Does anyone else want to ctb because they're lonely?

[HeavyOne]

I'm only child, loneliness has been part of me since I was born.
Although, I wouldn't describe myself as lone: I have friends (I avoid to talk to), there are many that reach me out just to know how I am doing (and still avoid contact), I easily click with people as I meet them...it would be so good, but...
I feel empty, and, after a long struggle, I accept that nothing can fulfill my emptiness.
This is my main reason.

 

[Squiddy]

@Squiddy
What is a PHP program treatment. Are you still in the hospital?

Good luck with your treatment and the program. You can do it i believe in you squiddy

We all have good days and bad days. I have days in which i have an extreme desire to catch the bus and i have days in which i am happy .
Remember good days do come even when we least expect it :)

What do you enjoy doing ?

PHP stands for partial hospitalization program. I'm not in the hospital, but go to this program 5 days a week. Thanks for believing in me. It's just hard somedays. Earlier I felt in a mood to ctb. Now I'm just mad at my nurse in the program because I told her about my paranoia in 2011 where I thought my bible was possessed and would kill me so I threw it out my room and thought aliens would come down and all she told me was she thought I was tripping off something which is false.

 

[Good4Nothing]

I'm currently losing my mind from loneliness. I lived the past 10 years alone, and I was content with it then, but now loneliness has hit me like a ton of bricks. It's almost crippling. I can barely function.

 

[Nexol]

Same here. I have very few friends, and only 2-3 which I really meet rarely. But the feeling when you are lonely sometimes drive me crazy. Definitely a reason for me to CTB.

 

[FireFox]

PHP stands for partial hospitalization program. I'm not in the hospital, but go to this program 5 days a week. Thanks for believing in me. It's just hard somedays. Earlier I felt in a mood to ctb. Now I'm just mad at my nurse in the program because I told her about my paranoia in 2011 where I thought my bible was possessed and would kill me so I threw it out my room and thought aliens would come down and all she told me was she thought I was tripping off something which is false.

@Squiddy sorry to hear that. The worst thing about paranoia you know what is happening to you but no one else can see it. It can be frustrating when people dont want to listen or chose not believe you.

Paranoia is something which most people dont experience which is important people who suffer from such are treated with compassion and are listened to
What do you when you are not at the programme
What are your favourite things?

I hope things work out for you.

Dont let that nurse get to you ok.
Have a lovely week
Love
FireFox :)

 

[LonelyNick]

I moved to the other side of the country to be with my ex. Now that we broke up I'm alone and I feel so lonely. Combined with health problems, wish I could end it all already

 

[Squiddy]

@Squiddy sorry to hear that. The worst thing about paranoia you know what is happening to you but no one else can see it. It can be frustrating when people dont want to listen or chose not believe you.

Paranoia is something which most people dont experience which is important people who suffer from such are treated with compassion and are listened to
What do you when you are not at the programme
What are your favourite things?

I hope things work out for you.

Dont let that nurse get to you ok.
Have a lovely week
Love
FireFox :)

Thanks and I won't. Paranoia does suck. When I was in the therapy in another state, my friends and I were walking and I had a feeling they were gonna turn against me and kill me.

 

[TAW122]

Not my reason for CTB'ing, but it does contribute to other reasons, especially social life related that results in my wanting to CTB.

 

[After The End]

Loneliness is not good. Sometimes I write about people not being lonely and I feel less lonely. Like the characters are my friends. Or I talk to an 'audience,' while playing a game although I'm not sure my videos have an audience. It still feels less lonely.

 

[WornOutLife]

Well, in my case I love loniless but never had problems socializing with people, except for now.

I gained so much pounds that I don't want to hang out with friends, get lucky with random girls, be in a relationship, etc.

Still, loliness doesn't affect because there's sooo much stuff to do such as reading, playing videogames, tv shows, and any hobby you like (i love graphic design and video edition)

Furthermore, I don't know if you're a religious person but I think when we die, there's nothing there and we'll be even more lonely. (Although we'll probably won't realize just because our brains and consciousness will be gone)

Anyway, if you really need to talk to more people, this forum and chat is a great place and you can also go to websites such as omegle. It's nice to videochat with random ppl about life and make new all-over-the-world friends.

 

[Meditation guide]

to the other side of the country to be with my ex. Now that we broke up I'm alone

I moved to a new city by myself once and it's a special kind of loneliness, to be in a strange place that's not home and all alone. I was fortunate to have a great dog with me at that time. If I'm in a town where I've become accustomed to thinking of that as home then it doesn't bother me that much.

 

[Linda]

Loneliness was a problem for me when I was a student. Then I realised that people weren't going to come to me. I had to get out into situations where I would meet other people. So I did. It made a big difference. You can't fix this problem (or even reduce it) by doing nothing. You have to take some risks and get out there. And you have to persevere: it takes time to get results. Good luck.

I moved to a new city by myself once and it's a special kind of loneliness, to be in a strange place that's not home and all alone. I was fortunate to have a great dog with me at that time. If I'm in a town where I've become accustomed to thinking of that as home then it doesn't bother me that much.

I had a career that required me to be internationally mobile. I know the feeling of arriving in a new town, alone, and knowing nobody at all. It isn't nice. But after 6 months it becomes much easier. After 12 months the new place usually feels like home.

 

[After The End]

Loneliness was a problem for me when I was a student...

For the record I'm familiar with all this advice. I'd bet real money everyone in this thread is. Yet somehow loneliness remains an issue. Might be worth thinking about how this could be so without invoking the Just World Hypothesis.

