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raindrops

raindrops

Someday, eventually
Mar 29, 2020
429
i cant stop thinking about how beautiful it is to ctb
that may sound insensitive to some but i suppose it depends on your reasons for ctb

it feels almost romantic to me. is that weird? yeah its weird isnt it? i've even fantasised over being murdered recently and i love the thought of it, it genuinely brings me peace

only 3 weeks back i would cry badly and now i smile at the thought of ctb. i get excited over all of the possible ways in which i could die.
what if this is a stage you go through before doing it? like finding some peace within yourself
could this be where those sayings come from things like - "its always the ones who seemed so happy"
i wonder how many people who ctb planned it secretly & slowly
or am i just going to live fantasising my death until i actually fucking die. fml.

also,
i want to listen to some really good music that i enjoy before i would do it, so i need a good playlist for the journey to where i would do it
i keep listening to darkwave, edm/trance. i realised i like music with reverbs, the phonk music genre is amazing imo
anyway...

🫠
 
The Schizoid

The Schizoid

Specialist
Oct 24, 2023
308
It's perfectly understandable, if you see suicide as a way out of suffering then of course you'll perceive it that way.

But those who love their lives or don't want to lose others will see suicide as robbing them off something positive and will perceive it in a negative way.
 
zrh389

zrh389

Member
Nov 12, 2023
56
I don't think so. I attempted hanging but peed myself a little. I even used toilet a few minutes before hanging
Maybe because I'm female? I don't know if I was male, I would still pee during hanging attempt
But I don't think suicide is a beautiful thing
 
2

26mmmm

Experienced
Feb 12, 2024
211
i cant stop thinking about how beautiful it is to ctb
that may sound insensitive to some but i suppose it depends on your reasons for ctb

it feels almost romantic to me. is that weird? yeah its weird isnt it? i've even fantasised over being murdered recently and i love the thought of it, it genuinely brings me peace

only 3 weeks back i would cry badly and now i smile at the thought of ctb. i get excited over all of the possible ways in which i could die.
what if this is a stage you go through before doing it? like finding some peace within yourself
could this be where those sayings come from things like - "its always the ones who seemed so happy"
i wonder how many people who ctb planned it secretly & slowly
or am i just going to live fantasising my death until i actually fucking die. fml.

also,
i want to listen to some really good music that i enjoy before i would do it, so i need a good playlist for the journey to where i would do it
i keep listening to darkwave, edm/trance. i realised i like music with reverbs, the phonk music genre is amazing imo
anyway...

🫠
Yes, even if its gruesome, because it can lead to peace.
I've also found some peace and happiness by accepting suicide tho I wouldn't say im happy or at peace yet since im still trying to make my life work out for now, im still suffering.
 
raindrops

raindrops

Someday, eventually
Mar 29, 2020
429
I don't think so. I attempted hanging but peed myself a little. I even used toilet a few minutes before hanging
Maybe because I'm female? I don't know if I was male, I would still pee during hanging attempt
But I don't think suicide is a beautiful thing
i can understand this i am so sorry.
hmm i wonder if that meant you were near death, ahh... scary thought, not beautiful.
i want to jump onto rocks so basically into the sea. idk i just think people wont remember for too long after they find me. maybe ive seen too much on the internet and i hope someone with a strong stomach finds me idk all of this makes me feel bad
 
ijustwishtodie

ijustwishtodie

death will be my ultimate bliss
Oct 29, 2023
2,298
No, suicide is not beautiful to me. It's just a quicker pathway to something that is beautiful to me (death) but suicide itself is not beautiful due to how the methods available are risky and brutal. Whenever anybody goes through suicide, they have to go through the irrational survival instinct which makes people afraid of dying even if their suicide is rational. Suicide is just a means to an end.. the end itself is peaceful. It sounds so peaceful to be non existent forever. I hate at how people want us to suffer by keeping us alive
 
hikikomorizombie

hikikomorizombie

Ouch
Jan 15, 2024
771
yes, i do think it is, in a way. smthg abt some1 utilizing such bravery & control & self discipline, to be able to end their own life when i struggle w it sm, is def beautiful to me. esp suicides that are clearly well thought out & all that was left for that person. they usually put an extra measure of care into kts & leave behind a well written final message of some kind. that's tender, to me🧸
 
Doemu

Doemu

⸸ I am my own end ⸸
Feb 4, 2024
212
I used to think that suicide was the most beautiful thing in the world. After I suffer from completely Apathy that made me wana scream for help to can just rise up from the bed, cause I lost all my will, and wanted to jump over the window with out a reason, I ended to much scared from suicide for many years... Until now that I'm here willing to kill my self, but I didn't could recover the full beauty that suicide has for me. I think the trauma fucked me very hard.
 
T

the old man

Student
Dec 23, 2023
100
It's also sad for me to, to think of the emotional,mental and physical suffering that drive people to suicide is not a beautiful thought, the act itself is one that should be made easier and more widely available rather than the desperate and brutal ways that we have to choose from.
 
RemainingDubious

RemainingDubious

Most men only receive flowers at their funeral.
Feb 18, 2024
280
IMG 9732

i personally think Evelyn McHale proved that suicide can be beautiful, her suicide note is heartbreaking, her wishes weren't even respected. It shows how reality can be so cruel and doesn't care how people feel and what they want.
 
B

Buildingsandcastles

Member
Feb 14, 2024
21
I think it is very beautiful. Still, it can also be sad and scary. None of us are as uncomplicated to be one thing, neither is suicide. There's nuance that this world and people often don't understand in this all or nothing world.
 
