I have several reasons for my decision to commit suicide.
But being alone is a very important thing. I'm 52 now and I've been alone all my life.
Really alone, no (real) friends or relationships. I've never been on vacation, almost never left the house. For the job only.
Complex PTSD, social phobia and depression are the reason.
Now that I have overcome these mental illnesses halfway, I can no longer stand loneliness.
Not only the loneliness now, I also can't bear the knowledge of loneliness in the past.
I know that nothing will change in the future, so I better end my senseless life now that I still can.
I will document the SN method here as well as possible so that at least my death makes sense.
Since I registered in the forum, I no longer feel lonely. It's a nice feeling to be here.