have been for nothing. Also, I've been wanting to die a lot lately(what else is new), but I got such a beautiful prom dress and my bf actually cried when he saw me in it(happy tears) and all of that made me emotional and made me think about our wedding and our future, and we were talking about being excited for prom and just the thought of dying before then and never being there with my dress and my hair done makes me really, really sad :(. But I'm in a lot of pain. I've been considering calling the doctor but what can they really do? I'm already on meds and I refuse to take SSRIs for many reasons and I don't think any changes they are able to make would make much of a difference.

 

[Mr.Tristesse]

This actually means the world to me, thank you so much. I hope so too, I've been trying really hard to at least make it to graduation, because otherwise the past 12 years of work have been for nothing. Also, I've been wanting to die a lot lately(what else is new), but I got such a beautiful prom dress and my bf actually cried when he saw me in it(happy tears) and all of that made me emotional and made me think about our wedding and our future, and we were talking about being excited for prom and just the thought of dying before then and never being there with my dress and my hair done makes me really, really sad :(. But I'm in a lot of pain. I've been considering calling the doctor but what can they really do? I'm already on meds and I refuse to take SSRIs for many reasons and I don't think any changes they are able to make would make much of a difference.

It is sad to hear someone talk about contemplating their death and going to their prom in the same exact sentence.

I am sure the lack of love and caring coming your way from your family is behind a lo of your emotional pain (but I recognize probably not all) but the hope is that as you grow older and you begin to live in a more empowering way and find more kindred spirits that particular river feeding your pain can be dammed up at least a little bit.

 

[sohopelessandempty]

It is sad to hear someone talk about contemplating their death and going to their prom in the same exact sentence.

I am sure the lack of love and caring coming your way from your family is behind a lo of your emotional pain (but I recognize probably not all) but the hope is that as you grow older and you begin to live in a more empowering way and find more kindred spirits that particular river feeding your pain can be dammed up at least a little bit.

Thanks, I feel better now and you put into perspective how sad that is. Also, my family does care, they can just be toxic at times.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I feel the need to get out of here. Which can pretty much only be achieved by dying. A change in circumstances hasn't been enough so far.

 

[sohopelessandempty]

I feel the need to get out of here. Which can pretty much only be achieved by dying. A change in circumstances hasn't been enough so far.

I'm sorry you feel like dying is the only way to get out. I hope you find peace someday, maybe if circumstances allowed for true huge change, basically a whole new life, things might be different?

 

[Pluto]

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm sorry you feel like dying is the only way to get out. I hope you find peace someday, maybe if circumstances allowed for true huge change, basically a whole new life, things might be different?

Thank you but- I'm comparatively old to people here- I'm 46. I've already put in great effort to start again multiple times and it's still ended up the same. I suppose I feel like I know from experience- for me anyway- how much fight it takes to start over. And- I don't have that left in the tank now. There's also simply less that I even aspire to/ want now. So- there isn't really an end goal to aim for now- if that makes sense?

I suppose money would help me out in the short- term. It would take the pressure off of living. But then- ultimately- money won't stave off illness or old age. It may also just make me even more lazy than I am already. Which I know- isn't doing me any favours.

I really appreciate the sentiment though. I really hope things improve for you too.

 

[Mr.Tristesse]

Thanks, I feel better now and you put into perspective how sad that is. Also, my family does care, they can just be toxic at times.

I see. Well that environment is not one you're likely to be happy in so the point still stands

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Yes i feel a need to die. when i think about my situation and things logically.

the horrible things that happened to me make me despise my situation, my life and life and this world in general too.

and i especially hate pleasurable addictions the most . because it's those that steal my time and make me forget for a while reality and that i need to and want to kill myself asap. these steal my time i could also use to win the battle in my brain , and also work to decide and get a suicide method ready to go or as ready as i can get it . by pleasure addictions i mean garbage like a youtube video watching addiction

 

[whyidon'tknow]

Sometimes it truly feels like suicide is my destiny. I put little to no effort into making a life for myself because of this.

 

[ugulamugula]

Yes

 

[Lost in a Dream]

Yeah I feel it all the time. I actually had a really good day today and still, my desire to die is always there like a headache that won't go away. Even though I have every intention of enjoying what little good I can from life in the short term, I know that sooner or later I need to die somehow. As crazy as it sounds, some days I wish a tornado would hit me and kill me so I don't have to do it. Horrible way to go I know, but at this point I'd take anything.

 

[insectontrial]

I find if I have a nice day, it can make the urge stronger. If the sun is out and I head to some nice place, I cannot help but remind myself I'll be back to my normal, miserable life when the day ends, and that it might be better to end things on a high note so I don't have to go through another bad day.

 

[Spite]

I've been feeling it more intensely lately. I want to leave. The fact that I don't really have a method on how to do it genuinely causes me distress and discomfort. I feel trapped.

 

[EndItPlsGirl]

I just want this existence to end. Please just let it end!!!!!!!!

 

[StryngerX]

Every single fucking day in my life.