Does anyone feel like they are living for others?

[FadingSunshine]

I wish I could just cut off all ties and kill myself, but I couldn't bring myself to do that to my family. I just don't experience emotions anymore, and I don't give a fuck about my life anymore. I just want to give up.

 

[todiefor]

Yes I worried about my parents, how my mother would fair, how others in my family would react, their judgement of it would be very harsh, my parent's judgement of it would be very harsh, I'm worried how they would be treated by others. All the dishonour, pain, shame that I would bring upon them. Yet when I've reached out for emotional support they've never been there for me

 

[suicidalloser]

no, i'm living still because i don't have a peaceful method i'm trying to find. SI gets in the way with any method that isn't peaceful for me, this includes SN

 

[Bronzehawkattack]

That's how I feel. I'm thankful that the existence of only one person is holding me back. My mother is already dead, so It's really just my father I have to wait out, and he's in his mid-60s so, as much as I hate to say it, I doubt I have to wait THAT long. I pray to god that when he passes, It's peacefully, in his sleep, without ever knowing he was going to die.

I pray to god that I have the strength to live on until he's gone. Everyday goes by that seems increasingly unlikely though. I don't want to have him see me dead.

 

[sensenmann]

The only ties I have are my parents, once they pass, SI will be the only thing holding me back.

 

[awman]

That is absolutely me right now. i know how you feel and i want to ctb as well or at the very least sh. but i can't and it's so hard and so draining to stop myself from doing it.

 

[Don't want to screw]

It's always been that way. Because I had been ridiculed and insulted by my family, I always wanted to prove it to them, and finally the pressure broke down. I can only escape, hide in a small room, and forcibly avoid remembering the past.

 

[kindalone]

I wanna stay alive for my family but I feel it's a chatch-22. If I stay, I'm a financial and emotional burden. If I die, I will devastate them, leaving them to deal with the loss. I've read a lot of stories of parents and siblings who go through the grief and they can't process it for years sometimes. Regardless what happens, I won't be the one who gets to be happy. I either suffer or die. It's a fucked up choice.

 

[PinkyStat]

There are 4 family members and 2 people that are really attached to me, I feel bad for them because I also dont give a fvck about myself and my body anymore, i did good things in the past but i dont do anything anymore, I dont even know if they will truly miss me or if they already miss who i was, because i do… I only want to end it already but who knows what is best for me/them

 

[bunsïy]

Yes, I relate to all of this. The only reason I haven't attempted again is because of my mother. Having failed the last time and seeing the results of my actions made me feel so incredibly guilty. Even now every time I express my true feelings to her I see the panic and worry in her face. I hate it. I feel trapped here and each year that goes by just makes me even more anxious.

 

[FadingSunshine]

Yeah my mom said she wouldn't be able to go on without me, fuck dude. I feel like I've resorted to dying inside because I can't CTB. I'm so empty and emotionless but as long as I'm still here to provide positivity to those around me that's all I care about.

 

[spinningmyself]

That is why I am still here, I have no life of my own and no wish to have one. I am here just so they know I am here. It really sucks but until I can find a way that looks accidental I am stuck here.

 

[aGoodDayToDie]

Yeah I'm just living for my gf. My brother and dad would cope. But if I tried to kms and failed and my gf found out she'd be fucking furious. I'd never hear the end of how much I put her through. And if I did succeed, I'm sure she'd move on eventually. But you know. It's a factor. I'm just a fucking pussy

 

[jazzcat]

if it wasn't for my mom I wouldn't even be alive right now, but this is my last year of trying, I can't endure this any longer, it's sad and she deserves better but I just can't be normal, I wonder if things would be different if I had partner but I don't so I guess I'll never know

 

[lament.]

I feel like more than anything my hesitation comes from leaving my family behind and how they would react. I've seen my brother at the lowest point of his life and it pained me greatly so the thought of being the cause of that hurts just as much, if not more.