
Manaaja
euROPE
- Sep 10, 2018
- 1,474
I wish I could relive the times when I was happy. I wouldn't do anything or much differently though. I just want to experience that love and happiness again.
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SameI wish I would have reached out for help sooner. I might not have ended up where I am now.
But knowing how bad it was, you could just have done home schooling, online school, or went to a different school.
Same for me. When I was a kid, only options were public or parochial (Catholic) or private (super expensive) school. Not sure when home schooling became a thing.It was a long time ago. These options did not exist.
The internet was quite a few years away, home schooling was not permitted in my town and you went to the school you were geographically assigned. It was nothing like now.
Some of mine I wasted, but MOST of mine was stolen from me. I still would not go back and change a thing. I would still get abducted and raped at 4 1/2 then again at 6, I would still allow everyone to call me a liar and gaslight me about my physical conditions and what has happened to me, I would still allow all the beatings and emotional abuse. I would still try to kill myself several times and allow my own suicidal thoughts. Why? Because if I changed one tiny little thing I might not end up where I am right now, with the one person in the world that does not try to make me stop feeling depressed or suicidal and accepts me completely and unconditionally as I am. If I got rid of one miniscule hurt from my past, something might change and my life could be worse, I might not have found this site which has allowed me to accept my feelings of not wanting to be here in this life and I might actually not be here.i think one of the biggest things making me want to ctb is the fact that my childhood and teen years are gone and can never come back and i wasted them all... if i could just go back and redo them, itd be kind of miserable but i think id be better off in the long run. idk i just think i missed out on everything to the point where watching shows aimed at preteens makes me cry.
Definitely, this is what haunts me. I'd be a better brother, less of a coward, life would be more meaningful because of how I view life now, and I'd take opportunities that were right in front of me that I wasted the first time around because life felt meaningless, because I got brainwashed by the nihilists around me - "So live as if you were living already for the second time and as if you had acted the first time as wrongly as you are about to act now!" - Victor Frankli think one of the biggest things making me want to ctb is the fact that my childhood and teen years are gone and can never come back and i wasted them all... if i could just go back and redo them, itd be kind of miserable but i think id be better off in the long run. idk i just think i missed out on everything to the point where watching shows aimed at preteens makes me cry.