 

[Linda]

@After The End, sorry if my post wasn't helpful. I was merely stating what worked for me. Probably it would work for some other people too, but obviously not for everyone.

Deep down we are all alone. It's part of being human, and there is no escape from it. But (at least for some people) the things we choose to do in life can distract us from that. I think that's another way of putting the point I was originally trying to make. Perhaps you are just more attuned to that basic fact of human existence than many people are. I am aware of it, but find that other things in life can usually draw my attention away from it.

 

[After The End]

@After The End, sorry if my post wasn't helpful. I was merely stating what worked for me. Probably it would work for some other people too, but obviously not for everyone.

I know it can work, and I'm glad it worked for you. Forgive me if I seem put out. I'm not. I'd just be very surprised if anyone wound up here who hadn't heard such things before.

Deep down we are all alone. It's part of being human... Perhaps you are just more attuned to that basic fact of human existence than many people are.

I appreciate that we can only trade symbolic, second-hand accounts of what we feel and know and experience, but that doesn't make loneliness any more tolerable. Isolation is used as a form of torture for a reason.

 

[quiet.rabbit]

I don't have any friends IRL or online. I'm just not interesting and fun I guess... I have a hard time chatting and even posting here makes me feel anxious. It's actually why I'm going to ctb. People on here might say it's a stupid reason but interacting with others online and IRL is painful. People usually ignore me. The only "friends" I managed to make online abandoned me like 4 years ago and it still is painful.

The fact that I have no experiences makes me boring, which makes it impossible for me to make friends and make expiriences. It's just an endless cycle. I have had some people become "friends" with me out of pity and nothing has changed. Pity doesn't make friendship. Other people's pity won't get me anything. So I have come to the conclusion that death is the only answer.

 

[After The End]

I don't have any friends IRL or online.

I sympathize. If you would like to talk I'm always happy to talk to people. It has nothing to do with pity. I'm hopelessly lonely as well.

 

[quiet.rabbit]

I sympathize. If you would like to talk I'm always happy to talk to people. It has nothing to do with pity. I'm hopelessly lonely as well.

Thank you for the offer, but I'm sorry I have decided to die in order to avoid socialising even if I'm very lonely. I hope that you are more successful than me at finding someone to talk to.

 

[After The End]

Thank you for the offer, but I'm sorry I have decided to die in order to avoid socialising even if I'm very lonely

I understand. If you'd like to talk to someone before you die I'll be around.

 

[alfie]

Too shy, quiet, and awkward for anyone to be interested in spending any time with me

 

[Theodora]

One of my main reasons .. but whenever I've made friends I always seem to self sabotage it somehow .. I was made second best by my high school friends anyway but when I got into a relationship with my bf we had a big argument and I had to pick him over them so now I only have him ... and it's not working out if we break up then it will be no hesitation to end it all he's the last person I have

I'm constantly surrounded by my mother, who continues to point out to me that I have no friends.

I have social anxiety, it makes it extremely hard to interact with others without feeling like I'm going to suffocate.

With that being said, being lonely is one of my many main reasons.

Same with me .. she keeps telling me to go out .. and I'm like I have no friends who am I meant to go out with

 

[torimandy]

Actually loneliness is one of my main reasons. I am trans and as I refuse to do the nasty things portrayed in porn, I've discovered that I will be alone for the rest of my life. It's the biggest reason I want to end my life as I have nothing to look forward to. 99 % of people get all their information about trans women from porn. Porn is a lie depicting sex acts that less than 10 % of trans women are capable of doing. As I do not have the physical or mental ability to top men, no one is interested in me. Alone is not a fun way to go through life. Nor is it acceptable.

 

[trigzter]

I wish i could understand the 'alone' part anymore. I have friends but at the end of the day i am always alone...and its been like this for so long that i dont want company...im not sure id want it to change... I count on my loneliness like i count on the sun rising

 

[LetzteAusfahrt]

I'm only child, loneliness has been part of me since I was born.
Although, I wouldn't describe myself as lone: I have friends (I avoid to talk to), there are many that reach me out just to know how I am doing (and still avoid contact), I easily click with people as I meet them...it would be so good, but...
I feel empty, and, after a long struggle, I accept that nothing can fulfill my emptiness.
This is my main reason.

"That nothing can fulfill my emptiness"

That is exactly my main reason !!

The pain of this emptiness has tormented me all my life. I really don't know how I've endured this for so long.

 

[pdyduc]

I think being lonely is most definitely one of my reasons. In person im too quiet, i need to tap out too quickly. online i never know how to connect with someone. its hard to feel like anybody cares about me.

 

[Help_Me]

Yes. One of the main reasons for me. Alone in thoughts, alone in feelings...

 

[serah]

Loneliness fucking sucks. I have IRL friends and online friends but yet the I feel so fucking alone sometimes. I could go an entire month without receiving any notifications from friends, I know because I've tried it. Shit hurts...

 

[feast or famine]

I don't know if anyone else can relate, but I actually prefer being alone...a lot, probably more than the average person. I do have loved ones and enough social skills to socially tread water, but humans are utterly exhausting and nothing really beats my peace and quiet by myself. That's not to say I don't have moments of loneliness, after all we technically need human interaction to survive, but I guess I'm not bothered by it. I'm extremely introverted and always have been. We come into this world alone and we die alone. I'm a very cynical person in all honestly.

 

[Wayfaerer]

Loneliness is something that can be relatively easy to risk, so no.

 

[Taki]

Not the cause of my situation but it certainly makes it more painful. So yes that's part of my desire to kill myself. I don't see why anyone should find this kind of existence acceptable.