Does anyone feel like this?

[binkleshpoo]

Does anyone feel like they aren't really suicidal at all? Does anyone else feel like "It doesn't matter, I just need to do this now because if I don't do it now I'm going to do it 10 years from now and i better save time." Like I wanted to kill myself when i was 11 before I turned 18. I always felt that way even though I had no method. I just know even if I'm okay "now" I wont be later so the sooner the better.

 

[ölmezdim]

Does anyone feel like they aren't really suicidal at all? Does anyone else feel like "It doesn't matter, I just need to do this now because if I don't do it now I'm going to do it 10 years from now and i better save time." Like I wanted to kill myself when i was 11 before I turned 18. I always felt that way even though I had no method. I just know even if I'm okay "now" I wont be later so the sooner the better.

I feel the same way. Actually, my life is over, but I'm still living.

 

[witchcraft]

I think so. I've said before that one of my greatest fears is to wake up one day at ~65 and realize I was right, I should've killed myself 40 years ago (today).

It's not so much a question of whether I could go on, whether I can endure and make it. The question for me is why fucking bother if nothing changes, let alone if it all just gets worse and worse.

 

[RiftbornVeil]

I think so. I've said before that one of my greatest fears is to wake up one day at ~65 and realize I was right, I should've killed myself 40 years ago (today).

It's not so much a question of whether I could go on, whether I can endure and make it. The question for me is why fucking bother if nothing changes, let alone if it all just gets worse and worse.

Ah yes, my uncertainty that things will change is a very motivating factor. It's slowly becoming less and less of uncertainty, and more like a fact I face consistently.

What you describe in your first line is very well-articulated. I too, fear time and losing myself over the passage of it.