L

LifeIsCrazyNemb

Arcanist
Jan 21, 2024
403
View attachment 129484

i personally think Evelyn McHale proved that suicide can be beautiful, her suicide note is heartbreaking, her wishes weren't even respected. It shows how reality can be so cruel and doesn't care how people feel and what they want.
Thats beautiful and stylish!
I want to be found in a stylish way as well lol
thats a good inspiration, thanks for your post.
 
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Reactions: RemainingDubious
Ambivalent1

Ambivalent1

Tormented day and night forever and ever
Apr 17, 2023
2,556
Romanticizing it means you don't understand it. Every atom is a planet. Every molecule is a galaxy. Suicide is cataclysmic destruction of an entire universe. SI is the will of the inhabitants that makeup who you are.
 
Raindancer

Raindancer

Experienced
Nov 4, 2023
242
No I do not think it is beautiful. The majority of us get here by such suffering and pain that is the only option left to attain some sanity and peace. It will also leave behind many people who will now be in pain the rest of their lives.
 
RemainingDubious

RemainingDubious

Most men only receive flowers at their funeral.
Feb 18, 2024
280
Thats beautiful and stylish!
I want to be found in a stylish way as well lol
thats a good inspiration, thanks for your post.
i personally find it heartbreaking how in her suicide note she wrote: "I don't want anyone in or out of my family to see any part of me. Could you destroy my body by cremation? I beg of you and my family – don't have any service for me or remembrance for me."

It shows how cruel reality can be. Evelyn was only 23. She didn't feel good enough, she didn't want to be remembered and didn't want to be seen.

Not much is known about her life. Yet countless people will have seen the picture of her body and remember her for being "the most beautiful suicide." Even in death she didn't get what she wanted, bless her 💔
 
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pthnrdnojvsc

pthnrdnojvsc

Extreme Pain is much worse than people know
Aug 12, 2019
1,761
Suicide is definitely beautiful if it's your only chance to avoid extreme pain, extreme suffering or extreme torture.

And it is the only chance many people have to avoid extreme torture because they made assisted suicide and nembutal etc crimes and have taken down all the peaceful suicide methods like SN.

FYI we all will die anyway suicide is only choosing when and how you go .


No one is allowed to help u with assisted suicide. And u have to suicide using brutal methods. But even with a brutal method it's still better than suffering extreme torture for extended periods of time. it is especially beautiful if you escape such a horrible painfrul situation using a peaceful painless method, the corauge bravery , determination etc required is...

It's weird that they say suicide is sad even when it's the only way to escape extreme torture. They never say how sad life is. You are brought to this hell called life against your will. And as a small animal that is always under threat of unbearable pain . That's what is sad.

In fact the default state is bad pain of starvation , extreme thirst etc . U the animal has to work constantly to feed urself etc to keep the pain of starvation, thirst , cold wind etc.. away.and this they call a beautiful gift . No that is what is sad . Getting out of that and this prison hell that's not sad to me

What is tragic is that I was birthed into this hell as an always hungry small animal that any day can fall into a trap of unbearable constant unending pain . To me it's not tragic but the best thing if I go back into the state of non-existence this time forever . I had no problems when I didn't exist for 13.8 billion years
. The problems began when I was born. undoing this horrible imposition is not tragic but beautiful to me
 
Last edited:
BlazingBob

BlazingBob

Mage
Oct 28, 2021
528
It is for me because my body is literally torturing me and suicide is a means of escape. I think it all depends on the situation. It can also be sad and tragic.
 
R_N

R_N

-Memento Mori-
Dec 3, 2019
1,410
I don't idealise anything anymore to that extent. So no, I don't think it is beautiful or ugly.

It causes hurt but so does life and death in general.
 
M

mtoro998

Experienced
Feb 29, 2024
245
I think leaving this World is beautiful but I dont enjoy the act itself. Like others have said it just feels like a necessity.
 
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B

BlessedBeTheFlame

All things are nothing to me
Feb 2, 2024
149
No, I want to keep on living, but am too much of a pathetic, worthless parasite. Suicide is not beautiful, it's not a romantic fairy tale ending. I do it out of desperation, but if I somehow want to get my resources from here, I have to apparently play pretend about it on this godforsaken website.
 
Macc_Lad_71

Macc_Lad_71

Member
Feb 15, 2024
90
Suicide isn't painless
It hurts like Hell
It's set aside for the famous
A little suicide sells
Nothing lasts forever
But nothing ever did
It's big but it's not clever
And it's really not that big
So no more tears
You're a big boy now
We'll have a few more beers
We'll sort it out somehow
 
K

kms2nite

Member
Jun 25, 2023
13
i cant stop thinking about how beautiful it is to ctb
that may sound insensitive to some but i suppose it depends on your reasons for ctb

it feels almost romantic to me. is that weird? yeah its weird isnt it? i've even fantasised over being murdered recently and i love the thought of it, it genuinely brings me peace

only 3 weeks back i would cry badly and now i smile at the thought of ctb. i get excited over all of the possible ways in which i could die.
what if this is a stage you go through before doing it? like finding some peace within yourself
could this be where those sayings come from things like - "its always the ones who seemed so happy"
i wonder how many people who ctb planned it secretly & slowly
or am i just going to live fantasising my death until i actually fucking die. fml.

also,
i want to listen to some really good music that i enjoy before i would do it, so i need a good playlist for the journey to where i would do it
i keep listening to darkwave, edm/trance. i realised i like music with reverbs, the phonk music genre is amazing imo
anyway...

🫠
Yes!!! I find it so romantic
I always fantasise about different ways to ctb
 

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